A Chance to Regret
by spelerison
Summary: He didn't believe it, had Ziva just said he was going to be a father? Ziva's struggle with pregnancy, a troubled romance and lots of indecision. AUish fic, currently Tiva but will very possibly turn into McGiva. Not a happy family story.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING:This story will have a very ooc Tony who will probably be even down right mean at times. It starts off as a Tiva but may very possibly end in a McGiva though I'm not sure yet. There will also very likely be some tragedy in it, I enjoy angst and character death. Who knows I might kill Ducky tomorrow(just kidding I could never kill Ducky) but there may be suicidal thoughts and such, I doubt I will ever have someone commit suicide but who knows thats why I'm warning you. So consider yourself warned that I am up for just about anything with this story and you should be too.**

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><p><strong>Chapter one<strong>

"You don't like it." They had been dating for 8 months and Tony had decided to make dinner to celebrate.

"No I do, I guess I'm just not that hungry." Ziva tried to give her dinner more attention but just the thought of actually eating something was causing her stomach to flip.

"You don't have to lie, if you don't want it don't eat it!" Tony raised his voice snatching his plate off the table and going into the kitchen.

"Tony don't be like that, Come sit back down with me." Ziva said following him.

"Don't be like what Ziva? I make you dinner and you're so ungrateful you wont even eat it just to appease me and yet I'm the one that's acting like something!" He yelled throwing his plate into the sink with a thunderous clank.

"I already told you I liked it Tony, you don't need to yell at me." Ziva tried for calm. This was typical Tony lately, one moment he was the sweetest guy you'd ever meet and the next he would blow up at the slightest thing.

"You're such a bitch! You've pratically ignored me all day and now that I finally try and steal a little bit of your attention you end up picking a fight and are even trying to pin that on me!" He stormed back to the diningroom roughly clearing the rest of the table.

"Tony just stop with the dinner for a minute, it doesn't even matter. I have something to tell you." She had tried telling him three times already but each time ended in an arguement.

"What!"

"It's important so do you think you can calm down long enough for me to actually get through what I need to say." Ziva sat back at the table, she refused to ruin such good news by argueing with him.

"Just spit it out already!" Tony reclaimed his spot at the table as he tried to control his anger. He didn't know why but everything Ziva did lately made him see red.

"Not until you stop yelling and can speak with me like an actual person."

"Ziva I'm listening." Tony leaned in giving her his full attention. He might be angry with her still but his interest was now peaked.

"We're going to be parents." Ziva smiled placing her hand over Tonys.

He didn't believe it, had Ziva just said he was going to be a father?

"Tony?" He had been quiet for quite awhile and she was starting to worry.

"You're pregnant?" At Zivas nod Tony exclaimed excitedly, "I'm gonna be a daddy!"

"Yeah you're going to be a dad." Ziva laughed as Tony lifted her into a hug, "Oh wow, we're havin' a baby."

"We are going to have our own little family." Ziva wasn't sure how Tony would react to the news but now that she knew he was happy she couldn't help but be ecstatic herself.

"I love you... and you." He accented the first proclamation with a kiss to Ziva and the second with a kiss to her belly. "We love you too."

"We're gonna need a bigger place, a bigger car too. Maybe a mini-van, I can just see you as a soccer mom, and a dog. We have to get a dog, what kind of kid doesn't have a dog?" And as Tony went on Ziva tried her best to share his enthusiasm, she just hoped he stayed that way.

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"I don't know if it's such a good idea we tell them just yet." Ziva shared with Tony in the privacy of the elevator.

"Why not?"

"Well it's still early and God forbid but I don't want them to get their hopes up for nothing should something happen." Ziva didn't like the idea at all but it was still a very likely possibility her being in the first trimester and all.

"Nothing is going to happen to our baby and that is why we need to tell them so you wont be placed in any dangerous situations." Tony wanted to make sure his child was as safe and protected as possible.

"Alright." Ziva agreed as she stepped out of the elevator.

"Hey McGatherer get Abby, Ducky and the gremlin up here, me and Ziva have something to tell everyone." Tony ordered McGee as he entered the bullpen.

"And that would be?" McGee questioned as he picked up his phone.

"Well if we tell you now then that would defeat the purpose of getting everyone together now wouldn't it?"

"Have you seen Gibbs yet?" Ziva sat on the edge of Tims desk, she didn't want to say anything without Gibbs being present.

"He's around here somewhere. Abby's on her way up and I'm calling Ducky right now." McGee really wanted to know what was up.

"So do you want to tell them or do you want us to do it together?"

"It does not matter." Ziva was just fine with it, either way the news would be the same.

"Tell who what?" Gibbs appeared coffee in hand.

"You and the team Boss, we're just waiting for them to get up here." Tony said rising from his chair.

"Behind you my dear boy." Ducky announced Palmer, Abby and his arrival.

"Well DiNozzo?" They had work to be doing and Gibbs didn't appreciate Tony interrupting that.

Grabbing Zivas hand he excitedly announced, "We're adding a new member to team Gibbs, Zivas pregnant!"

"Oh I'm so happy for you guys!" Abby was jumping up and down with excitement.

"Ziva?" Gibbs was worried about how quiet she was being.

"Yes it's true, I just guess hearing Tony announce it to everyone has finally made it cement."

"It's concrete Ziva." Tony corrected.

"Anyway it's finally hit home that I'm having a baby." Ziva had thought she had come to terms with being pregnant but obviously not, there was actually a person inside of her. She was going to have to care for a defenseless child, she was becoming a mother.

"You're going to be an awesome mom!" Abby assured giving Ziva a bear hug. "This kid is going to have the most awesome parents." She added as she turned to hug Tony.

"Congratulations you two, I'm sure you'll make fine parents." Ducky shook Tonys hand before delivering a light hug to Ziva.

"Tony, Ziva I wish you two the best." Palmer was still a bit hesitant around the others.

"Thank-you Jimmy." Ziva knew that she could do more to work on their friendship but his best wishes were still appreciated.

"Yeah I'm happy for you guys and I can't wait to see the rugrat." McGee wasn't really sure if he meant that but he wasn't about to spoil the celebration.

With a simple nod in Tonys direction and a kiss to Zivas temple Gibbs sat at his desk ordering, "Get back to work."

"You come and see me later, we most definately are going shopping." Abby told Ziva walking backward before slowly following Jimmy and Ducky toward the back elevator.

"You make sure she knows I'm not letting my child be dressed in skulls." Tony told Ziva as he powered up his computer.

"You tell her that."

"You're the mom-to-be." Tony was amused by what almost looked to be fear in Zivas eyes.

"There's no need to rub it in." She had a feeling Abby would have alot of these little shopping trips planned and that this was just the beginning of what was going to be a very long pregnancy.


	2. Chapter 2

"Have you guys thought about names?" Abby asked as she, Ziva, and McGee walked into yet another baby botique.

"I think it is still to early to be worrying about names." Ziva was absolutely exhausted, they had been shopping for over three hours and Abby refused to give up. She already owned a bouncer and two dozen new outfits and they didn't even know the babies gender yet.

"That's insane, you have to give your child a name that will represent its very being, the person it is to become, right Tim?" Abby asked as she inspected a crib.

"That's true." McGee really didn't want to be here, but between Abbys open begging and Zivas pleading eyes of not wanting to be alone with a hyper Abby he ended up carrying the bags as they shopped, or more like Abby shopped and Ziva tried to keep her from buying out the whole store.

"I'm only 12 weeks Abby, I'm sure we'll find a suitable name before the baby comes."

"She's got a point there." He was trying to stay out of the way,the last thing he needed was to end up in an arguement with an excited Abby and a hormonal Ziva.

"Well I've ordered a book of names so when it gets here I'll let you know and we'll talk. Now themes, have you thought about how you want the nursery done?" Abby was eyeing the bedding, she really hoped it was a little girl so she could spoil her like the little doll she knew she'd be.

"We're still looking for places Abby, we don't have a nursery let alone a theme." Tony had been dragging his feet and they hadn't even talked about the baby having a room.

"Well cherry is always nice, it tends to blend well with other furniture." McGee said a bit embarassed when the girls looked at him seemingly shocked.

"You're right, cherry wood is definately nice with pink bedding." Abby had spotted herself the perfect comforter, now all she needed was Zivas munchkins cooperation.

"Pink?" Ziva and McGee both questioned.

"Yep, I've already got the whole nursery designed for your little girl."

"It could just as easily be a boy Abby." McGee reminded. Although thinking about it he would prefer a girl to a mini- Tony.

"Well I'll have a back up plan just in case but until I'm told otherwise I'm gonna have a niece." She hoped.

"Abby I'm really glad that you're so thrilled about the baby but I think it's time to go home, I don't have the room to buy anymore right now and I really am tired." Ziva wasn't so much tired physically as she was of peppy store associates touching her non-existant baby bump.

"Yeah Abs I think it's time to call it a day." McGee agreed, trying to help himself as much as Ziva.

"But we've still got so much to get. We haven't even looked at bassinets, or bottles, or bathtubs, or even diapers." Abby protested as she was steered to the exit.

"Trust me Zivas got plenty of time before she needs to worry about diapers." Tim assured nearly pushing Abby out the shop.

"So who's giving me a ride home?" Ziva questioned, Abby had bonbarded her first thing that morning and had barely let her get dressed let alone drive herself anywhere.

"I will but first there's the cutest little shop that hand stitches all there baby clothes and we just have to stop by." Abby pulled her car door open already excited.

"That's okay Abby I'll take her." McGee hurriedly rushed over Zivas protest.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm closer anyway. I'll see you at work tomorrow." And he closed her in the car cutting off any objections she might have had.

"Thank-you" Ziva said waving at Abby before she turned to follow McGee to his car.

"No problem, I couldn't take much more of that myself anyway.

"Don't get me wrong I do enjoy her enthusiasm I'm just not made to be as eager and exciteable as she is."

"No one is." McGee agreed as he waited for Ziva to put her seatbelt on before pulling out of his parking space.

"So do you really like cherry wood or were you just humoring Abby?" Ziva wondered actually curious.

"Yeah. I haven't done alot of crib shopping but from what I have seen cherry is nicer than maple."

"I tend to lean towards mahogany, but I think we should leave the types of wood conversation to Gibbs."

"Gibbs and Tony."

"Yeah." Ziva breathed settling into her chair as she gazed out the window.

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>"Where the hell have you been?" Tony had gone to the gym and when he got back Ziva had been gone.<p>

"Shopping, you could have called if you were that worried." Ziva closed the door and placed her bags nearby on the floor.

"No I couldn't of because apparently you didn't think your phone was necessary to go shopping!" Tony yelled waving her phone in his hand. He had been worried when Ziva had just disappeared and when he tried calling he found out that she had left without her phone it worried him more.

"Sorry I must have forgot it with how quick Abby made me get ready." She said without much thought, Tony was always yelling about something and it didn't even bother to argue with him anymore.

"You went shopping with Abby?"

"Is that not what I just said."

"Then why was it McGees car I just saw you get out of." Tony questioned angrily.

"Because McGee went with us!" Ziva was getting angry herself now, What was he trying to accuse her of?

"So you just coveniently forgot your phone and you don't even tell me McGee went with you!"

"I just did and why does it matter? I'm allowed to go out with anyone I choose!"

"So you're going out with him!" At least she was finally admitting what he had suspected.

"You're an idiot!" She was getting out of there.

"Who else have you been going out with lately?" Tony blocked the door, he was going to get his answers.

"Are you honestly accusing me, your pregnant girlfriend, of cheating on you right now?" What in the world had he been drinking?

"No I'm not accusing I'm positive and for all I know that baby could be Gibbs'!"

That was it he could yell at her all he wanted but he was not going to say a word against their baby. Slapping him full force she quickly grabbed her purse and left, tears slowly starting to fall as she heard what he yelled next, "Do us all a favor and abort the bastard!" She didn't know what had happened that turned their relationship so sour but she knew one thing for a fact, she was having this baby even if she had to care for it herself. If Tony didn't want to be a father, well then she'd just have to be woman enough to be both parents.

"Don't worry ahava, I'll come talk to Daddy when he's not being so stubborn but you just know that no matter what you'll always have me." Ziva quietly whispered to her child, she didn't know where she was going to go at the moment all she knew was that she wanted far away from there. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sitting in her car Ziva tried to steal the nerve to just go up and knock. She had been trying to convince herself that it was Ok that she had gone to McGees even with what Tony had accused her of. When she had left she took nothing more than her purse which had nothing of use other than her keys, so there she sat with no money and no place to go.

She couldn't go to Gibbs, he'd want to know why she couldn't spend the night at her own house and when she finished explaining he'd probably go after Tony. Abby would ask to many questions and then tell Gibbs ending in the same result, and she just didn't want to place her burdens on Duckys shoulders so McGee really was her only option. As she got out of her car and began walking the distance to McGees building she tried not to think of the morning that would bring her to work and there for to Tony.

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There was nothing on t.v. or at least nothing that would keep his interest. His mind kept on taking him back to the days shopping trip with Abby and Ziva, or more specifically a certain part of it. McGee had been distractedly looking through a rack of baby clothes when a sales woman had come up and told him that all first time dads were clueless and that if he told her what he had in mind she'd gladly help him find it. He had quickly corrected her with a heated face and words that seemed to trip over one another as Abby laughed and Ziva just stood there.

What he wanted to know was why Ziva had stayed quiet, it was like she almost wanted to know herself what he would say about being her childs father. Perhaps he was just looking to far into things or maybe it was that hope he had shut away long ago that she might be interested in him, but she was with Tony, about to have Tonys child, so that couldn't possibly be true. Could it? Could she be interested in him? Even if she was which was very unlikely he wouldn't act on those mutual feelings because he was Tony's friend and he would never disrespect him like that.

He needed to clear his mind of all the nonsense he'd been debating over, it was time for a run. Slipping his sneakers on he went to the kitchen grabbed himself a bottle of water and made his way back to the door. When he opened it he was met with Ziva's fist nearly smacking his face.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting you to open the door, I was just about to knock."

"What are you doing here?" He didn't mean for that to come out so harsh but now was really not a good time for her to be here.

"You know what, it looks like you were leaving and I don't want to keep you from your plans so I'll just go." It had been a mistake to come.

"No, Ziva wait!" He couldn't just let her go without at least apologizing. "Come in. You came for a reason and I was only going for a run."

"Are you sure?" Maybe it would have been better if she went to Gibbs.

"Of course, come on in." McGee offered holding his door open as she entered. "Do you want a drink?" He wasn't sure what she wanted or why she was here but after being so blunt while asking the first time he knew it would be best if he just waited.

"Yeah, some water would be nice." Sitting at the kitchen table Ziva stayed quiet while Tim got her a water from the fridge. How was she supposed to ask him if she could spend the night without him asking to many questions?

"You want something to eat?" Tim could clearly see the indecision on her face, about what he didn't know but he'd give her time to figure things out.

"Sure, anything is fine." Ziva recognized that for exactly what it was but right now she was thankful for the out McGee had given her.

What did you feed a pregnant woman? Take out was an obvious no, all that grease and fat could in no way be considered good for the growth of a developing baby. He'd have to find out what was in his fridge. As he opened the stainless steel appliance he was greeted with a carton of orange juice he didn't remember buying, a head of lettuce and a package of ham. Scrounging through the cabinets he found some kool-aid mix and a loaf of bread that was surprisingly not moldy, looks like he was making sandwiches.

"Sorry I don't have anything more but I haven't been able to get to the store lately." McGee apologized as he set a plate down in front of her before settling down with his own.

"This is more than enough, I haven't been able to eat much lately anyway." One of the first wonderful perks of pregnancy, morning sickness.

"So..." What was a good topic to talk about when your friend showed up completely out of the blue with no explanation? "There are a few houses not to far from here that are up for rent, maybe you and Tony could go check 'em out. I know the one up the street is a three bedroom with a backyard, it's a real nice one."

"You've seen it?"

"Yeah, I've been trying to find a backyard for Jethro but three bedrooms is to big for us."

"Where is your dog?" Ziva wondered finally noticing his absence.

"Sleeping in the bedroom, he will literally sleep through anything." McGee finished his sandwich disappointed that Ziva hadn't even started hers. "You should really eat something."

"I will." She promised starting to pick at her plate.

"For the baby." He knew that would get her eating. She might have been stubborn but he knew she'd do anything for her baby.

Taking a few bites of her sandwich she sighed. McGee was going to want to know why she was there and it would be better if she told him what she wanted him to know before he started asking questions. "McGee I was wondering if you'd let me use your couch for the night."

"Of course you can, but may I ask why?" When he had dropped her off things were fine so whatever had happened must have been after he left.

"Tony was stressing me out and I just need some space from everything right now." It was hard to think about what you were going to do in your relationship when said person was screaming at you.

"You can stay as long as you like, under one condition." Tim was dying to ask more about what Tony had done to make her leave but it wasn't his place to intrude and Ziva obviously did not feel like sharing.

"Which would be?"

"You take the bedroom, I can't honestly let you sleep on the couch." McGee had been instilled with manners which he tried to use as often as possible.

"I don't want to put you out, the couch will be more than enough." Ziva said standing stubbornly. She didn't like special treatment and that wasn't going to change now just because she was pregnant.

Seeing the defiant stance she had taken and the protective way in which she had her arms crossed over her chest he knew it would be a fight to get her to comply, one that he planned on winning.

"Ziva it's my house you're my guest so take the room."

"It's your house, your room, so I'll take the couch."

"Ziva honestly I'd feel better if you slept on a bed."

"Tim I showed up uninvited and I would feel really bad for intruding."

Had she just called him Tim? That was it it was time to change tactics. "Ziva like it or not you can't deny the fact that you are pregnant and I would feel like hell if you slept on the same third rate couch as the dog while I was in there. So please do me the favor and just humor me for the night." McGee pleaded, trying his best at a puppy face.

"Alright" She conceded sitting on the couch they had just been fighting over.

"So what do you want to do now?" There was a bit of shock in his voice at how easily Ziva relented.

"It does not matter." She was trying to stay out of the dark thoughts that were doing their best at dragging her in.

Taking a spot on the edge of his sofa he settled into the plush back thinking about what they could do. "So then tell me what you want." He finally decided he would just stick to the neutral and talk about the obvious. "A boy or girl?"

"I want a healthy child."

"OH come on Ziva. There's not one way you're leaning toward? Just a little?" Tim leaned in a bit, he knew if he had the option it would be a son, not for the typical reasons but because the only other option was a daughter and what would he do with a girl?

"Possibly a son but Tony wants a little girl to be his princess and I'd be just as happy with that." She shared as she slowly began to rub her stomach unconsciously.

"A little boy" McGee nodded the image of Ziva with a small curly headed child immediately coming to mind. "Well then lets run with the thought of a little boy. What do you want his room to look like, What kinds of colors or themes would you do?" When Abby had been pestering him about these things he could tell Ziva was trying her best to hold her tongue but now it seemed like the thought of these things was calming her, making her relax.

"Greens, maybe yellow. I think the blues are to over-rated, and animals, they are strong and inspiring and it would make a nice representation for the man he'd grow to be. The safari, or a jungle type theme would probably be my choosing." Ziva was beginning to see it all coming together in her minds eye. She wondered if Tony thought about any of these things, when he did talk about the baby he more told her than anything.

"How about names? What would you name your son?" As he sat there listening he couldn't think of any time he had seen her happier than right now as she talked about naming her first child.

"Well just like I told Abby there is still plenty of time and I haven't discussed it with Tony yet. Although if it is going to be a boy I will most likely name him after his father." It seemed to be a respectable tradition and maybe the third time really would be the charm.

"Ziva you are in a world all of your own here, there's no discussions to be had and everything's perfect. Now do you really want your son to be called Jr Jr.?" McGee honestly didn't want to be hearing about Tony right now, he wanted to follow Ziva right on along to dream world. He could at least pretend there that this was his reality not Tony's, that he had a shot.

"I had a friend when I was little that I cared deeply about but he died shortly after we met. He was a truly wonderful person and I'd like to think my son could carry that along. I'd name him Isiah, Isiah Anthony DiNozzo." Ziva leaned back shocked at how easily that had come to her.

"You see how easy that was. You've got your child's name and his whole bedroom set up, up there." He tapped lightly on his own head. He had easily got her to do the same exact thing Abby had tried at all morning with no progress.

"If only it was in fact that easy." Ziva got up as she began to stretch.

"It can be if you want it to." McGee vowed also getting up. He wanted her to know that he could make it that easy but he had lost his chance a long time ago and that was his own fault.

"Good night McGee." She wanted to ask him what he meant by that but the look in his eye was making it clear that she didn't want the answer.

"Night Ziva." He slowly sank back to the couch as she closed the door to his room. God he needed to get a grip on himself before he really did something that got him in a world of trouble.

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><p><strong>EN: I'm still not 100% positive on the direction this is going but I'd love to hear what you're thinking, any suggestions or other tidbits welcome as well.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Ziva" McGee called knocking on the door to his bedroom. Jethro was sleeping on the bottom of the couch when he woke so she must have let him out of the room sometime the previous night. "Ziva I'm sorry that I have to bother you but if I don't start getting ready for work I'll be late." McGee knocked a few more times.

He needed some coffee, maybe she'd be up by the time he got a pot going. Going into the kitchen he started looking for the liquid, Coffee, where was the coffee? There was no coffee great. Slamming the cabinet he stormed back to his room. "Ziva you're going to be late too!" Still nothing. That was it, he had no other option but to go in. Peering around the door he breathed out frustratedly, she wasn't even there. "Ziva, you in the bathroom?" Nope, the room was completely empty. "She could of at least woke me up before she left." He grumbled grabbing clothes out of his closet, he needed to shower.

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"Ziva?" McGee questioned walking back into the kitchen, hadn't she left?

"I thought I'd make breakfast since you made dinner last night." Ziva said pulling plates from the cabinet, the next part coming out a bit sheepishly. "I hope you don't mind but I did not have money with me so I borrowed a bit from your wallet on the side table."

"You went through my wallet?" How had he not noticed that?

"I'll pay you back. I just wanted to return the favor and your refrigerator was empty so I went to the store." She explained pulling biscuits from the oven, hopefully he wasn't to angry.

"It's fine Ziva, I've been meaning to go get some groceries for a while now. I'm just going to take Jethro out while you finish." He really wasn't mad at her just annoyed at himself.

"I already took him out and breakfast is done." Ziva said accenting the last word with a plate placed right in front of him.

"Thank-you" He sat eyeing the plate, it looked pretty good. "You didn't have to take Jethro out, I would have done it."

"You were in the shower and he was sitting by the door so I just thought it best to take him out before he had an accident. Just think of it as payment for me using your shirt to sleep in." Ziva pulled the bottom of said shirt showing him that she was indeed still wearing his shirt.

"You borrowed my shirt?" Where was his mind that he hadn't even noticed she was wearing his shirt?

"Yeah I'll get it washed and bring it back to you, now eat your food before you're late."

"Aren't you going to work?" McGee asked as he started eating. She certainly didn't look it with her hair pulled back messily, wearing the same sweats she had been in yesterday and his t-shirt.

"I'll be in around eleven, Gibbs already knows." Ziva slowly started to eat her own food praying it wouldn't be coming back up.

"Your taking the morning off wouldn't have anything to do with why you spent the night here would it?"

"As a matter of fact it doesn't, if you must know I have a doctors appointment."

"Ziva I didn't mean to pry-"

"It's fine McGee, you better get going before you're late." Ziva interrupted taking his plate from him.

"Ziva I'm sorry if-"

"Really it's ok, I'll clean up before I leave, now go." She assured pushing him out the kitchen.

"You don't have to do that." Was he really being escorted out of his own house?

"Bye McGee." Ziva waved shutting the door in his face. Now she just needed to clean the dishes and lock up, hopefully when she got home Tony would be long gone.

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"Hey McGee did you happen to see Ziva on your way up?" Tony nearly pounced on him the second he stepped off the elevator.

"No" McGee answered truthfully, he hadn't seen her since he left the house. Shouldn't Tony know about Ziva going to the doctor?

"Let me know if you see her."

"She's at the doctors DiNozzo, now gear up we've got a dead petty officer." Gibbs breezed right past, he kept his nose out of their business as long as they kept it out of the office but it looked like now he might have to talk with Ziva. He hadn't gotten the chance to be much of a father to Kelly but Shannon always let him know about every appointment she had before and after pregnancy so why didn't Tony know where Ziva was?

"On your six boss."

"Right behind you." McGee quickly followed feeling guilty for the slight deception. He didn't know what had gone on between Ziva and Tony but obviously she didn't want him to know where she was so he would keep quiet about her spending the night. She was his friend too and he'd do his best to stay out of the middle of whatever was going on. He just hoped that trying to be a good friend to them both wouldn't backfire and cause him to lose one if not two of his best friends.

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"Ziva!" Tony called nearly tripping as he bounced out of the elevator and down the corridor he had seen her turn into. "Ziva wait!"

"I need to go see Abby." She ignored as she kept on walking, she knew exactly what he wanted and it could wait until they got home, work was not the place to air their dirty laundry.

"Ziva," Tony pulled her by the arm effectively halting her.

Snatching her arm back she continued her path to the stairs, there was no way she was closing herself in an elevator that would make her nauseous.

"We need to talk." Tony followed her right down the stairs, he would follow her all day if he had to.

"About what!" She spat ferociously, spinning around to look him straight in the eye her own ablaze.

"The fact that you missed yet another doctors appointment, or your horribly distasteful opinions of me and your child!"

OK he deserved that. "Ziva I'm sorry."

"I don't want to be having this conversation right now." She turned back around ready to start down the next flight of stairs, she wasn't ready to hear an apology.

"Will you please just hear me out?" When she didn't move he continued before she could change her mind and leave. "I shouldn't have said any of that to you. I was just scared that something might have happened to you and when you finally showed up I had already worked myself into a frenzy thinking the worst. I really am sorry for letting my anger get the best of me." Tony held his breath waiting for Ziva to turn around, hopefully his apology was enough.

"I heard the baby's heartbeat again today. Something you don't seem to care to do." She wasn't sure how she was feeling at the moment, he had said he was sorry but was that going to be enough this time?

"That's not true."

"The baby you claim to be someone elses, the baby you proclaimed as a bastard." Ziva ignored his denial trying to hold back the tears as she ran her hands through her hair. She wasn't going to upset herself over this again.

"I shouldn't have done that, I regretted saying it the second it left my mouth Ziva. I love you and our baby and their is no doubt in my mind that it does indeed belong to me. Forgive me?" He nearly pleaded as he pulled her closer cautiously resting their foreheads together. He didn't know what he would do if he lost his family because of his big mouthed stupidity.

"Do you want to see the sonogram?" She was still mad but it seemed as if she had a weak spot to his pleading, it didn't hurt that she wanted her child to grow up with both parents either.

"I'd love to." Tony breathed pulling away slightly to give Ziva room to retrieve the picture. "Hey it doesn't look so much like an alien anymore." He joked, obviously Ziva hadn't found it funny though as she tried pulling it back from him. "But seriously she's starting to look just like her momma, beautiful." Leaning against the wall he continued to examine the sonogram, he was really becoming a daddy.

"And how can you be so sure it's a girl?" Ziva raised a questioning eyebrow, She didn't like how dead set he seemed to be on having a daughter.

"Because this right here," Carefully he placed a hand on either side of her belly. "is going to be daddy's little princess." Leaning in for a kiss he was interrupted by the shrill sound of his phone echoing in the stairwell. "You go show this to Abby," Tony suggested already getting himself back into work mode. "And I'm going upstairs to see what Gibbs needs before he decides to come looking for me and we both end up in it deep."

"Go" Ziva gave him a chaste kiss before he turned running up the stairs. Gripping the sonogram tightly she turned around starting down the next flight of stairs, she was going to take Tony's advice and show Abby knowing for a fact she'd be just as thrilled with the update.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Oh I am so making copies, this is just to adorable!" Abby smiled wondering if it would be fair to keep the original. "I can't wait for you to bring me one of those cd's so I can see this guy in action."

"I too am excited to receive one. It would be great to share these moments with Ducky and the rest of you." Ziva nearly toppled over by the force of the hug she was encircled in. "Abby too tight."

"Sorry," but she really wasn't, she already had to restrain her enthusiasm most days and if she had to keep it up she felt it very possible for her to burst before the baby arrived.

"I've got to be getting back upstairs, you make your copies and just give it back when you're done." Ziva left Abby's lab trusting her to return the sonogram in the condition it had been given so she could place it in a book of remembrances for her child.

"Hey Ziva." McGee greeted as he came out of the elevator; he hadn't seen her since that morning and hadn't been expecting to run into her.

"McGee" She nodded allowing him to continue on his way. "... Tim"

"Yeah?" He came back to join her, hesitance clearly heard.

"I just wanted to Thank-you again for last night. It was really appreciated."

"Ziva that's what friends are for, if you need a place again tonight you're more than welcome back." McGee offered, Ziva was good company and he would gladly help her out.

"It was only for the night but thanks, I'll bring your shirt in with me tomorrow." Ziva turned satisfied with their conversation.

"I'm glad you worked things out with Tony." McGee even surprised himself with how sincerely that had come out and he had truly meant it. "And Ziva?"

"Yes?" She stopped just outside the stairwell genuinely interested in what else he had to say.

"You ever need a place to stay my doors always open, no matter the time or day. If I'm not there all you have to do is call and that goes for anything Ziva. I'll gladly help in any way I can even if it's two in the morning and you just need to vent."

"I'll keep that in mind." She was touched by the gesture if not just a little surprised.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: I'm glad you're all enjoying and I really appreciate all of you who took the time to review. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five  
>GIBBS' house<br>6 months pregnant**

"What time did Tony say they'd be here?" Abby was pacing back and forth. She had wanted to give Ziva a babyshower but the woman had refused so she sneakily decided they would throw her a small party for finding out the sex of the baby instead, and it wouldn't be her fault if there just so happened to be a few presents there as well.

"Don't worry about it Abby, they'll be here." McGee assured as he pulled her away from the front door. He had been watching both Tony and Ziva closely after that night she had stayed at his place and he had noticed that Gibbs was too but everything seemed to be running smoothly since then.

"I'm just really excited McGee! How can you be so calm when we're finally going to know if we're going to have a niece or nephew!" Abby was nearly bouncing with anticipation.

"Anthony was just like this." Ducky spoke more to Gibbs and Palmer than anyone else. "He was beaming as he talked about his little girl, I just hope he has not dreamt up such a fantasy that will end in disappointment if said child does not turn out the gender of his choosing."

"As long as the baby's healthy I'm sure he'll be happy Duck." Gibbs had his own worries about Tony's insistence on having a daughter but he would just silently watch and see how things turned out.

"They're here." Palmer had apparently been playing look out at his make-shift post by the front window.

"YES, YES, YES!" Abby happily sung making her way back to the door.

"Abby you let them come in." Gibbs ordered knowing she was mere seconds away from running outside and ambushing them.

"Fine." She crossed her arms, but she couldn't be to disappointed because only a minute later Ziva was opening the door. "Oh my God! You're even bigger then the last time I saw you!" Abby squealed hugging her tightly. Ziva had been late to show but now that she was the sight was almost comical, she looked more like she had stuffed a volleyball up her shirt than she did pregnant.

"I just saw you yesterday." Ziva returned the hug with an awkward pat to Abby's back. She knew Abby was just excited but it was a bit insulting to think she looked bigger than she had twenty-four hours ago.

"You look radiant." Ducky greeted. He knew the emotional turmoil that came with pregnancy and he wanted to stifle any insecurities Abby may have caused to rise.

"Thank-you"

"Now on to the important stuff." Jimmy started as Abby finished joyfully, "The baby!"

Gibbs just stood to the side watching. He would have his time with Ziva there was no need to overwhelm her, and he was also watching McGee who had stayed strangely silent since Ziva had entered.

"I'll wait for Tony. It would not be right to share without him." Ziva had herself a seat as Gibbs silently took the one next to her on the couch.

"Where is he?" Abby didn't even wait for an answer as she stormed out the front door. "Tony get your butt in here!"

"I guess the stuff in the car will have to wait." Tony sighed as he was dragged through the door. He had been forced to drop the things he was getting as he was pushed up the porch steps and into the house.

"I'll get it." McGee offered leaving before anyone could protest.

"But" Abby huffed.

"You go ahead and tell them." Gibbs patted Ziva's leg as he too got up and left.  
>-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-<p>

"Why'd you just leave like that McGee?" He questioned as he grabbed some bags of his own from the trunk.

"They just got some really great news so I figured I'd take the chore off Tony's hands and let them celebrate." McGee shrugged as he took a peek in a few of the bags realizing he would have to sort through them because he doubted the shampoo had been for the dinner party.

"News you don't want to hear, or do you just not want to celebrate it?"

"Why would you think I wouldn't?"

"You've been watching them really closely lately." Gibbs confronted as he leaned against the bumper.

"And so have you. Something's off with them and we both know it." McGee was in a way glad to be sharing his concerns with someone. He had at first thought he was inventing things to fit his own needs but when he realized they had caught Gibbs' attention too he knew it was real.

Silently nodding Gibbs took his cargo and headed for the house. McGee was right about Ziva and Tony, there was something about their relationship over the past few months that seemed forced, if not fake but there was something off with McGee too. He would just watch and wait, and pray that Tony and Ziva's breaking of rule number seven wouldn't tear the team apart.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"McGee?" Gibbs had come back in about fifteen minutes ago but Tim had yet to return.

"Yeah" McGee looked up to Ziva from his seat on the steps.

"I was just wondering where you got off to." Ziva sat herself with a bit of difficulty and a lot of balance.

"Oh?"

"So what are you doing?"

"Thinking" McGee Offered. It was true mostly, his thoughts were a giant mess and he was trying to get them back in order.

"Oh" Ziva breathed as she followed his gaze to nothing apparent.

"So?" McGee emphasized his sight upon her stomach when it seemed like she hadn't caught on.

"It's a little boy." The smile was near blinding. "It came as quite a surprise for I too believed the little one to be a girl."

"I'm happy for you." And he was, he was almost positive he had been the only one told about her secretly wanting a son.

"Thank-" but she was cut off as she grimaced placing a hand on the side of her belly.

"What's wrong?" She had barely even knitted a brow but McGee could feel panic creeping up.

"He is as energetic as his father." Ziva nearly laughed at the mask of worry he was wearing.

Without really thinking about it McGee leaned down close whispering, "Isiah stop kicking your mommy, it isn't nice." before he pulled back realizing he might have crossed a line.

"I think we better be getting back inside." Ziva advised, in the end relenting to McGee's offer to help her up. Something about him speaking straight to her child, using the name she hadn't even shared with Tony yet leaving her uncomfortable and she didn't even know why.

"There you are." Abby swarmed them as soon as they entered the house. "Come on. We've got dinner and presents and cake and tomorrow we have to go shopping. Just think how much more fun it will be now that we know we're expecting a boy!"

"Abby I told you I did not want you making a big fuss." Ziva reluctantly followed her to the kitchen where everyone else seemed to be gathered.

"I didn't "fuss", there's no party games or weird pregnancy stories, not even any balloons. I only invited the team and before you start complaining about the presents remember they're not for you anyway." Abby was proud of that fact, how could Ziva yell about something intended for the good of her son.

"Have you two thought about what you'll be naming the young lad?" Ducky inquired. He had been happy to see Tony content with the idea of a son. At least now he and Gibbs wouldn't have to knock the unrealistic illusion out of his head.

"We" but Tony interrupted Ziva as he lost control of his tongue. "If it was a girl it was going to be something with a M, preferably a name that was both Italian with a good Hebrew meaning. Possibly Maryah, or maybe Maria but Isabelle and Sophia were mentioned too. I want something that proudly represents the Italian heritage."

"DiNozzo! You're having a boy." Gibbs reminded as Tony stopped for a breath. There was no way he would make it the rest of the night without smacking him if he continued at a speed like that.

"Do you even have to ask?" He smiled brightly.

"Really?" Palmer asked for clarification.

"It's a tradition." Tony shrugged.

"Aww there's going to be a little Tony!" Abby shrieked as she went over to Ziva starting the beginnings of an undesiferable conversation with her stomach.

"JR. JR." McGee voiced more to himself. He didn't pay attention to Tony as his smile only widened, too busy trying to place the look in Ziva's eyes. She was smiling and looked content but behind all that there was the tiniest glimpse of something else, something he planned on identifying.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six**

"Presents!" Abby shouted coming up with a big purple box with a bright pink bow.

"Abby we don't have any more room in the apartment. The living room has literally turned into a baby depot." Tony was looking at the small stack of presents sitting by the couch and wondering if Ziva would let him get away with packing them in the bathtub.

"I thought you got a place last week." Gibbs had specifically made sure they weren't on call last weekend so they could do just that.

"Tony did not like any of the places we looked at." Ziva told the room as she carefully took the gift from Abby.

"That three bedroom is still for rent, and I'm almost positive it's up for rent-to-own now." McGee shared, he had been keeping an eye on it and was seriously re-considering renting it out himself.

"We're looking for a bigger apartment or a condo McGee, when would we possibly find the time to care for a house?" Tony explained as he eyed the present in Ziva's lap.

"I'll get right on researching places, I'm sure I can find something right up your guys alley. Now open." Abby just wanted to see the look on their faces when her gift was revealed but she was sure she could find lots of great places they'd like.

"It's" Ziva slowly pulled the lid off, "Bert?" Had Abby really given her one of her most prized possessions?

"No, it's Beth." Abby explained. "She's Bert's sister and I wanted little Tony to enjoy her as much as I do Bert."

"Where's the collar?" Tony asked as Ziva passed the stuffed hippo.

"I took it off of course, a spiked collar isn't safe."Abby gave him an 'a duh' face. "Squeeze her!"

Squeezing slightly they were all surprised when the farting sound they were expecting didn't come.

"What was that?" Palmer was the one who finally broke the silence.

"She burps!"

"This one was bought as a little token towards the name since I figured he as well will call me Ducky." He passed over a simply wrapped shirt box taking the attention off of the burping hippo.

Looking inside Ziva found two outfits, the first was an all white one piece that had a fluffy yellow duck on its right side joined by a light green frog, and the other had an undershirt covered in duckies, plain light yellow pants and jacket that would match. On the top of the jackets hood was what was made to be a tiny tuft of fluff that would easily be found on any ducklings head and on the back of the pants was the simple word 'quack' done in a complementary orange.

"It is beautiful." Ziva fingered the fabric trying not to get too emotional. She imagined this would be the same way she would feel if it were her own grandfather sharing this moment with her, but in a way it was.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Next!" Abby passed another.

"That one's from me." Jimmy offered. "I wasn't sure what you had so I decided to take the safe route."

"I'm sure these will be put to good use." Ziva placed the gift bag of diapers and bottles by her feet.

"McGee got you this one." Abby patted the top of a big box covered in alphabet paper.

"What is it?" Tony stood beginning to inspect it.

"Well open it and find out, and appreciate the effort it took getting paper around that." McGee had tried to have it wrapped at the store but they refused to do something of that weight and size.

"OK McGiftwrapper." Tony slowly started peeling back paper. "A swing?"

"Yeah, you know what a swing is right?" McGee answered the near quizzical expression on Tony's face.

"Of course I do, I just wasn't expecting it. So what's up with the pattern?"

"What's wrong with it?" Tim glanced over his decision once again.

"Why'd you go with the safari theme, I mean what would have happened if it turned out to be a girl?"

"I liked the lion and I happen to know a few girls who feel the same." McGee was happy with the knowing smile Ziva was giving him.

"Well Thanks." Tony offered sitting back down next to Ziva.

"I'll bring you your gift when you find a suitable place." Gibbs spoke up having stayed silently to the side, he was observing his three agents' interaction.

"Cake time!" Abby interrupted, preventing anyone else from saying a thing.

"I'll help." Jimmy offered rising from his spot on the floor.

"I really do appreciate all of this and all of you. Your generosity and support is more than I would have dreamt of receiving so thank you." Ziva spoke to all four of the men that had been there for the good and bad, even when it was one of them that had caused it.

"It's only returning the favor." Ducky patted her leg from his seat on the other side.

"Never been a problem Ziver." and McGee just nodded in agreement with both men.

"Tah-dah!" Abby placed the cake on the table revealing it's message. In bright blue letters was written 'It's a boy' and the border was done with white and an indigo that Ziva assumed would have gone just as well with pink lettering.

"Thank-you" Ziva told Abby as she accepted a knife from an expectant looking Palmer. He obviously liked cake and she would humor him.

"Thanks" Jimmy accepted his piece with almost child like enthusiasm, going to his own part of the room to enjoy it.

"How's this pregnancy been treating you?" Ducky wondered as he accepted his own piece of cake. He was the one who tended to the team as a physician most cases and it was a bit strange having one of them seeing another doctor regularly even if it was for a completely different reason.

"It's been easy, a few incidents here and there but other than that I've been doing well." Ziva had a few rougher patches but she wouldn't complain because she knew the end result would be more than worth it.

"Like last week." Abby pulled her lips into her mouth the second she said it knowing she shouldn't have.

"What happened last week?" Palmer eyed the leftover cake wondering how rude it would be to ask for a second piece.

"Nothing"Abby deflected hoping they would drop the subject.

"Really Abby what happened?" Tony's attention was on her as his curiosity began taking over.

Shaking her head vehemently Abby refused to speak another word afraid to let something else slip.

"That did." Ziva pointed to Abby knowing the rest of them wouldn't understand, although Gibbs had been there for the very last and probably most embarrassing part.

"What did?" McGee was confused.

"Abby you started you finish." But it was said in humor more than anything. No, she hadn't planned on sharing but it wasn't worth hiding either.

(flashback)  
><em>"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby spun around quickly.<em>

_"I'm not-" Ziva stopped as Abby spun around so fast she ended up hitting herself in the eye with a braided pigtail. She knew she shouldn't laugh and she was trying her best not to but the stunned look on Abby's face was priceless and she couldn't hold back._

_"OWWWW" Abby drew out, her hand automatically reaching up to rub her eye. "That's not funny."_

_"I know, I'm sorry," but her apology went without merit as she couldn't quite calm herself, especially not with the pout Abby was wearing._

_"Ziva" Abby whined, her eye was watering slightly and she didn't like being laughed at._

_"I.. I... I.." She really was trying to get a grip on herself but it obviously wasn't working._

_"Did you just snort?" Ziva had totally just snorted._

_Shaking her head she tried answering but she couldn't find the breath to do so._

_"You did!" Abby was laughing herself now._

_"Stop" Ziva breathed holding the side of her stomach, she really needed to stop._

_"I'm not doing anything, you're the one that's gonna end up having that baby in the middle of my lab if you keep it up." Abby wasn't sure why Ziva was in a near fit of hysterics but apparently it was contagious because she had joined her in the fit of giggles._

_"I.. I've got to.." but Ziva found she couldn't straighten up fast enough to prevent what her laughing fit had caused._

_"Do I even want to know?" Gibbs came in to see Ziva looking down at herself, along with Abby's eyes on the wet spot of the floor just below her._

_Looking up at Gibbs for a moment they then turned sharing another look before the laughter picked up once more. (end _f/b)

"I would have loved to have seen that." Tony shared a laugh with the others taking pleasure in the rare coloring to Ziva's ears.

"So would've I, I've been nearly blinded with those things at least a dozen times. It's about time you learned the destruction they're capable of." McGee pulled lightly on the end of one piggy tail.

"That's actually quite normal in-" but Ducky's rant was cut off by Gibbs', "Shannon did the same to me, but hers was in the front of my truck." and with a slight smirk he left for the presumable basement.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

"Tony can I talk to you?" Ziva sat on the couch wondering if he would mind her interrupting his basketball game.

"Sure." He flipped off the TV and turned to face her completely, giving her his full attention.

"I wanted to discuss the name of our baby."

"What's to discuss? We already agreed on naming him Anthony DiNozzo." Tony leaned back wondering what had caused Ziva to change her mind.

"And I still want him to be Anthony DiNozzo, just not the third." She hoped he wouldn't be too upset with her feelings, at least he didn't look to be at the moment.

"How would he not be the third if he's named after me?" She was looking skittish and he had a feeling he was causing her to be that way, so he relaxed even more hoping it would calm her.

"I want to give him a different first name and use Anthony as a middle." She finally shared, she didn't like the idea of letting him go on believing something that wasn't the complete truth.

"What else could you possibly have in mind?" Tony had sat back up now, if his name was good enough for her two months ago why wasn't it now?

"Well I'd like to name him after a childhood friend that meant a great deal to me. I wish him to be Isiah Anthony." She began subconsciously rubbing a pattern through her t-shirt, an act she had picked up not long after finding out about her pregnancy that tended to soothe them both.

"I don't like it." Tony stated simply.

"Will you at least give it some consideration?"

"There's no need to Ziva, I don't like it." He was a bit firmer this time, he had the right to have a say in what his son would be called.

"Tony it's important to me, just like I know it means a lot to you for him to carry on your name and this way he'll still have it. All I ask is that you put some actual thought into it and not turn me down so hastily." This was supposed to be a joint decision and he seemed dead set on turning her down.

"So now I'm not thinking? No Ziva, maybe there might be a different name we can compromise on but that's not it." He turned back to the television flipping it on.

"How would you feel if I said I've changed my mind and I want his sir name to be David instead?" Ziva tried a different angle to get her point across.

"He's a DiNozzo not a David, why would you want to shut me out like that?" Tony muted his game turning back to her, did she really have plans on doing that to him?

"I wouldn't but is that not what you're doing to me?" He still wasn't getting it.

"That's not the same."

"How is it not!" She was trying to be reasonable but now Tony was just making her mad.

"Turning down a half rate name is not the same as giving my child a different last name! If you're going to do that you might as well start telling people he's not mine cause that's what they're going to think!" He yelled, she wasn't happy until they were fighting.

"I am sick and tired of walking on egg shells around you! No matter what I say or do you end up disappointed in me and I don't know what you were expecting but I will never be that housewife you are trying so desperately to turn me into!" Ziva refused to let the tears fall, she had felt this way for months and it was past time that he knew.

"Ziva I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I promise I'll consider it." He grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Are you happy?" Ziva removed his hand as she stood facing him. "Can you honestly tell me that you don't feel the same?"

"I love you," He pleaded, she had had an emotional day and he should've known better than to upset her.

"Tony something that is meant to be shouldn't be so difficult. I watch every word I use around you and you barely speak with me because we both know it will most likely end in an argument neither of us want." Ziva knew he felt the same and she wished he would just make it easier on them both and admit it.

"Ziva I said I was sorry." He was trying his best, yet it never seemed to be enough.

"Sometimes that is not enough. I love you and I hope our friendship can get back to what it was but I can not do this anymore, it is not healthy nor is it fair for either of us." She finally let a tear fall as she saw the pain in his eyes.

"Give me another chance." He thumbed away her tears praying to prevent any of his own.

"I have, I've tried my best to stay for our son but we've been splitting since before I knew of his existence. I can not stay solely because I am pregnant, that isn't right and in the end will only cause disastrous results. If we end things now it is with a relationship left to fix."

"And what about our son? Are you honestly going to split his family before he gets the chance to experience having one?" Ok it might have been a low blow but he was desperate.

"You are his father and nothing will change that. I'd like to mend our friendship for his benefit and ours but in the end that is up to you and I am sure the team will give him just as much love as they would have had we stayed together." It was time for her to go.

"And if I said you can name him Isiah?" Tony tried following her.

Ziva couldn't help the watery chuckle that left her throat, "If only it were that easy, but for now at least it is not."

"Can't blame a guy for trying." Tony tried for a smirk but it was probably closer to a grimace.

"No I can't."

"Where are you going?" He was still worried about her safety, it was past midnight.

"I do not yet know." She pulled on her sweater as she began searching for her keys.

"Stay the night Ziva, I'll leave if you want but I don't want anything happening to you."

"I will be fine." She shook her head still searching for her keys.

"Here" He shook the keys to get her attention and also passed over her cell. "If you insist on leaving at least let me know that you're safe when you get there." He doubted he'd be sleeping tonight but at least he wouldn't have to wonder if she was safe.

"I will send you a text." She pocketed the phone and moved to open the door.

"Wait a second," He squatted in front of her feeling a bit ridiculous but not really caring. "I love you," He placed a chaste kiss to the center of her stomach, "and mommy. Right now she's just being stubborn but I promise I'll fix this."

"Tony" Ziva warned feeling her eyes beginning to mist.

Getting up he made direct eye contact, "I do love you Ziva and I will figure out how to make things right between us again."

"I better be going." She knew she was doing the right thing but it didn't mean she wouldn't consider staying if he continued.

"Be safe." He waited for her figure to disappear from the hallway before shutting the door. He meant every word he had said, things might be bad, he might be the reason they were, but he planned on fixing that. He was going to get his family back one way or another no matter what the cost.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

He was just sitting there, he came in bright and early and sat right at the bottom of the stairs and hadn't moved since. Normally Gibbs wouldn't mind but despite what the others thought he had a life outside of his basement and he was about to be late for said life if Tony didn't start talking soon. He had put his sandpaper away, swept the whole floor and was now openly staring at him but apparently he still hadn't received the hint. "DiNozzo!" He was done with subtle, near four hours of silence should be enough for any man to get his thoughts together.

"How do I fix things?" Tony had been up all night trying to figure out how to do just that. When he started thnking back on what Ziva was saying he couldn't help but agree and that scared him and that is how he ended up here in Gibbs' basement looking for advice and an unbiased opinion.

"What are you trying to fix?" He had a hunch from the way Tony was acting but he wanted to receive all the details.

"Ziva left." Tony nearly whispered, he didn't like the finality saying it aloud brought.

"What do you mean left?" Gibbs dragged a chair across the way to sit infront of the other man.

"We got in an argument last night over the name of the baby and she just left."

"Is that all," Gibbs nearly laughed at him. "It's the hormones DiNozzo, she'll be back by the end of the night."

"I don't think she will." Tony shook his head disbelieving Gibbs' certainty. "She said that we're better off as friends."

"And are you?" Gibbs asked the question he seen in Tonys eyes. He had thought so from the beginning but it was something they needed to learn for themselves and even though he hadn't seen it working, they were too different and too alike in too many ways, he still hoped that they'd beat the odds and be happy together.

"When we first started dating things couldn't have possibly gotten any better but it seemed like the farther into our relationship we got the worse it became. By the time she told me she was pregnant I wasn't recognizing myself anymore let alone her, I spend most days apologizing for things I would have never dreamt of saying to her before now." Tony breathed out, ashamed with that confession. Looking Gibbs straight in the eye he sincerely asked, "How do I get us back to the way we used to be?"

"Does she want to try to do that?" Gibbs had his suspicions things between them hadn't been as rosey as they were making them appear to be but he didn't realize Ziva had been so close to calling it quits.

"Putting it shortly she said if it wasn't for the baby we would've been done long ago but I can't bring myself to give up so easily. I know if she gives me another chance I can do better, I will do better, I don't want to lose my family Gibbs." He was beginning to panic, he really was going to lose everything if he didn't figure something out.

"I can't tell you what to do and I don't know if you two will be able to work it out but sometimes," Gibbs stood giving Tonys shoulder a reasssuring squeeze, it wasn't his place to get involved. "Sometimes if you love something enough you realize you're better off letting it go." He climbed his stairs leaving Tony to process what had been said. He would try his best to support whatever decision they made he just hoped they could resolve things peacefully for work and more importantly their childs sake.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Ziva?" McGee opened his door surprised to see her standing there.

"I thought you and Abby were going shopping today."

"I told her I was really not up to going, we rescheduled for next weekend." And she wasn't, Abbys cheerful mood would only serve to disappoint her more at the moment. She was saddened by the outcome of her relationship but she really couldn't say she was heartbroken. No, she had already faced that heartbreak three months ago when she had heard those awful words leave his mouth but now she had finally taken a deep look at what was in front of her and realized what she finally needed to be corageous enough to do.

"What are you doing here if you're not feeling well?" McGee guided her inside and to a chair ignoring her protests.

"I'm fine I just did not feel like spending the day surrounded by expectant mothers and noisy children."

"I don't know if you've realized this but you are one of those expectant mothers that's about to have one of those noisy children." McGee sat next to Ziva not paying to much attention to the irony of what she had just said.

"I know this," Ziva rolled her eyes at what she assumed to be McGees attempt at humor. "I was just wondering if perhaps you could take me to see this house you keep telling me about."

"Um, yeah, sure. If you wanna go take a look we can go right now if you want." McGee agreed a bit confused. Hadn't Tony just said yesterday that they weren't interested in renting out a house?

"Lets" Ziva rose from her chair and made her way back to the door where she tossed him his coat.

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"So what did you think?" McGee asked after they had settled down in a booth with their food for a late lunch.

"I see why you like it so much, it really is a beautiful place." Ziva had been slightly surprised when they stopped out front of the house that they had. It was a beautiful little house that looked out of place next to its neighbors.

"And?" He had watched her admire the layout and house as a whole and was confused as to why she hadn't called Tony so they could fill out an application.

"And what?"

"Do you plan on renting it?" McGee was not believing she didn't know what he was talking about.

Shaking her head as she swallowed she took a small sip of her soda before explaining. "I can not afford to spend that much in rent at the moment, especially not since I started a new savings account for the little one."

"Okay it's a little on the pricier end but between you and Tony it really shouldn't be that much of a stretch." McGee knew how much they were currently paying for rent and the house really wasn't all that much more especially when you considered all the extra room they'd be getting.

"Tony," Ziva sighed placing her fork down, she knew that everyone would know eventually but it was still going to be awkward. Would they show her hate or pity, and which would be worse to deal with? "Tony will not be moving with me."

Sliding closer to the table he ignored the protest of the old leather as he tried to clarify what he had just heard. It didn't work but he pushed his plate to the edge of their table as he leaned his arms across it making sure she had his full attention before asking," What do you mean he's not moving with you?"

She too pushed her plate away, if she hadn't lost her appetite already she knew she would after this conversation. "I assume he will keep our current apartment."

"Wait, he threw you out?" He was shocked. "How could he do that! You know what we're going to go talk to him! How the hell does he figure he can just play everbody like that yesterday and then just toss you out! If you guys were having problems ok but he should have tried working them out with you not just getting rid of you like yesterdays leftovers! What kind of man is he actually claiming to be! If he really wanted out so bad he could have just left but kicking you out... I...I can't believe him! Yeah we're definately going to have some words." McGee had his fists clenched so tightly that the nails were digging in but he didn't dare loosen them in fear of what he might do. He had sat silent in his misery so that they could be happy and no one would be uncomfortable and this was how Tony repaid him. He stood by and had even been their biggest support when Gibbs found out and for what? For Tony to prove he didn't deserve a damn thing, for him to hurt Ziva in a way he would never dream of doing.

"McGee" Ziva spoke quietly hoping he would get the message. She should have been clearer when she said that so he wouldn't have misunderstood, his outburst had cost them unwanted attention and they still had a few lingering stares. "I left."

"You left?"

"Yes. He did not force me to go, that is what I chose so I would really appreciate it if you did not have words with him." Ziva used his words trying to make him understand. Tony and Tim had an admirable friendship and she did not want to be the one to cause it damage.

"Oh," He was beginning to feel a bit embarassed now and the spying eyes weren't helping any. He took the moment of silence that crept upon them to collect himself and inspect the ugly red half cresents that covered his palms. "Why?"

"It is what I think is best for us, ...for me." She hoped he would understand, that he wouldn't judge.

"So you two are done, just like that?" McGee leaned back feeling his residual anger disappear as curiousity washed over him.

"It was not a fluke McGee, I thought a great deal about what I would do and how I could make things work, I did not just get bored and decide to leave. Like I said it is for the best that we end things." She was beginning to feel defensive against the way he thought she could possibly be so dismissive with her relationship.

"Do you think it was worth it?" It was a question he probably should have kept to himself, one that would probably anger her but he wanted the answer.

"I do not regret my child McGee!" How could he say such a thing?

"No Ziva, I didn't mean it like that!" He quickly assured mentaly kicking himself, he didn't think she'd take it like that.

"I'm just as excited about the baby as everyone else is trust me, I just meant if you thought risking your friendship with Tony for something more turned out to be worth it."

"There was no way we could've predicted what would've happened. It was a chance we both willingly took and yes, I do think about how different things would be if we stayed just friends but he gave me one of the greatest gifts I will ever receive so no, I don't regret a single second of it." She unknowingly answered something that had been bothering him for months.

"You ready?" He wasn't sure what else to say and they had already made enough of a scene in this restaurant for one day.

"Yes" Ziva carefully slid out of her seat pulling on her coat as she followed him to the exit. "Do you want to do something else?" It was a little past three now and she really didn't want to go back to her hotel room and wallow.

"We could watch a movie but we'd have to go to the theater because I don't think I have anything rated G at home." They had just had a stressful conversation and he was feeling it so he knew Ziva had to be too which wasn't good for the baby so he was going to do his best to lighten the tone of things.

"Rated G?" At least he didn't seem to have changed his attitude toward her but the comment had still confused her.

"Yeah, that's the only thing the little guy is allowed to see." McGee smiled as he closed a laughing Ziva in his car.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter nine**

**29 weeks pregnant**

"Ziva we need to talk."Tony blocked her path as she tried going back to the bullpen.

"No we need to get back to work." She tried going around but he wasn't having it.

"How am I ever supposed to make us work if you wont even bother listening." He hadn't had a non work related conversation with her in nearly three weeks.

"I already told you we can't make anything happen, I don't want to force anything and right now my main focus is on the baby." Every moment she found herself alone with Tony he would start pleading and she had eventually distanced herself trying to avoid the stress.

"I'd like him to be my main focus as well but I can't when you keep pushing me away." Tony argued, he could tell Ziva was avoiding him.

"I am not pushing you away."

"How are you not! I don't know where you live, I never see you outside of work, and you haven't even updated me on any of your appointments!"

"Only because that's how you've made it. I want those things too but until you can accept the fact that we aren't together that is how it will stay." She already received a dozen texts and phone calls each day, she did not need to add a pleading Tony on her doorstep.

"How do you find this fair? I want to be a part of my sons life, I want to be able to go into his room in the middle of the night and just hold him. So you want to hear it I'll say it; I screwed up big time. I did and said a lot of things I shouldn't have and I'm not even going to say sorry because right now that would insult us both but help me out here Ziva. I'm suffering beyond belief over here and no I didn't realize how much I'd miss you but now that you're gone it's like so am I." He really hoped she'd forgive him because he was running out of arguements and faith.

"Tony I want you to be a part of his life too and you will be but right now I just want to start mending our friendship. If we can make it to the point that we could have a fresh start and possibly start something better than I'll be eagerly awaiting but right now I think you need to step back from everything and figure out what you really want and what'll be best for you." He had tried the guilt card before and even though it usually worked she had continued to stay strong.

"I don't want to be a weekend father. If going back to the beginning is the only way for me to get you to consider restarting a relationship with me than I'll do it. I'll give you the space and we'll do things your way but I'm not giving up. I'm not going to sit on the sidelines and just let all of this pass me by." Maybe this way they would figure out what went wrong.

"I'm glad you've decided to work with me on this but I'm not promising anything Tony. We may not work out but you don't need to worry about your relationship with the baby. I would never do anything to harm it and I would never prevent you access to your son." It was hard on her too knowing all the moments he was going to miss because they didn't live together and the thought was bringing tears to her eyes but she knew in the long run her and Tonys split was for the best and he too would figure that out eventually.

"We'll see." He wanted to believe her but he was beyond vulnerable at the moment, torn between wanting to repair his soon to be family and just letting the whole thing with Ziva end so he could begin the healing process and work on being the best father he could possibly manage to be.

"Yes we will." She finally made her way past him, leaving him to his thoughts but he had stirred up a few of her own. Was Tony being genuine? She had caught him going through her planner last week and knew that he knew her last appointment was two days ago. If he really wanted an update why hadn't he shown? Why did he only ever mention their son when he was trying to convince her to come back, like his own personal bargaining chip? And if in the 14 months that they had been together things hadn't worked why would they now just because of their son?

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"Ziva can we talk?" Ziva rolled her eyes at the near identical question from McGee. She had gained the gazes of both Gibbs and Tony through out the day and all she wanted to do was go home where she could lose the scrutiny for a few hours.

"I thought you took the afternoon off?"

"Yeah I did but that's why I want to talk to you." He hurried behind Ziva who he had barely caught in the elevator and was now following off base.

"I'm listening." She stopped, giving McGee her full attention. It wasn't his fault she had a bad day and he had been a huge support so she would try her best not to be rude.

"Well actually I want to show you." Nerves seemed to be eating away at him and he knew it was visible but he couldn't help it.

"Show me what Tim?" Ziva found herself curious at this McGee, she hadn't seen him this unsure of himself since they first met.

"Come with me." He didn't answer her question instead pulling her by the hand and to his car.

"Where?" She was to stunned by his sudden actions to even think about the fact that McGee was indeed holding her hand.

"It's a surprise." He closed her in nearly running to the drivers side. He was excited to show her what he had been up to and hoped she'd be too.

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>"OK," Tim slowly pulled up outside his destination.<p>

"What are we doing here?" Ziva was confused as to why they came back to the house they had gone through nearly a month and a half ago, everything seemed to be the same but the rent to own sign was gone.

"Lets go."

"Go where?" Zivas question fell on deaf ears though because he had already gotten out and closed the door. "What are we doing here?" She asked once she had made it next to him on the porch, he was sorting through a ring of keys.

"I know I helped you move into your current apartment but that was only because you wouldn't stay with me and I couldn't let you stay in a hotel but that tiny one bedroom isn't enough. I did a little haggling and they already dropped the price so if you let me rent out the backyard that should make up the difference from what you wanted to pay." With that he handed her a key.

"McGee I can't accept this, it wouldn't be right for you to pay for me to live here." The weight felt oddly right in her hand but she couldn't bring herself to use it.

"I'm not paying for you I'm paying for Jethro and in the long run it's saving me money not to have to pay someone to take him out twice a day. Now open." He knew he should have explained after taking her inside.

"Tim I really-"

"Ziva just take a look around first and if after that you're still not sure we'll discuss it. Alright?" Nodding her agreement she slid the key in it's lock slowly pushing the door open.

"It's furnished," not only that but it had been repainted and completely decorated.

"Just this room, I left the others for you to fix as you want. The livingroom's easy but I left the kitchen and bedrooms for you to put your style and touches." McGee shrugged, he knew that Ziva had gotten rid of a lot of her stuff and the rest was still at Tonys.

"You paid for all of this?" She was still trying to figure out why he would just give her such a gift, but the warm tones were starting to draw her in and she was beginning to feel the homey vibe her cold apartment left her longing.

"My novel's still going strong but that doesn't matter. Do you like it?" She had began an inspection of his hard work and he couldn't read her expression.

"It's... Thank you" There was still a part of her that was screaming this was pity for the charity case but she knew McGee wouldn't do that and this was just his way of showing support in her decisions.

"There's more." Tim knew Ziva thought this was it but the next part was the surprise that he wanted to show her, he just hoped he hadn't overstepped any boundaries.

"This is more than enough." She couldn't even imagine what else he could have done.

"Well it's to late to change anything now so I guess you'll have to accept it and your landlord gave me nothing but grief about the paint so I hope you enjoy it." He led her down the hall and to the right in the direction of his present. "This is Isiahs room."

Running her fingers across the plaque that said just that she found herself speechless. It was simple enough, a soothing blue that showed a monkey swinging from a vine but the trees themselves were done intricately bringing in the name and making it blend in but the same exact way having it stand out with the design the vines had created. "This was hand painted, yes?"

"I couldn't find one I liked so I went to a shop that does special orders." He shrugged, Ziva was already looking stunned and they hadn't even made it into the room yet. "I hope you like," and with no other pauses he opened the door following Ziva in.

A pastel green was the first thing you were greeted with but the characterized animals were what stopped Ziva in her tracks. There was a coconut tree painted on either side of the crib that was on the center of the main wall offering the illusion of shade to the beds occupant. On the right side was a beautiful blue elephant that was using his trunk to shower, blissfully unaware of what was going on behind him and to the left of the crib where an infantized hippo, zebra, and panda played in the stray sprinkles and puddles caused by their friends bath. On the adjoining wall next to the window was a lion stretched for sleep, mouth wide open in a devilish yawn, a white shelf had been strategically placed underneath as if he had sprawled there for an evening nap. Last but not least in the corner next to the closet with the white slatted doors was a lively giraffe eating freely from a beautifully flurished tree.

"What do you think?" She hadn't said a word since they entered and he was beginning to think that he had indeed crossed some line.

"It's beautiful, the detail is amazing." She was mesmorized how she literally felt like the giraffee was towering over her when he in reality couldn't possibly be more than ten feet, the full height of the wall.

"Who better to let you know how much you're growing than one of the tallest animals out there." McGee pointed out that the herbivore doubled as a measuring chart.

" You emptied out my apartment?" Across from her was the swing that he had given her out of the box and fully set up along with the crib and changing table that she knew had still been stacked in a corner of her living room when she had left that morning.

"Just the babies things." He pulled open the closet revealing hangers and shelves covered in clothes and toys. "And Gibbs brought over your shower present."

"I will have to thank him." Ziva moved closer to inspect the handcrafted rocker that Beth the hippo was currently seated in.

"So you're staying then?"

"Yes" Ziva was still admiring what would be her sons room.

"That's great!" He surprised himself when he pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her cheek but was absolutely floored when she returned the gesture.

"Thank you Tim." She would have never imagined being in this situation with him but he had turned out to be one of her best friends, a place she could always lean on and a constant source of support. There was a bond she couldn't name that had formed between them and she didn't even want to bother, it was something good when things were bad and she wasn't about to question that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**32 weeks pregnant**

"Hey Ziva!"

"Abby" Ziva nodded as she continued with her papers.

"You haven't been down to see me in awhile." It had been over two weeks to be exact.

"I've been busy." It was a bad excuse and they both knew it but things had been more awkward between them lately than when they had first met.

"You're not now." Abby looked around the bullpen that was nearly empty, Ziva had been restricted from all field duty three weeks ago and had since as Tony joked become base commander, her sitting calmly at her desk clearly said she had free time.

"I'm filling out my maternity leave." She sighed as she set her pen down and turned her attention to Abby, it was well past time for them to work things out.

"Just now?" It was a little surprising since it was no secret that paperwork traveled slower than a snail around here, if she was lucky her leave would be granted by the time her son turned three months. "I helped Tony with his and between sick days and vacation time he's got himself nearly a month free."

"So he told me, I was glad to hear it." If this was Abby's way of extending an olive branch she too would reach out.

"Ziva I'm sorry, I just want you guys to be happy." They had been out when she had learned of her friends' split and to say she hadn't taken it well would be an understatement. She had accused Ziva of being selfish in her moment of anger and had said a few other choice words that she wasn't proud of.

"And we are Abby." They still had their squabbles but she was glad to say they had finally come to an agreement and would just enjoy the rest of her pregnancy and leave their relationship problems to deal with after the baby was born. It hadn't been easy convincing Tony that they would indeed still be a happy family but she had finally got him to see that they had been one since before all of this had started and it would continue that way long after their eighth member joined. "We just went for dinner the other night and I can honestly say it's the first time we've been truly happy in months now."

"That's like when you find out your friend's getting married and say I'm happy for you, that's not the happy I want you guys to have. I want you and the Tonys ..."

"His name is Isiah." It had been selfish on her part to start considering her child as such without Tony's final say but she and McGee had thought of him as Isiah for five months and had spoken it in regards to her son for two so it had indeed stuck and in her heart she knew it had been the right decision. Though she wasn't sure if Tony had started it to get on her good side, he too had taken to calling their son Isiah over the last three weeks and had even started full conversations with him ignoring her completely. They had spent last weekend working jointly on a cold case and after about three hours of nothing Tony had given up and began speaking openly about some of the things they needed to finish before Isiah arrived. Ziva had mentioned still needing to swap her car and they had yet to get a carseat and Tony had gone along fairly well with everything until she had said she doubted they'd need a stroller. He had then ignored her and proceeded to explain to Isiah exactly why they would be getting one and when she had tried reasoning that she doubted they'd get much use out of it he had shushed her for as he said 'interrupting their bonding time' which had caused her to laugh. So she sat back as a third wheel and listened as Tony explained how Isiah'd be cruisin' in the strollers version of a Mercedes.

"Well same thing, I want you to have the white picket fence, own version of Mayberry happy." Abby pouted as she shifted on her boot.

"I think I like our version better." She was nearly positive she had understood the reference correctly but it didn't matter she got the point. "I forgive you and respect the concerns you have but I can't assure you of something I don't yet know, Tony and I are content with how we've handled things so far and I'm asking as a friend if you too can accept things as they are." Her back was stiff and her feet were sore, Isiah had been kicking a constant for near an hour so if it was a bit harsh and possibly blunt it wasn't without reason.

"I will," Abby nodded as she moved around the desk and offered an awkward one armed hug. "if nobody's hurting and the three of you are good I'm good."

"Do you want to come over tonight?" She didn't feel up to going out but having Abby over would clear any residual tension between them.

"Sorry, bowling practice tonight, tomorrow for sure though." And she was, she'd yet to see Ziva's new place and she was curious. "I've got to get back to the lab but I'll try to catch up with you before I leave."

"Alright" Ziva sighed as she stood with her leave request, she'd take it to Vance directly.

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"Hey Zee, you still here?" Tony hadn't been expecting her to still be at the office, unless they had a case she usually followed the 9-5.

"I was just about to leave, where's Gibbs and McGee?" Ziva questioned as they had all left together.

"McGee picked short straw and got first crack at tailing Martinez, I'm assuming Gibbs went home to get some shut eye before he takes the graveyard shift, and I will be taking over at sunrise until we get enough to bring him in or Martinez leads us somewhere useful." He explained as he decided against powering up his computer, he was fairly sure there was nothing to do that couldn't be put off until tomorrow. "I'll walk down with you." Tony offered as he hurriedly took her bag as she grabbed her badge and gun from her top drawer, he was set to leave anyway.

"Alright" Ziva agreed as she tucked the items into her purse and followed him into the elevator that would lead them to the parking garage.

"So, since we aren't on call this weekend I was thinking we'd go trade your car in and get that carrier, maybe a few other things." Tony waited for an answer but when he didn't receive one immediately he turned to see Ziva leaning against the elevator wall with her eyes clenched slightly. "Ziva? Ziva are you alright?"

"Yes, just tired, the day has been a long one." She hadn't meant to worry him but she was feeling beyond drained.

"Well then I wont make it any longer. Isiah behave yourself for mommy," Tony rubbed a small pattern on her belly which to Ziva's dismay sent him into another energetic kicking fit. "and you just call me if you need anything."

"Actually I do." She stopped him before he could get too far. "Will you give me a ride home?"

"To your house?" He was stunned and it had him walking back the few feet to her.

"That is where I live." Ziva nodded as she started toward his car. She would've asked McGee since he lived blocks away and they sometimes drove to work together but that wasn't an option and she didn't feel like driving.

"But I've never been there." Tony had jumped back into reality as he opened the car door and moved the seat back for her.

"Then I will give you directions." She climbed in, she knew what he meant but he had been doing good over the last few weeks and it was about time for him to see where their son would be living.

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"I can't believe you moved so close to McGee." Tony's eyes were wide as he tried to absorb every detail.

"He helped me get this place." Ziva mentioned as she dropped the keys and mail on a side table. "I'm going to go change, will you do me the favor and let Jethro in since McGee wont be by to pick him up."

"Sure" Tony mumbled as he started his search for the back door, he was wondering if McGee and his dog coming over was an everyday occurrence. The bowls he passed in the kitchen answered that as Tony found it wasn't a back but side door that he was looking for. He wasn't sure how he felt about McGee having free reign while he was kept on such a tight leash but he ignored those feelings stirring as he called out for the dog. "Here Doggy!" The dog was sprawled carelessly across the lawn looking offended and no where near ready to move but a whistle from behind him had the same mutt up and bounding toward him in seconds.

"I do not think he understands the word doggy." Ziva explained as she scratched the German shepherd behind the ears, she was in blue flannel pajama bottoms and a plain white tank.

"Well then he's not as smart as he looks." Tony huffed as he gave the dog one last appraising look. "How 'bout you give me a tour of the place."

"This would be considered a breakfast nook I believe." Ziva was talking about the tiny room they were standing in that she had yet to do anything with. "Then you've already seen the living room and kitchen, and this would be the hallway that leads to the bedrooms." She stopped at the top of it to flip on a light. "This is the guest room, you'll probably stay in there when the baby's born." She turned the light on for a moment to let him see the modest room that was sparsely furnished with a twin bed and a chest of drawers. "This is my bedroom and right here across from it is the bathroom." Ziva didn't even bother stopping for either of those as she turned to the little nook at the right that held the door to her sons room.

"This is Isiah's room." Tony read from the door as he took the liberty to open it.

"It's beautiful, no?" Ziva was glancing over the room again and the little touches she had added.

"Yeah it's nice, it's real nice, though I can see we need to add a bedding set to the list of things to get this weekend." He was referring to the crib that had nothing more than a sheet on the mattress. He really did like the room he was just feeling guilty for not having a part in it, it was his responsibility to cuss and curse at the crib that wouldn't go together before admitting defeat and getting Gibbs to do it and he hoped that Ziva had received help with this task and hadn't been left to face it on her own.

"Good, I'm glad." She smiled as she turned out the light and pulled the door closed. "And you can add diapers to that list."

"The kid's not even born yet and I'm already making diaper runs." He joked as he followed her into her bedroom.

"Abby's made sure he has enough clothes to last a year and I have a decent amount of wipes and quite a few bottles but strangely enough the only diapers I have came from Palmer." She stretched out on her bed as she watched Tony take a seat at the bottom. It would be better to remember now and get them early on to put away for later than to need them later and realize she didn't have any.

"Alright we'll pick some up." Tony agreed as he watched Ziva roll her ankle for the fourth time, it was obviously bothering her. "Give me your foot."

"I am fine."

Ignoring her lie he pulled her foot into his lap rubbing it carefully as he continued, "I understand that he'll need a pacifier for the first few months but I'd appreciate it if it's not the door knocker ones, they've always annoyed me for some reason."

"I have three packs, a mutual I love mommy and daddy one, a rock n roll and guitar one, and a specialized studded skull one but no door knockers." Ziva sighed as he switched feet.

"That's good," Tony found himself content with the way things were at the moment, he could honestly say it felt like he was talking to a friend again and he didn't have the urge to fix anything because he was absolutely fine with everything as it was right now. "so are you planning to stick him in the crib right away or do we need to look for a bassinet to stick in here?" He didn't get an answer though as he looked up to see she had fallen asleep.

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It might be considered late or really early actually but he had seen her car in the Navy yard and wanted to make sure everything was alright. Using the key she had given him he opened the house to find it completely dark and quiet so he carefully crept down the hall to make sure she had indeed made it home and there was no need to worry. One look in the bedroom affirmed as much but it also added a different kind of worry, one that was foolish as he was nothing to Ziva, they had gotten closer yes but in no way that close and as much as it hurt to admit so it was none of his business why Tony was sharing her bed. "Lets go home Jethro." And with that he left just as quietly as he had come.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"Tim?" Ziva opened the door to a slightly sweaty and out of breath McGee.

"Hey Ziva" He offered if not the slightest bit guarded. He hadn't been over or dropped Jethro off in two days and the why was a clear question in her eyes.

"I was out running with Jethro and he headed right to your backyard, he's back there right now but I figured it best for me to come and Knock.

"Why?" She stepped back to give him entrance. "That would be one of the reasons behind me giving you the key." She continued on through the house as he closed the door and followed.

"I didn't want to intrude or possibly interrupt anything." He stopped in the doorway of her bedroom as she continued on to her closet.

"What could you have interrupted at seven in the morning?" She wondered as she tossed a few sweaters to the side in her search.

"I don't know, I thought maybe you might have company." It was the closest he'd get to admitting he thought Tony might have stayed the night again.

"Company?" She looked over to see him shrug simply, who would he have thought her to invite over this early in the morning? "Well either way you're company now so why don't you go take a shower and I'll make breakfast."

"I don't want to be a bother." McGee caught the clothes she tossed at him recognizing the shirt to be the one she had borrowed months ago.

"How is it a bother? You stink and I'm hungry, now go." Ziva ordered as she pushed him across the hall and into the bathroom. She shook her head as he began to sniff himself and she pulled the door shut, she'd make something lite to match the warm stretch of weather that had fallen upon them.

She had made it halfway through cutting the fruit she planned on adding to some yogurt when the doorbell rang and she had to stop what she was doing to go answer.

"You aren't dressed yet?" Was Tonys first comment as he walked through the door sporting khaki shorts, a blue polo, and a pair of shades. Ziva was standing there barefoot in her pajamas and he was wondering if she remembered they were supposed to go shopping today.

"Since when are you a morning person?" She closed the door, hopefully his over chipper mood had been shut out too.

"Since I didn't want to hear you complain about how I wasted half the day Sunshine." He smiled as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Well I will be ready soon enough, if you don't mind I'd like to feed your son first." Ziva went back to the counter to resume her task.

"Of course not." Tony placed his sun glasses on the table. "I'm just going to borrow your bathroom real quick." He excused as he made the freshly known trip, stopping to glance at a few things she had added, mostly framed photos, since he had been there last.

Opening the bathroom door without much thought behind it he could honestly say the surprise was genuine as he witnessed a shirtless McGee toweling damp hair. "What are you doing here McSteamy?" The better question would have been; why are you in Zivas shower at such an ungodly hour when I needed three cups of coffee just to wake up, looking like you've been awake for hours? But he couldn't bring himself to ask as much.

"Showering" Tim shrugged on his shirt feeling exposed as he watched Tonys inner investigator power up.

"So the shower at your place isn't working?" Tony stretched out his guess, it was the only logical explanation he could come up with.

"Nope, my shower works just fine." He lifted his sneakers as he moved past Tony without bothering with an explanation. He hadn't done anything wrong and his actions didn't merit one though the curiousness that would have Tony squirming in a second probably held another part in him staying silent. "I'm done in there if you need to use it." He offered as he pulled on his sneakers.

"I'm good," Tony ignored the reason he had sought out the bathroom to begin with as he followed McGee. "So if your shower works than there are other motives behind you being in Zivas?"

"I was sweaty, sticky, and it was hot. What else is there to say?" He knew exactly what ideas would pop into Tonys imagination with those words and it served him right for thinking they'd do such a thing behind his back. No matter what his feelings Tony was near a brother to him and he wouldn't even attempt anything with Ziva until everything was clear, set, and finished between them.

"How about," Tony stopped him right before he could enter the kitchen. "why you're even here to begin with?"

"What does that matter to you?" McGee pulled his arm away from the bruising grip Tony had on it. If this was the way he accused every little thing it was no wonder why Ziva was ready to call it quits.

"Are you even..."

"Is everything alright?" Ziva had heard talking distantly which was no surprise since Tony would have surely found McGee by now but the harsh whisper that was way closer had her suspicious and moving to check.

"Fine" McGee assured as he turned from Tony and into the kitchen. He kept himself on a short leash in his actions to insure he didn't fracture his relationship with Tony but it was becoming obvious Tony didn't bother with the same care and consideration when it came to him.

"Dandy" Tonys smile was a little forced as he too went into the kitchen.

She didn't believe it but she'd let it slide. "Do you want some?" She offered instead as she moved back to dishing yogurt into a bowl, placing a spoon in the mixed fruit.

"Actually I already ate and McGee here was just..."

"Going to ask if you were sharing." He smirked as he handed her a second bowl. He could feel Tony near glaring but it wasn't his house and he wouldn't allow himself to be bullied out of it. "So what are your plans for the day?" McGee asked as he sat on a stool by the counter.

"We're," By the way it was said it was obvious Tony meant not him. "going to spend the day together, probably pick up a little extra stuff here and there, maybe do lunch."

"We're going to buy a carseat." Ziva explained as she gave Tony a strange look, why he was trying to put such a spin on it for McGee was beyond her.

"Oh," Tim hummed as he pulled the spoon from his mouth. "Well make sure you get a good brand and an extra base."

"I think we'd've figured as much." Tony commented.

"Well then I guess I'd better get Jethro and leave you two to be on your way." Tim rinsed his dish before placing it in the left side of the double sink. "I'll see you later Ziva." She met him with a hug and a chaste kiss to the cheek. "Bye Tony."

"Yeah" Tony waved off half-heartedly.

"You know most places wont be open for another hour or two." Ziva couldn't place what was off between them but she was certain it had to do with the conversation she had interrupted.

"I know but I figured we could go out a little farther, see if we don't find a few shops Abby didn't already drag you through." He explained as he started fiddling with his sun glasses.

"Then I will go get ready." Discomfort was settling quickly and she used the opportunity to get away.

Twenty minutes later he was waiting by the door as she appeared in a white and purple sun dress that went to her feet, a jean jacket that cut right below the bust, and her hair left down looking as natural and curly as the first time they met.

"You got yourself a date?" Tony teased as he took in the sight before him. She had quite a bit of belly to stand behind but the look did her justice, it was more than clear that Ziva wore pregnancy well and the glow was just a bonus.

"Possibly a little later on." She joked with him as she walked out the door he held open.

"Well I better get you back in time than." It was said with complete seriousness and an edge to his tone. It had her wondering what had caused his mood to shift so quickly, she hadn't experienced one of those swings fully since they quit living together and she hoped with them leaving the city it wouldn't turn him angry.

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"Lead the way." Tony gestured from the stores doorway where he had just retrieved a cart.

"Where do you want to start?" This place was massive and even though she had been on many a shopping trip she was still a little hesitant.

"Well," Tony glanced around though he didn't really see much more than a blur of baby. "How 'bout we go for those diapers and see if anything catches our eye on the way."

"After you" Ziva followed as he walked down the main stretch with a purpose.

He didn't stop until he had reached the back wall that held boxes upon boxes of diapers. He hadn't realised there were so many different kinds and he hoped Ziva knew which ones she wanted because the only real difference he saw was size and price.

"Which ones am I grabbing?" He gestured to a few boxes. "We can show a little love with some Luvs." The laugh he got from a groovy dance pushed him on. "Get a hug from good ol' Winnie the Pooh, maybe even Kanga too!"

Interrupting Tonys start on Noahs Ark Ziva tapped on one of the more popular brands, a yellow and green box.

"Ah, classic Sesame Street. Good choice my dear, good choice indeed."

"If that's supposed to be British I'd hate to hear your Australian accent." She laughed as he pretended to twirl a mustache.

"Do you want these in newborn or a one?" He wasn't sure of sizing or how many they'd go through but surely Ziva'd have an idea.

"One of each." She held the cart as two boxes were placed inside.

"What's next?" Tony quickly returned to his position of navigator.

"Bedding I believe." Though she wasn't sure why he'd asked since he had already taken off in that direction.

"Race cars, sail boats, airplanes, robots, monkeys, teddybears, dinosaurs." Tony ran his fingers down the comforter sets as he continued to search for one he liked. "More Pooh, Peter Rabbit, dogs... Hahaha here we go!" Tony announced to Ziva who had stopped a bit behind to look at the solids. "I found it!" He tossed the package, without letting her get much of a glimpse, into the cart as he continued on.

This was the first shopping trip he had been on for the baby and he seemed pretty excited with the find so as long as the bedding matched their other decor and wasn't completely hideous she'd let him have say on this one.

It was over an hour later with a cart beyond full, most of the items in there were of Tonys doing; some with phrases involving him as a dad others saying all star and such including some camaflouge attire that had been added with Gibbs in mind, when they finally made it toward carseats.

"I've always related to Tom Selleck but I never thought it would be 1987s Three Men and a Baby." Tony was stood at the top of the aisle and it only looked to be growing longer. The choices were overwhelming and he could only imagine how much that feeling would grow once the baby arrived. "So how are we doing this? Are we choosing by color, style, pattern, handle shape, brand, safety rating?"

Slowly walking past their selections Ziva moved out of the aisle. "Lets look for the stroller first, once we agree on one of those we can see if it has a matching carrier." Her hand was coaxing Isiah as her arm lay over her belly rubbing her left side slightly. She wasn't sure if it was because he had just woken, because his room was becoming less and less by everday that passed or a mixture of the two but he was nowhere near as active and energetic as she had come to expect from him.

"A wise choice from a wise woman." Tony willingly went along with her reasoning as he didn't really have a game plan but they'd surely figure it out. "Why are so many of these green?" He stopped at the display models as Ziva passed quite a few that were obviously not to her liking.

"What do you think of this one?" Ziva was talking about a standard four wheeled cream and tan stroller, that had the usual snap tray and adjustable push handle, accented with a little button pattern, inside each another animal you'd find in the zoo.

He shook his head with distaste. "I'm not feelin' the green, there's to much on the shade and back and the material looks plastic-ee." He left the word alone though the way it had been said clearly had him wondering if it was truly one.

"Alright" She hadn't expected so much of an opinion since he seemed to have found a trend of leaving the choosing up to her but it made sense since he was the one that originally wanted a stroller though now she could see his reasoning.

"This one." Tony pulled down a red and black model that had smaller swivel wheels in front and larger heavy duty ones in back. There was a matching carseat already seated on top and he was fiddling with the shade as he tested how the wheels turned.

"No" Ziva was quick to disagree.

"Come on it's sleek and the thing actually moves." He made a display of showing her exactly how as he popped it on its back wheels.

"Next" She ignored his pleading as she watched him lean it on its back wheels, hopefully he didn't plan on doing as such when their child was inside.

"Fine" He grumbled as he pushed it back where it belonged. "What about a jogger? You could get a little exercise done with the little man."

"Are you suggesting I need to exercise?" Her eyebrow raised immediately.

"No, just.. you like to run and after the baby comes I'm sure you'll..." The look on Zivas face quickly shut him up. "Okay no joggers." He quickly moved away from them.

"What is..." Tony tapped on the seat of one of there more peculiar models watching as it bounced. "How does..." He tilted his head as if it would help but he was still lost. "The thing's like a bouncy seat on wheels."

Ziva just shrugged, she hadn't a clue either and that was why she had left it alone. "Why would you bother to get a stroller that only holds the carrier? Isn't the purpose behind having one having a place to sit your child even after it grows out of the carrier?" The metal frame sitting there held no appeal to her and the reasoning of it was lost.

"It's a.." Tony tried explaining. "Actually I really don't know, I guess some people just like it like that."

"How about Blue?" She had found an aqua she'd be fine with pushing about.

"I don't like the chocolate brown." Tony turned down, though with an apology as she seemed to have liked that one more than any other they'd viewed.

"How about a teddy?" The cream ride he was eyeing had a plush bear stitched largely in the center of the seat and the tans and other browns that had been used were complimentary.

"I want this one." He turned to see Ziva at the very end of the displays and the confidence in which she had said those words had him moving to see what she had found.

"A bassinet? Ziva you just said you didn't want something he couldn't sit in once he got older." Though he had to admit the padding he was feeling was inviting.

"Did you even bother to read the description? It changes into a toddler seat Tony. It rotates completely around to face whichever way I desire, the handle has height adjustment, the canopy's interchangeable." She herself read aloud from the selling features that had been posted.

"It's black and the basket's tiny." Tony complained though he could see she had her opinion set. "How do you plan on putting his bag under there let alone any of yours if you go out?"

"Black will go with everything and it's meant to carry the baby not my bags." She wasn't sure how but she had found herself attached to this stroller.

"Are you sure you don't like the bear?" Tony asked as he pulled it down to make what had to be his tenth inspection. He wasn't really set with it yet but he had to admit the more he changed it around the cooler he thought it to be. "This is like a buggy."

"A what?"

"A buggy, you know the 1940s and 50s. The big white bouncy wheels, huge metal handle covered in a plastic gripping." Though this was black and silver and nothing like that description.

"It is not like the others." Ziva admired as Tony flipped the handle around again.

"No it isn't." He didn't know if that was a good or bad thing yet but it was definately different.

"So?"

"So where does the carseat go if there's no tray?" He wasn't sold yet but he had a feeling they wouldn't be leaving the store without this stroller.

"This main part gets removed when you fold it up. When you open it you just leave that part off and snap the carrier on instead." She said hopefully.

"Alright" He relented as he replaced the stroller and she snagged a ticket for purchase. The carrier snapping in place like that sounded just like the frame she had been against but he wouldn't say anything. "Lets go find the matching carrier for this little guy."

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><p><strong>EN: The next part will pick up directly where this leaves off, I hope you enjoyed :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I am so sorry :(**

**Nearly two months is way too long to go between updates but I just couldn't get in the NCIS headspace. Still even though I'm not completely there I'm going to push through and try to give you something and if it's absolute rubbish I apologize in advance.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

"I'm glad we could spend time together like this." Ziva spoke as they walked down the street with their fingers loosely intertwined.

"It was a good day." Tony agreed as he thought over it. They had stopped for lunch after getting out of that first store and over the day it had only gotten better as he joked and she laughed. A few more stores, a loaded car, and an ice cream cone later and here they were walking hand in hand but there was still a bitter tone to it because he knew he wasn't going home with her.

"I had a nice time." In the back of her mind she had been worried but Tony had proved to be the complete gentleman despite the suspicious start they had taken.

"So where's McGeek taking you tonight?" He asked casually, trying to let Ziva know he was open with the idea.

"He isn't taking me anywhere." The confusion was clearly displayed on her face. Why would he think she and McGee were going somewhere?

"Oh come on Ziva I was right there when he said he'd see you later." It sounded accusing and she had the sudden urge to pull her hand away.

"He will see me later, we work together Tony." She was going to give him the benefit of the doubt but a bad feeling was creeping up.

"Ziva if you want to go out with McGee it isn't my business. You already made it perfectly clear that we aren't together and there's no reason for you to lie about seeing McGee." He wasn't happy about it but that morning had made it more than clear his opinion wouldn't matter either way.

"Dating McGee?" She did pull her hand away that time. "Why would you say that?"

"Why are you denying it?" She was sounding hurt and it was making him mad because if anyone had the right to feel that way it was him.

"What are you talking about, there's nothing to deny!"

"He was in your shower Ziva! You kissed him good-bye, he says he'll see you later and then when I joked with you about having a date you say you do later! I know it isn't with me and if he's saying he's gonna see you later... them puzzle pieces go together pretty easily!"

"I can't believe you." She shook her head as she started off, to where she didn't know but for now away from him was good enough.

"You can't believe me? Here I am thinking we're just goin' slow, that we actually have a future coming our way and you're behind my back with my best friend! I was trying to be good about it but here you go yet again and turn it out on me like if I'm the one that's done wrong!" He followed her right down the block ignoring the others staring.

"Leave me alone." She didn't turn around as she quickened her pace.

"Ziva!"

"No Tony!" She stopped abruptly trying to bring a calm back to herself. She did not need to be stressed and it was becoming clear that was all he would be good for right now. "I'm done."

"You're always "done" but I'm sick of it! I'm trying here and you don't give a damn." He blamed himself, he knew what kind of a girl Ziva was before he went after her. He knew she was dead set in her ways and opinions but he also knew she was a challenge and he hadn't been able to resist.

"How can you say you're trying? You say you love me but look how I'm treated! You say you love your son but how many times haven't you denied that he's even yours! You say Tim's your best friend yet you think so little of me that you've been accusing me of sleeping with him for months now! Maybe you're jealous, maybe you're just a jerk but I'm not going to stand around here and allow you to belittle me so you can feel better about yourself! So yes I'm done!" And with that she turned away and started walking again.

"Ziva come back!" Tony yelled as she continued down the street.

"NO!"

"Where are you going? It's over an hours drive home!" If she hadn't made him feel like a jerk all the dirty looks he was receiving sure did the job.

"I don't care," Ziva continued on as she ignored the stinging in her eyes, damn hormones, but a bitter voice crept out and she was shouting darkly. "I'm sure McGee will be more than happy to give me a ride!"

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"Care to explain?" Gibbs spoke to Ziva who was of all things sniffling on the other side of his truck. She had called him about two hours ago asking for a ride and he had gone without question. It had taken him about an hour and a half to get there seeing as he hadn't been home and another fifteen minutes to actually find her.

"I didn't have enough money left for a cab." When she had finally stopped walking she realized that she had left her debit card at home and the twenty she had on her wouldn't be enough for even half the trip leaving her nearly stranded.

"I got that much Ziver." She had been sitting on a parking hub when he showed and her eyes were nothing less than blood shot and puffy. "You wanna tell me why you were out there to begin with?"

"I was shopping." The freeway was slow moving and Ziva knew it would be more than enough time for Gibbs to push all her buttons and get her to talk.

"Hell of a shopping trip if your car just up and disappears in the middle of it."

"I was with Tony." Gibbs made a knowing noise and it disappointed her to see just how openly known their troubles were. "We had a disagreement and I left."

"You two seem to be having a lot of those lately." It wasn't accusing or questioning just stated.

"We keep on making circles, the intentions are good but. . ." She couldn't even begin to express the failure she felt, it was near suffocating.

"They aren't enough." He knew from experience.

"They might be if I was." Isiah hadn't been paying her much mind and she wondered if he was upset with her too. "He just wants a decent family, he deserves that family from his movies but I will never be able to give him that. That isn't me."

"Ziva you are more than enough and don't you let anyone tell you otherwise." Gibbs' words were stern. "Trust me, changing for someone wont work any better than someone trying to change you will." His wives had tried and all it got them was the Ex title.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to because I don't know what he wants."

"He doesn't know what he wants Ziver and honestly you shouldn't care. These moments are something you're going to want to remember and if he's not making the memories pleasant than don't let him be part of them." When Shannon was pregnant he had spent every free second at her feet and he had cherished every second of it.

"I don't want to cut him out." If the thought wasn't already making her feel guilty she knew Tony soon would be.

"And you wont but you've got to set some rules and boundaries if you want a relationship that's more than bickering about what wasn't done and what could have been." This was why rule number seven existed but as of now an I told you so would be useless.

"I have but he doesn't follow them." She sighed as she did her best to stretch her legs, after all that walking she knew her feet would surely swell if they hadn't already.

"Well then," Gibbs stopped for the light turning his head slighty to see Ziva, like any other expectant woman she had an arm protectively wrapped around her belly. "cut him out." Her eyes were questioning so he furthered an explanation. "If he really cares he'll learn."

"And if he doesn't?" It was something she had been avoiding because she was scared if she pushed too far he just might go.  
>Then what would she tell her son?<br>Daddy doesn't visit you because he doesn't like me?  
>Somedays she felt like they were a package deal but Tony only wanted half, which one was something she didn't want to figure out.<p>

"Don't you worry about that." He patted her leg and was met with a soft smile. If need be he'd deal with Tony, he already planned on saying something about him leaving her behind, but there wasn't any reason she should be so stressed during a time that should be so happy. "You just make sure you're taking good care of you and the baby."

"Thank you for coming to get me." She was still feeling bad about her argument with Tony but it was nice to know she had support.

"Didn't come to get you Ziver," A little insult, a shrug, and a sly smirk. "Couldn't just leave my grandson out and about."

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><p><strong>EN: So all of your reviews have been wonderful, very opinionated but wonderful none the less and I thought I'd just restate the story line so you'll know exactly what's going on.**

**McGiva will happen but it is going to be an actual build of a decent relationship and there isn't going to be any one day Tim the next Tony like we're switching socks because that is just not acceptable for me.**

**Tony will have his own respectable life and I will not leave him just a bitter old prude out in the cold. Tiva will have a decent relationship though it wont be romantic and they will not be left at each others throats.**

**I am not going to rip apart the whole team but you really should take my first warning seriously because it is definitely necessary.**

**From now on things will get pretty rocky and the angst will start hitting hard but there is a point, a plan, and a decent ending for all involved.**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHapter Thirteen**

**34 weeks pregnant**

If she had felt big two weeks ago then she felt gigantic now.

She had sworn no matter how pregnant she got she wouldn't be one of those women to waddle but right now she felt like a duck. Moving took more effort than it ever had and if she ever made it down to Abby she knew it would be with sore feet and an aching back.

McGee had offered to come down for her but she had stubbornly refused, right now this was about all she could offer to the team and she was determined despite the annoying stares and creepy awes she was getting. Why people were so fascinated with pregnancy was beyond her but she was glad it only took one colleagues sprained finger to get the word around that her stomach was not to be touched.

"Abby" The lab was surprisingly quiet as she came through its doors.

"Hey Ziva!" She had appeared so suddenly that Ziva actually startled and dropped the evidence bag she had been carrying. "I am so sorry!" Abby immediately stooped to pick it up.

"It's alright." Ziva dismissed as she handed over the clipboard for her to sign. She took a minute to make sure her breathing was even as she waited for a dull ache on her side to pass.

"No it isn't, you could have... well I don't know but it still isn't alright." She rambled as she checked over the bags contents. "Where's McGee? He was supposed to be the one to bring me this." If any of their evidence had been damaged she would have his head.

"I may have forced him to allow me to."Abby was looking ready to chastise but she was quicker on defense. "I've been kind of useless everywhere else and I needed something to do."

"You are not useless Ziva, your job is like one of the most important right now." That was fact to her, if it was up to her Ziva'd be sitting somewhere right now with her feet propped up.

"I'm not doing anything!" All she had heard over the past few weeks was how she was doing such a good job and how she'd make a wonderful mother and it had her annoyed.

"Isiah is not nothing." She pointed to the countdown she had made that proudly displayed her excitement on his soon to be arrival. She already had plans for her nephews first Halloween and Christmas.

"You're right." She sighed as she tried to rid herself of the gloomy mood. "I'll see you later Abby." With that she made her way back to the elevator but instead of returning to the bullpen she decided to visit autopsy. It wasn't like she'd be missed.

"Ahh Ziva!" Ducky greeted as soon as he got a glimpse of who had come through the doors. "How are you today my dear?"

"Uncomfortable." She offered as she pulled a stool out to sit. How she still ended up vomitting violently if she so much as smelled pizza but could sit there without problem while he was in the middle of splitting someones lung was lost on everyone.

"Are you experiencing serious discomfort or is it the normal swelling, bloating, aching, and burning of the cherished third trimester?" Ducky questioned as he placed the newly split organ to the side.

"Normal is not a word I'd use to describe any of those syptoms," She had thought she knew a bit about what to expect but even so experiencing it was completely different. "but I'm alright. Just tired mainly."

"I take it you're ready for the young lads arrival." Ducky spoke absently as he moved to a spotted liver.

"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready." She didn't know how exactly it worked but she was full of fearful excitment that only grew as the days passed.

"That's a common fear for most new mothers." Ducky assured. "You'll see when you hold him for the first time though," He lifted his gaze to hers with a slight smile. "that fear only multiplies."

She found herself laughing at the back handed assurance as she thought about the first time she would get to hold him. She knew she'd be nervous, but not as nervous as she felt at night when she looked over to his crib and realised she'd soon have a little person sleeping in there that was completely depedent on her.

"Can I ask why you settled on Isiah?" Ducky wondered. He hadn't questioned Tony when he had announced the name change but it had been a little surprising after having seen how set they seemed.

"It's a memory of someone I used to know and just it's basic definition holds special meaning." The thought had her wondering if her son would be darker like her and his names sake or if he'd be closer to Tony's complexion. If his hair would be curly, or his eyes light.

"Salvation of God" He hummed, a hebrew name did seem more fitting in his opinion.

"It also translates to the lord helps me," That was something she believed whole heartedly. Her son was a great gift and she had already learned so much more from him than she could ever imagine teaching. "and he has."

" A child is a great blessing." Ducky mused as he glanced toward her again, he'd say she hadn't been sleeping well or at least that's how it looked. "I'm sorry, did you need something?" Suddenly he remembered that the reason she had come was probably specific.

"No," Ziva stood as she figured it best to leave before she became a bother. "I'm just trying to stay out of the way."

"You're welcome to stay." Ducky offered as he suspected his question had left her feeling unwanted. "Mr. Palmer has apparently forgotten the way and the company would be rather welcome."

"Thank you but no thank you." She declined as she began to think of how she could make herself useful.

"Are you alright?" If he wasn't mistaken there was a hint of a wince as she began to turn.

"I'm fine." That didn't stop her from rubbing at the cramp that had appeared on her side though, it was a little left of the last one and a bit sharper too. Ducky was looking at her skeptically so she figured it best to further an explanation, "It's nothing more than a muscle cramp. I fell asleep on the couch last night and it wasn't the best position."

"Perhaps you should consider taking an early maternity leave." Ducky suggested but Ziva didn't look like she liked that idea so he altered it. "Or possibly cutting this day short at least."

"I just might do that." Ziva acknowledged his suggestion as she left with a slight wave. The day just hadn't been hers and as she made it back to the bullpen she decided she would listen to Ducky and go home early. It really wasn't like she was making useful contributions.

It was as suspected empty so she wrote a simple note saying she had gone home. That was placed on Gibbs' desk and without a second thought she was leaving for the day.

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It was near four hours later and she had just finished emptying the dryer.

Tony had called her what only seemed to be seconds after she had gotten through her front door and she had spent quite a while convincing him that nothing was wrong and he didn't need to come over.

An hour after that McGee had called with near identical questions but she didn't feel like going through another explanation so she had simply said she was tired and she'd see him come morning.

It wasn't a lie because she was but instead of going to lie down she had started washing the baby clothes she would soon be needing.

The basket was near empty but it didn't feel it for the difficulty she was having carrying it. A turn into her bedroom and she was placing it on the bed as she moved to the closet to grab the bag she had started packing for her hospital stay.

This was the real reason she had started on the laundry.

She wanted to make sure everything made it in there with plenty of time so she wouldn't forget or be left scrambling.

Even more specifically though the blanket her Aunt Nettie had made for her, it was a little something of home and she wanted to share that with her son. Another thing that needed to go in there was the outfit Ducky had given her, she had choosen it as the one Isiah'd come home in. She had bought little ducky booties that would match perfectly and that thought sent her across the hall and after them.

Reaching up to grab them off the shelf Ziva let out another wince and a possible hiss of breath as an unexpected pain appeared in her lower abdomen. If she was being honest with herself she'd noticed it as the same one that had started in her side, nearly twenty hours previously, and as it moved it only progressed in its pain level.

She had told herself that they were nothing more than false contractions but that was becoming harder to believe as a pressure had started accompanying them.

"Isiah" She whispered as she moved to sit in the rocker. Her hand quickly moving to clutch at her stomach as an undeniable worry settled. She had mentioned to her doctor that he didn't seem to be moving as much lately as she was usually used to but after a few tests and a full exam he assured her it was nothing more than his room beginning to decrease.

Now though she wasn't sure if she believed that. It wasn't anything major and the pain was nowhere near excrutiating but it sure wasn't welcome. "Ahava, you behave yourself." Her fingers started rubbing a coaxing pattern over her belly as she became near paranoid to any movement that might be made.

It was mere seconds later when the new mother instinct kicked in and she was moving to grab a phone. "Tony," She near pleaded as she waited for him to answer. "answer the damn phone." To say she wasn't happy when it went to voicemail was the biggest understatement she could imagine.

A call to MGee got the same results and her nerves were starting to fray as fear tried taking over. Pacing came next as she redialed Tony, not relenting in her quest as she even left a few messages.

She was sure she was over reacting and would later feel foolish for this but right now she didn't care. It was too late to schedule an appointment with her doctor but she knew she wouldn't be alright until she had seen one.

Finally her phone rang and she near dropped it for how quick she was pulling it open. "Why didn't you answer me!"

_"What's_ wrong _Ziva_"

He sounded even more worried than her and that silliness was starting to creep up as she realized her panic had him frightened. " I.." She wasn't sure what to tell him.

_"Are you alright? Oh my God you didn't fall did you? You fell didn't you? God Ziva."_

"Tony I didn't fall. I've just got a bad feeling and..."

_"You're feeling _bad!"

"Tony," She was about to yell at him to let her finish but was distracted by the wetness that had appeared so suddenly. "Tony..." She knew for sure that this was nothing like the accident she had had in Abby's lab. "I think my water just broke."

_"What do you mean just broke?"_

"As in I'm standing in it right now." He couldn't see it but she moved a foot to accent her words.

_"That's not supposed to happen for another month! At least!"_

"Well it just did." She was near shaking as she stared down in shock.

_"I'm on my way."_

She didn't even bother with saying anything else as she hung up the phone. Her doctor was already discussing birthing plans and over the past two weeks he'd been saying it could happen any time now but this just seemed so fast.

"Ehhhh" She avoided the urge to pull her hair as she moved back to the bedroom to change. A sort of calm had settled as she once again could say she knew what was going on and she wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry. "You should have warned me ahava." It looked like whether she was ready or not Isiah was on his way.

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"Where are you going!" McGee near demanded as he watched Tony come near flying from the hallway, tossing a file in the direction of his desk without even stopping and continuing on to the elevator. No way was he being left to sort through three different alias' backrounds all by himself.

"He's coming!" Tony was near jumping as he waited for the elevator. "He's coming!"

"Who's coming?" McGee was confused as he moved toward the elevator.

"The baby! He's coming!" Excitement was colored all over his face and the only thing brighter than his smile were his eyes. "Ziva just called and... he's coming!"

Within seconds the elevator was opening and Gibbs was stepping out with a questioning expression. Tony didn't bother to answer it as he raced inside and near abused the close button until the doors complied leaving McGee the task of explaining.

That didn't mean the job he did was much better as a grin of his own broke out leaving him looking like the cat that caught the canary. "He's coming."


	14. Chapter 14

**Note category change and warning in first chapter**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter fourteen<strong>

Emotions were high as he stood there like so many fathers before him looking through that glass at the newly born.

There were literally millions of words he could use to express himself and that left him wondering absently how two simple ones could sometimes say so much more.

I will.  
>Whether it be an agreement to help out or a way to let others know you're dedicated to self improvement it speaks volumes.<p>

It had been their doctors answer when he asked her to make sure Ziva had the smoothest delivery possible after they had heard a strong healthy heartbeat from the monitor.

I'm fine.  
>Usually a lie to cover up heartbreak and struggles but is mostly spoken with good intentions to disipate worry.<p>

Ziva had used it at least a dozen times throughout the night and into the morning as she did her best to be patient with his nervousness and breath through progressing conntractions.

I'm sorry.  
>Magical words these are. They bring forgiveness, rebuild bridges that long ago burned, and simply save you from sleeping on the couch when you forget to take out the trash.<p>

They do all that and they saved him from a couple broken fingers as he bothered her one too many times and a cup of ice chips was thrown in his direction for the effort.

I do.  
>It represents love and commitment. Promises that you'll forever be there, not to catch them before they fall but to offer a hand when they're ready to get back up.<p>

It was a question he had asked. The laugh he heard was clearly showing exhaustion and some pain she was beginning to feel but he hadn't been turned down which he figured was a plus.

All of those he had heard, they were powerful and possibly life changing phrases. They were probably some of the most important ones to ever be used, to ever be heard but they weren't always welcome because as with everything that holds power destruction follows.

"Where is he!" Abby near yelled at him with excitement from down the hall. She had left the group a bit behind her as she and her many different balloons navigated themselves to a spot next to him. "Which one is he?"

McGee wasn't far behind her and he was soon pushing a floating blue foot out of the way to get a glimpse inside as the other two arrived. The pink blankets were ruled out as he started looking at name tags for the signature big D little i. "Where is he?"

Only two words, that's all they had been, but they destroyed him. "He's dead."

"My God" Came from Ducky while Gibbs set himself like stone and Abby's bottom lip began to quiver. The air hadn't changed, it had vanished as this news was left to be absorbed and eyes were actually opened to see the pain and tear tracks that stained Tony's face.

"Where's Ziva?" McGee barely managed to croak as that horrible news settled like a ton of bricks, but still he tried to hold himself together. Ducky looked shell shocked, Abby had sunk to her knees and was crying in earnest, and Gibbs couldn't quite hide the moisture in his eyes as he tried to be a comfort to her.

"She..." Tony tried his best for words but he couldn't seem to get his brain working, he didn't want it to be working.

"She's not.." It was a sentence McGee couldn't bare to finish as he suddenly found breathing difficult.

"She's not doing well." It had been all smiles and anticipation as he waited to cut the umbilical cord, as they waited to hear that first joyous cry, it was a sound that never came.

Instead they heard panic as more personnel entered the room and eventually left it with her baby as she was left to deliver the placenta. Fear was immediate as a nurse attempted feebly to assure them that premies usually needed a bought of oxygen to get them kick started and that he'd probably need a little time in the NICU but would be alright.

It was a little over an hour later when news arrived that their sons lungs were unresponsive and after 43 minutes with all attempts failed he was pronounced dead. They hadn't even gotten to hold him. "She had to be sedated."

Fresh tears fell as Ziva's screams filled his ears. She had ripped out her IV, had declared them all murderers as she demanded to see her son, she had left the room with complete determination on finding her baby when an orderly tried to stop her. She had taken him down like he was enemy number one but she didn't get to continue her search as more appeared. It had taken six men to hold her down for the injection but even so she continued to kick, claw, and struggle.

If it was possible that sight split his heart even further apart.

"I'm gonna..." McGee didn't bother with any more than a point in a direction he didn't even know as he stumbled off.

Why?

It was the only thing that was coming to mind.

Why them?

After everything they had gone through the team did not need a blow like this.

Why him?  
>He had become so close to this baby that he felt as if he had lost his own.<br>He had held her hair as she puked, had made the weird craving runs, had felt the little punches and kicks that said I'm very much alive, literally put his blood, sweat, and tears into making the perfect place for him to live and all of it was for not. They had had many a conversation about what Isiah would be or who he'd become. He had promised to teach him all about computers and had told Ziva how he was already looking to buy a decent swingset, he had been ready for a baby, they had been ready for a baby and just like that he had been taken away.

Why her?  
>Isiah had become her sun. Whenever he was mentioned things brightened and long ago their worlds had started revolving around him. Now things were dark and with a fist to the wall he dropped down it with a gutteral sob. This was sure to ruin her but even if it didn't he doubted she'd ever allow light back in.<p>

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Ziva?" Tony was careful to enter her room a few hours later. As far as he knew Ducky had taken Abby home and McGee had disappeared long ago but Gibbs was still off and wandering about. He himself had finally found the courage to go see Isiah and though it hurt he knew it had also helped.

"Go away." The words were as dark as the room as he followed the voice to a chair in the corner.

"Why don't we pag-"

"I SAID GO AWAY!" She had her knees as close to her chest as possible and he could see her trying desperatley to hide how horribly she seemed to be shaking.

"Ziva you can't seclude yourself, it isn't healthy." He spoke softly as he leaned against the air vent in front of her.

"I do not care."

"Do you want to see him?" She had missed two opportunities already and he was sure she wouldn't want to take that chance with a third. "He's beautiful Ziva. He looks just like you, but he's got my nose and his ears... his ears are-"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! I don't want to hear it." He watched her cover her head with arms that were trembling as much as her words. "Please... please just leave me alone."

"Ziva" He clearly felt her pain.

"Tony," He turned his attention to Gibbs who had somehow managed to sneak in. "give us a minute."

What a minute would do he didn't know but he wasn't far from losing the calm he had barely managed to grasp and he knew he needed a moment himself. This was something he just hadn't seen coming and as much as he wanted to help Ziva with her grief he'd be useless until he faced his own. "Alright"

There were no words for a time like this, nothing that you said could make what had happened change, no special sentence would suddenly make everything better. This was a blow, it was a low one and nothing could be done about it, it was completely out of everyones hands. "You think they'd let me hold 'em?"

Her shrug was barely existant but he caught it none the less. "I know they'd let you, maybe you could let me." She didn't bother to lift her head as she shook it vehemently. "Come on Ziva, don't you want to hold him?"

"He's gone." The words sounded like they had been cut from her throat. "He's de.. he's dead."

"He's your son, you don't want to abandon your son do you?" He knew guilt was a big factor here and he was going to use hers to help him. He had enough experience living with it that he knew she'd regret not doing this and he would make sure that didn't happen.

"I failed him." She admitted defeat.

"No Ziver, you kept him safe for months, you gave him everything he needed." He was careful to run his hand over damp hair, she had obviously showered.

"Then why isn't he here with me?" She was quick to push his hand away as she stood with discomfort she didn't care about. "Why was he taken away? Why was.. why... my baby... he.. Isiah was innocent Gibbs. He was pure and he paid the price for my wrong doings."

"This isn't a punishment Ziver, you did nothing wrong so don't punish him. It's been a long wait for you to be able to hold him, for him to be held, don't deny him that." Blame, it was even worse than guilt.

"How don't I?" She near whispered in a hoarse voice. "Everyone told me how great a mother I'd be, how good a job I was doing. How do I allow him to lie in my arms when I couldn't even give him a fighting chance?"

"That's what a parent does. You have to put your childs needs before your own and right now he needs you to hold him." It was times like these that he wished love and loss weren't parteners. "He needs this Ziva and you need it too."

"I want my baby." And suddenly any wall or structure she might have been trying to protect herself with fell leaving her womb, heart, and hands feeling emptier than ever.

"We'll get him." It wasn't any kind of assurance but it was all he had to offer as he wrapped her in his arms.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"This is our son Zee." Tony was the one to bring him through the door fifteen minutes later with a watery smile.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed with a warry expression so he decided it best not to push and instead he sat next to her.

"He looks just like his mother." Gibbs was quick to point out as he got his first glimpse, it was more an attempt to get her to look at the baby than to state the obvious.

"You wanna hold him?" This was his first time to do so and the feeling was absolutely indescribable.

"I don't know." She had only glanced over enough to see a white cap and a yellow blanket before she deverted her eyes to the floor.

"I was there when they weighed the little man, he's 5 pounds 12 1/2 ounces." He spoke to Gibbs sounding every bit the proud father despite the somber tone.

"Do you know the height?" Gibbs joined Tony in trying to get some reaction or interaction out of Ziva, it was important.

"18 3/4 inches." He had watched the measurements being taken but had soon looked away as he thought of how the nurse should have been double checking because of kicking legs and how she didn't have to because they never would.

"He would have been tall." Ziva was close to whispering as that connection she had made pulled her back toward her son.

"Six feet at least, he'll be a ball player."

"He would've been." She felt that he needed to be reminded that past tense was required because none of that was happening now.

"Here," Tony chose to ignore her words as he blinked away any tears that might be hiding. "I'm gonna get the camera." He didn't give her a say in the matter as he slid the baby into her arms.

Time froze as she stared down at him.  
>They were right, she felt like she was looking in the mirror and she couldn't be sure if that was a good thing. His skin was soft as she ran a finger down his cheek and tears began falling down hers. She hadn't cried but now how couldn't she when she was trying to coax eyes that would never open. "Shalom ahava" Right now she wanted to apologize but she felt that would insult her precious child.<p>

"He's got Tony's nose." Gibbs shared the thought to break the silence as he sat next to Ziva.

"I know" Tony spoke with clear distaste as he continued on what by now had to be his four dozenth picture.

"Will you?" She didn't want to give him up but she was quickly becoming overwhelmed so she passed Isiah over to Gibbs.

"You are handsome." He didn't bother with trying to hide his feelings as he gave the little boy a good once over. He had actually started getting used to the idea of being a grandpa, of having a little one running around calling him papa when he babysat, it had been an enjoyable thought and he was going to take a minute to mourn it.

"Where did those ears come from Ziva?" They had brought an immediate smile to Tony's face. They sat out just enough that they looked slightly unproportionate and he loved how it left his son looking a little quirky.

"It would have to be your side of the family." She spoke absently as she thumbed over his left ear. The thought left her wondering what else Isiah had inherited from his father and soon she started a search. It was after she had counted ten toes that she realized they were Tony's. "He has your feet."

"He does not." Tony took a break from his photographing to look for himself.

"Those are your feet." There was no way she'd let him deny it.

"Possibly" It was the closest he'd go to admitting it but they both knew it was true.

"Is he a baldy?" Gibbs wondered as he absently rubbed a thumb over tiny nuckles.

"I don't know." He had been taken away so fast that neither of them had gotten a glimpse of him before the cap had been placed on his head.

"Well," Gibbs moved a hand to pull the hat away by the knot on top. What was revealed had the three of them laughing at least some what despite the situation. "this is definitely Tony's kid." The hair was long, dark, and thick and was nearly standing straight up.

"Hey, he's Italian." He tried for lighthearted and mostly succeeded despite a few fresh tears.

"Come here," Gibbs gave the baby back to Ziva as he stood and traded places with Tony. "Lets get you guys a family photo."

"Those are my sisters lips." It wasn't hard to see Tali in Isiah as she tried her best to memorize every detail.

Gibbs was reluctant with his words as he gave the camera back but he said them none the less, "I've got to get going."

Tony nodded his understanding with a mumbled thank you as they watched Gibbs go.

"Are they coming to take him?" She was hesitant in her words as she held him a bit closer than necessary.

"No one is going to take him Ziva." He heard the fear, she had lost him once that day and he doubted she'd be able to handle a second time right now. "He's ours and nothing will change that."

"He's ours to keep." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself as he watched tears fall down her nose. "He's ours."

"Get up here." Tony requested as he fixed the bed for them. It wasn't long before Ziva was curled into his chest with the baby and he was left to remind himself that it no longer would matter if they slept like that. His tears fell silently as he listened to Ziva repeat how the baby was theirs as her tears covered his shirt until eventually she exhausted and fell asleep that way.

His tears didn't stop as he held his family close. "Isiah," His fingers had found there way into that crazy hair and he simply allowed himself to enjoy the silkiness of it. "Daddy loves you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

She had buried her son.

It had only been two days since she'd given birth and she had to watch as her baby was lowered into the ground wearing the outfit meant for his home coming.

There had been tears all around and she hadn't been able to bring herself to stay so that's why a little over an hour later she was sitting there in the dark in that handmade rocker.

His room was set, it was perfect, just waiting to be used and it made her want to scream.

There were diapers that would never need to be changed, bottles that would never see a feeding, clothes that she'd never have to worry about being stained, a bed that she had stood over for weeks just waiting for the day she could lift her child from it.

She had it all,... and now she had nothing.

Nothing but the blanket her Aunt Nettie had given her absorbing the tears as they fell.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**Three days later **

"McGee"

He looked up at the greeting surprised with the voice he heard. "Ziva?"

"Good Morning" She sat down at her desk and all he could bring himself to do was stare.  
>It was not a good morning by far, just like the one before hadn't been, nor the one before that.<br>The only reason he was there was because he had to be and even so it took a good minute to drag himself out of bed each morning. "Is Tony not in yet?"

"Ummm..." It took him a minute to register her question, he was still shocked by her presence. "He's uh.. he's taking time." He wanted to ask why she wasn't. It was no secret that Ziva was a natural beauty but right now... well she looked like hell.

"Oh" For the tiniest of seconds you could see raw hurt in her eyes but just as quickly it was gone and it left Tim with a pain of his own. She was trying to mask things and he didn't have a clue how to help her fix them so she wouldn't need to pretend like she had.

"McGee grab your gear we're goin' to Norfolk!" Gibbs voice took his attention away from Ziva.

"Uh boss."

"WHAT!" Gibbs had stopped in front of his desk with a cup of coffee and a very impatient glare and he simply tilted his head toward Ziva's.

"What is she doing here?" Gibbs' tone changed immediately as he glanced in her direction.

He didn't know what to say other than the obvious so he simply shrugged and soon Gibbs was in front of her desk instead.

"Ziver," His voice was softer than when he spoke to the children they worked with. "what are you doing here?"

"I work here." She said simply as she stood and grabbed her bag. She was thankful that they had caught a case and she wouldn't be left sitting there with her own thoughts.

"Ziva go home." She was looking for a distraction but it wouldn't change anything and he couldn't afford to have that liability in the field.

"Gibbs I need to work." Her voice was close to pleading.

"Come back when your maternity leave's over." He knew she'd be facing a psych eval before that was allowed and he wanted to have her go before Vance started jumping down his throat.

"Maternity leave is for mothers!" Her lip began to quiver but she bit it firmly to hide the vulnerability.

"Ziva you can't stay here." With that he motioned to McGee and began his walk to the elevator.

"Gibbs please..." She was determined to make him understand as she followed them. "I can't... I can't go back there, please don't make me." The whole house was a constant reminder and it was suffocating her.

"Go home David... and that's an order." He wasn't sure who felt worse as those doors closed in her face.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-  
><strong><br>One week later**

"Zee?" It was mid day and Tony was standing at the bottom of Ziva's bed where he believed she was hiding under the blankets. "Ziva get up."

She stuck her head out for all of ten seconds but it was enough for him to see bright red and puffy eyes. "Ziva you can't do this to yourself."

She tossed the covers back with a mumbled,"Leave me alone" before she rolled over.

"Ziva I know it hurts but you can't just hide in here," He sat on the edge of the bed closest to her head as he smoothed back unwashed hair. "it's been days since anyone's heard from you."

"You don't know anything." Her words were harsh as she sat up to get away from his touch, she didn't want the comfort.

"I know that you're not the only one hurting!" She was angry but damn it, so was he. "He was my son too!"

"You sure acted like it."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" He had come over to check on her but he didn't need to be made to feel guiltier than he already did.

"That you don't care! You never wanted him!" Suddenly she pushed him and it took quick reflexes not to fall off the bed. "You're probably happy he's gone!"

She continued to push him until he had no choice but to stand and she went with him. "Don't say that."

"I should have aborted the bastard like you wanted right? It would have saved us the trouble..." Tears sat shallowly in her eyes but he had no problem in letting his fall. "So long, good riddance!"

"Ziva stop!" First damn idiom she got right in ever and it was cutting through his heart like a knife.

"We should celebrate..., you got just what you wanted!" She pushed him again and this time he nearly fell.

"ZIVA STOP" He pulled her closer but she yanked away.

"He was your son Tony...," Her voice cracked and with it the flood gates. "and you didn't want him."

"Don't say that." Once again he pulled her to his chest but this time he didn't let her go even as she smacked and struggled against him. "Don't" She continued to mumble insults but he didn't bother listening to the rest as he propped his chin on her head and held her close. "Don't you dare say that."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Ziva I brought dinner!" McGee called as he walked through the front door of her home.

It had been three weeks since Isiah's birth and though Tony had decided to persue counseling she had closed herself off to the topic of him at all.

"Ziva?" The house was near sparkling and it became quite obvious what she had been doing with her free time.

She wasn't in the kitchen but that's where he left the food as he moved to check the back yard.  
>He hadn't had the heart to drop Jethro off since what happened so he hadn't really been stopping by which he felt bad for.<p>

The yard was just as empty as the kitchen and livingroom so he moved down the hall to peer in her room which was just as much so.

"Ziva?" The bathroom door was open so there wasn't really much of a need to search it and it suddenely dawned on him exactly where she was.

That rooms walls were covered in animals that you would find in the zoo but he could only imagine right now going in there would feel like being imprisoned in one of the cages they were kept.

"Ziva!" She wasn't coming out though so he had no choice but to go in.

The first thing he noticed when he got to the door was the missing plaque and it brought back the memories of how many times he had hit his fingers with the hammer while putting this room together. "Ziva?" He pushed the door open hoping he had been right about her being in there.

"What are you doing?" There were three trash bags tied in the middle of the room and she was quickly throwing clothes from the closet into a fourth. "Ziva!" It only seemed like she sped up so he moved to stop her.

"What good is it to me now?" Her words were cold as she pulled away and moved to the dresser.

"Ziva you can't just throw all of this away!" It wasn't only breaking his heart but he knew she'd regret it later.

"It's mine and I don't want it!" A stuffed zebra was thrown across the room in her anger. "I don't want to be reminded how he's never going to use it! All day and all night it's just sitting here taunting... teasing and I can't stand it anymore!"

"Come on" He tried to coax her with him but she pulled away with so much force that it sent her into the dresser and a light blue piggy bank to its end.

"Ziva" He offered a hand to help her steady herself but she just dropped to her knees and soon he followed.

"I can't do this." He heard the tears more than saw them as she began to gather pieces of the bank. "I can't stay in this house waiting for a cry that's never going to come."

"Ziva don't cry." He knew it was pathetic but what was he supposed to say.

"I sit here in the quiet for hours just trying to figure out what I did wrong." He didn't care about the unlady likeness as she wiped snot away. "Maybe if I would have gone to the doctor earlier or if I would have delivered him faster?"

"Ziva it had nothing to do with you."

"Then why do I sit in an empty room... hoping that the next time I get up and look into that crib he'll be sleeping inside."

"Lets go pack a bag." This time when he pulled at her arm she stood. "You can stay with me for a while." As he pulled the door closed behind them he vowed that he'd help her through this so that the next time she walked through that door it wouldn't be to torture herself.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The day had been a horrible one.

Ziva had yet to return to work and he was glad for that because he didn't think he would have been able to deal with her and the significance of this day all at once.

He had had an appointment with his counseler today but he'd blown it off, he didn't care about the stages of grief or that he was supposedly well into the fifth one right now.

Today had been Ziva's due date, the day his son should have been born and he was doing his best to erase that knowledge at a near by bar.

"Hey" He didn't see why he was still having to wave the bartender down, after over an hour of sitting there it should be obvious what he wanted. "And leave the damn bottle this time!"

Life was hell.

For every day that passed with him feeling a little bit better it seemed like he was blamed for Zivas getting worse.  
>He was doing the whole grieving thing, trying to cope but it seemed like she hadn't even started.<br>Like they were running a race but she refused to pass the starting line.  
>And honestly... he didn't blame her.<br>She sure as hell blamed him but he didn't blame her for that either.

He had spent alot of time thinking about what had been said and done between them and it was easy to find quite a bit of fault.

Ziva never communicated and it left him assuming most of the time.  
>Then when those assumptions proved false she'd get angry and he'd yell.<br>He knew he had yelled alot, hell they were still yelling.

He had wanted tests done to figure out what had gone wrong, she had wanted Isiah to be left in peace and even after their sons death... right there in the hospital they were arguing.

The bickering used to be fun, he had even seen it as endearing, but that had been long long ago.  
>Now it was just hurtful.<br>Jabs thrown back and forth trying to see whos words would cause more damage.

He knew when that had started they should have stopped and that knowledge left him feeling like crap because it had been months before Ziva had gotten pregnant.

He didn't regret his son, but admitting that he'd go back and change things if he could left him feeling disgusted with himself.

"I think you've had enough buddy." Just his luck that he'd get a bartender that actually cared.

"I think you should mind your own business." He was just about to take a drink from his self poured glass when it was pulled from his lips.

"Go home." He huffed as the man left with his glass, like that would really make a difference, he'd just find another bar.

"Here" A smiling blonde slid her drink down the counter as she switched stools to sit closer to him. "You look like you could use it more."

"Thanks..."

"Charlotte" She offered as if he really cared but like someone who was thankful to have just been given more booze he spoke with gratitude. "Thank you Charlotte."

She watched as he tossed the glass back and the amber liquid disappeared. "Trying not to remember?"

"I'd rather not talk about it." The drink was gone and that's how he planned to be.

"Well then,"He recognized the glint in her eye as she leaned in closer twirling her hair. "I can help you forget."

With unsteady legs he stood from his stool and offered a hand.  
>That was the best offer he had heard in weeks.<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Ziva had been at his place a little over seven weeks now and he was sorry to say not much had improved.

Sure they had talked a few times but she spent most of her time on the couch, like she was now, or down in the gym.  
>She'd spend hours on that punching bag just trying to take the edge off of her pain and frustration and there had been many a night he'd gone down there to find her a sniffling heap on the floor. "Ziva?"<p>

"Hmm?" Now that he had her attention he was nervous about saying what was on his mind. "You know that I love you right?" Her expression was a mix of confused and quizzical and though he really did need to deal with that particular problem now wasn't the time. "You're like family, well you are family and that's why I can't do this anymore."

"I do not know what you are talking about Tim." Her words were spoken in a voice that didn't seem to be her own as she stared at him with nothing other than utter exhaustion.

'You're here because I care about you but in the same way I care about you so you can't stay here." It hurt him to say so but he hoped she'd give him the chance to explain.

"You're kicking me out?" She laughed at it, she didn't have the energy to do much else.

"You hide in here Ziva.  
>You don't eat, you barely sleep, you ignore everyone, and you've yet to go back to the doctor.<br>I want to help you but you wont let me.  
>You're trying desperately to self destruct and you can't do that here.<br>I can't stand watching it anymore."

The words didn't seem to faze her but the emotions were starting to choke him. "You're trying to hurt yourself but it's everyone else that's hurting.

I can't tell you how many times I've looked up to catch Gibbs staring at your desk.

You haven't answered a single call from Abby and I know she's starting to take it personally.

Tony thinks everyone blames him so he blames himself.  
>He tries so hard to make everyone laugh, he laughs with them and by the end of it he's laughing so hard that he's ready to cry.<p>

Ducky doesn't have a tale of a time ago... Jimmy lost that voice he took so long to find.

It's hurting them..." Tim's words were taking on a liquid hue as he spoke with a plea. "but it's killing me."

"What do you think it did to me!" Her words were angry as she tossed blankets out of her way and stood from the couch. " The pity, the stares, no matter where I go I'm asked where's the baby! Where's the baby Tim!" He was used to the tears now but they were still a shame to see. "I don't want to explain! I don't need the constant reminder that he's missing! I don't need you telling me how much everyone else is hurting because it's nothing compared to what I feel!"

"That's not true.  
>You lost him... but you only lost him.<br>Isiah's gone and I lost him too but now I'm losing you!" A tear of his own fell but he roughly wiped it away.

"He's two months next week." Her words were fond and it peeved him that she didn't seem to be listening. "He'd be laughing, smiling, trying to roll over. I should be looking at daycares." In a huff she ended up back on the couch with her head in her hands.

"Ziva you can't keep on going by what should have been." If the world worked like that he'd say he should have tried his luck long before she and Tony ever started up.

"How am I supposed to just go back to work and not think about it?  
>How am I not supposed to think about him when everything I look at reminds me of something he'll never get the chance to do?"<p>

"You're not." He knew those thoughts wouldn't go away because he had them constantly.

"Whether he's with us or not you're a mom now Ziva and that will never change.

You'll see a book bag or go past a school and the first thing you're going to think of is his first day.  
>If he would have liked it or not? If he made any friends?<br>You're going to see the image of him running to you with some art project that he made just for mommy.

You'll go to the dentist and it'll have you wondering if you would have told him about the tooth fairy.  
>How many hours of sleep you would have lost because he was teething?<p>

It's endless Ziva... and some days will be hell but think about what the alternative is." He grabbed her hand and with it her attention. "Think about not thinking about him.  
>If you went past the park and didn't think about one day getting to push Isiah on that swing.<p>

If you're thinking about him then at least you know he's still here," Tim placed a hand over his own heart for emphasis. "because that's all we've got left.  
>If the thoughts go than so does he and we lose him for good." Her eyes finally seemed to hold some understanding and he went on to cement his point. "If you keep up like this you'll lose him for good Ziva."<p>

"Tony gave me the names of a few support groups." She was tired and the choice was simple. She could take the easy way out and continue with the self abuse until it killed her or she could start the tedious journey of starting her life anew.

"I think that's a good idea." The somber tone that had settled in his house weeks ago was still as present as ever but for the first time in too long there was the hope that light might once again shine through the all too gloomy rooms.

"Do you think it will get easier?" She sounded hopeful which was a good sign in itself.

"Well Ziva look at it this way.." She stretched out on the couch much to his disappointment but he had to admit that progress was progress no matter how slow. "at least it can't get worse."

She settled more with her now retrieved blanket and he moved to the kitchen to fix a dinner she'd hopefully eat.

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"Are you sure about doing this now?" Tony questioned Ziva as they entered the house. The whole group was together again but it wasn't for pleasant circumstances like he wished.

"No but it's something I need to do." Ziva offered as she moved to the kitchen. "Abby," They were all at various points in the house waiting for tasks, Abby at the kitchens table. "The third cabinet is full of bottles."

"Donation?" Abby asked as she grabbed the box marked as such.

"All except the one you had designed, I want to keep that one." She had been ready to throw it all away but now it was seeming near impossible to give it away. "Then there's formula in the next one and a sterilizer in the bottom drawer."

"What do you want me to do?" Tony was going to do his best to make this day as stress free as possible, for everyone.

"You can pack all the diapers, everything in the bathroom, the bouncer, and I think we'll get rid of the walker too." He left to start that task and she had to blow out a breath as she reminded herself that they were only objects and it was time to move forward.

Her first meeting had been five weeks ago and though things had been uncomfortable at first she now had many women she could count on to understand and support her.  
>Most days were still extremely difficult but she had managed to requalify for field duty and started back first thing Monday.<br>McGee had made it clear that his door was open as long as she needed it to be but it was time to stop running.  
>This was the last step to take back control of her life and she was more than ready to do it.<p>

"Hey Ziva!" She turned her head toward McGee's voice. She recognized the trash bag he was carrying as one of those that she had been desperate to fill. "I figured it'd be best if you had a little room to sort through this."

"Do you want to go through it with me?" She had given the others directions but so far she had yet to actually go through any of Isiah's things and the thought was a little unnerving.

"Of course." He could see that it wasn't as much she wanted his help as it was not wanting to be alone while performing the task and that was alright by him, he could do that much for her. "Lets sit on the couch."

"I want to give the clothes to Abby's nuns for the church." She offered as McGee marked the box. It would be easier to tell them where to take everything and let them do it but going through it would make it real and she needed that.

"I didn't realize he had so many clothes." Her pace was quick as she tossed sleepers and socks; onesies and hats all in the box.

"With the way Abby was shopping we have... had enough for the first two years." Things stopped completely as she lifted a camouflage shirt that said, 'Grandpa's Military man' and another that said, 'Semper Fidelis'.

"It's okay to keep some things Ziva." He knew she was torn between emotion and logic right now and he wanted her to know it wasn't illogical to want to hold on to things.

"They deserve to be used." But she couldn't bring herself to place them in the box.

"You deserve to have memories." He reminded as he took the clothes from her and placed them out on the table. "They were obviously bought with Gibbs in mind and I think he'd be honored to know you wanted Isiah to gain some similar characteristics."

"Can you imagine Gibbs babysitting?" She asked as she pulled her feet up onto the couch and turned to him. "Even as pregnant as I was I never could."

"I can see it, he'd be like a mother bear... God knows he's already got the growling down." He continued pulling things from the bag to show to her and promptly tossed them in the box as she shook her head no.

"I want that one." He didn't question it as he placed the other outfit Ducky had given her on the table.

The bag was folded after he dumped the very bottom of its contents out before them. It was all tossed with the rest except for a silky blue blanket. "Do you remember how much trouble they gave you when we got this?"

"I can't believe they spelled his name wrong twice." It had angered him at the time but now he could laugh at it as he ran his fingers over navy lettering.

"You should put that box in the truck." Ziva advised as she lifted the items from the table and the newly found blanket.

"Alright" Her tone had changed suddenly but he started to do as he was told as she walked away.

It wasn't until she turned into her room and shut the door that she let out the tears that had been on the verge of appearing.  
>It seemed like her emotions were higher now than they had been with the hormones but she couldn't help but think about the should'ves, would'ves, and could'ves.<br>McGee had gotten the blanket done custom and immediately she was left thinking how it had been for not.

"Ziva?" A knock on the door had her wiping away the tears as she quickly opened a drawer and stuffed the items in it.

"Just a minute." She took a few deep breaths to calm herself before she opened the door to a waiting Jimmy. "Yes?"

"Gibbs just finished taking the crib down and he wants to know what your plans are for it." He spoke awkwardly and mostly to his shoes but it was reasonable given the circumstances.

She didn't answer him choosing instead to go to the room herself. Gibbs was standing there expectantly and she promptly told him, "It's going to the church."

"Aren't you going to keep anything my dear." Ducky asked as he passed the mattress off to Palmer and he proceeded to take it out of the room. They had already loaded a dresser, packed and loaded the swing, the crib was going, a lamp and area rug had been dropped off in an earlier trip along with a high chair and cradle and now they were moving to disassemble the changing table.

"There's no longer a need or purpose for them so why hold onto it. There are other children that will get plenty of use out of these things." Her answer was understandable, from a detached perspective, but he accepted it.

"You're keeping Beth right?" Abby asked hopefully as she entered the room.

"I couldn't make her go even if I wanted." Ziva smiled as she pointed to the hippo that was happily perched on Netty's blanket in Gibbs' rocker.

"Good." Abby beamed as she pulled her into an overwhelming hug. "She'll be ready and waiting for the next one."

"Excuse me?" Ziva felt as if she had been burned as she quickly pulled away.

"Well if you want I can get the next baby one of his own but I figured you'd let him have Beth." She could understand Ziva wanting to keep Isiah's things as his own but she hadn't thought it was that big of a deal.

"There wont be a next." She was a bit stunned by the thought.

"Next what?" Tony asked as he and McGee entered the now nearly empty room.

"Child." Ziva answered and it gained her six sets of questioning eyes. "I will not have any more children."

Abby watched as Ziva quickly left the room and McGee followed her. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright Abs." She looked about ready to cry as Tony pulled her into a hug. "You did nothing wrong."

"Oh dear." Ducky sighed as he shared a worried look with Gibbs.

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"That's why everyone has been suggesting I put things in storage!" Ziva yelled at him as he exited the house.

"Ziva their just trying to lay out all the options for you." He hadn't mentioned future children because he knew the result would be this exactly.

"It isn't an option! How could they think that I'd just replace my son!" The thought hurt her and the tears showed it. "That I'd get a new one just as easily as a spare!"

"Ziva no one wants you to replace Isiah." She had started a frustrated pace around the yard and Jethro had started following at her heels.

"They wanted a baby! They gave me all of these things for a baby and now that I don't have one they want me to have another so their things will see use!"

"Ziva that's not true and you know it." He supported her feelings and let her express them as they came but he wouldn't stand for those kinds of accusations.

"Why don't they think Isiah was good enough?" She had thought she had done good but apparently he didn't meet their expectations.

"You listen to me..." Tim didn't like the doubt he was hearing as she kicked at the ground so he pulled her chin up so his eyes could meet hers. "Isiah was perfect. He was perfect and it doesn't matter if you have thirty more because he was our first and none of them could ever replace that."

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Sorry for the wait but it's that time of year again (back to school) and I was really busy getting things ready.  
>School starts Monday and seeing as this is my first year in college in might take me a minute to find a proper balance so in fair warning updates might be slow for a while.<br>Hopefully not but this is me letting you know.  
>Thanks for reading!<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

"Do you believe in heaven?" Tony asked his counselor casually. She was always questioning him and he figured it time to turn the table.

"Do you believe in heaven?" She asked with her ever present pen at the ready.

He laughed at that. It was just like a shrink to flip a question. "Of course, I have to."

"And why is that?" What she had learned about him was that he tended to inadvertently mention what would turn into their topic of the day.

"I'm Italian." That wasn't a valid reason and her look told him to come up with a better one. "Because..." He wasn't sure why he still came. He didn't like being prodded but still something drove him to continue with the therapy. "there just has to be."

"Why?" He stretched out in the chair before her and she easily recognized it as a stall tactic.

"Because." He shrugged off her curiosity.

"Have you always believed in heaven?" She'd try a different approach.

"When I was a kid... I used to..." God had been a good place to turn when his father seemed to forget he existed. "but then I got older and the more I saw the harder it became to keep the faith."

"So why do you now?" She counseled many law enforcement officers that had trouble with keeping their faith, if they had any after the things they witnessed, and she knew her opinion held no value. Her job wasn't to tell them what to believe it was to help them sort through those beliefs.

"For my son." Tony breathed out.  
>His thoughts and opinions had changed so much in the past months that it surprised even himself. "You see there has to be a heaven because if there isn't..." He leaned forward as he let the thought mull through his mind. "Then where is he?"<p>

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"Is that the best you've got?" Ziva let out a breathy laugh as she continued her run down the widening path.

"Well not all of us have the extensive training you do." McGee huffed out a breath as he did his best to keep up with Ziva. Even Jethro was having trouble with the pace she set.

"Come on Tim, we haven't even gotten through half of my usual route." She laughed at the way his mouth dropped open.

"You're kidding!" He'd swear they had been running hours, it sure seemed like it for how close he was to wheezing.

"I thought you said you could keep up." She let herself fall back the slightest out of pure politeness.

"That was before I knew you were planning to run to Connecticut!" She was still laughing at him and he couldn't imagine where she was getting the breath from.

"Do you want to take a break?" It wasn't really a question though as she stopped a few yards down the path with him near falling next to her.

"You're..." He propped himself on his knees as he tried to find a decent breathing pattern. "You're trying to kill me!"

"It isn't that bad." Ziva denied as she scratched Jethro between the ears.

"Not if you've been doing it every day for months." Sure he ran, he had to, but not like this.

"You'll get used to it." Ziva assured as she took a drink from her water bottle before offering Jethro some.

"I doubt that." Tim huffed as he watched Jethro make an absolute mess. He'd have to remember to bring a portable bowl.

"By next time it'll feel like you've been doing this for years." Ziva turned around figuring it best to take it easy on him and call it a day.

"Next time?" His voice was a mix of surprise and disbelief as he fell in step with her, Jethro following.

"Yeah, unless I've scared you away." He ran every morning and she had just started doing the same again so why not go together.

"You wish. You'll be cha-" His words cut as his eyes fell to where Ziva's had seconds before. A young woman was running their way, with a double jogging stroller. "Ziva?"

Her attention stayed on the little girls in front of her for just a little longer before she was turning to him with a slight smile. "I'll race you to the house."

Before he knew it she was off and it took him a second to realize he should be trying to catch up. "Come on boy!"

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"What do you want for lunch?" Tony asked Ziva as he sat on the corner of her desk.

"I'm not sure yet but McGee's buying." She offered as she put her pen down and scooted back in her chair.

"Oh really?" Tony moved turned his attention to Tim at that. "What's the occasion?"

"I won a race." Ziva spoke proudly.

"Hey!" Ziva was sounding amused but worse yet Tony was looking smug. "In my defense she is really fast."

"Ducky's fast in your eyes probie." Tony joked though he was pretty sure he was the only one that found it amusing.

"Keep that up and I'm not getting you anything." Tim warned as he stood from his desk.

"I guess he told you." Abby threw in as she snuck into the room and with it the conversation. "Now what's he getting?"

"Lunch if someone tells me sometime soon what they want." McGee offered as he moved closer to the others to wait for an answer.

"Barbeque." Tony spoke quickly though he soon felt awkward with the looks he was receiving. "What?"

"I would have bet anything you'd say pizza." McGee explained as he moved closer to the group.

"With extra pepperoni." Abby added.

"Well I want chicken." Ziva offered what she figured was now a valid opinion.

"Barbeque chicken." Tony suggested though it was more like a "hint hint".

"I'll get you your barbeque Tony." Anything to shush him. "Abby do you want something?"

"No I brought my own lunch." She declined. "Actually I just came up here to talk to Gibbs." Unsurprisingly he wasn't at his desk. "Does anyone know where he is?"

"With Vance." Ziva told her. "If it can wait he should be done any minute."

"Cool" Abby was quick in going to steal his chair.

"Well I'll be back." McGee waved off as he moved over to the elevator.

As it opened he was about to step in but was instead pulled to the side by a blonde asking, "Can you help me?"

"Sure" He didn't know what else he was supposed to say, it'd be rude to blow her off. "What do you need?"

"I'm looking for Ton-" She cut herself off, he probably wouldn't know him as such. "Anthony DiNozzo."

"He's just over..." McGee planned on pointing in Tony's direction but found he couldn't see him when he turned around. "You know what... I'll take you to him."

"Thanks" She smiled politely as she followed him.

"Hey Ziva! Where'd Tony go?"

"He's.."

"Behind you probie." Tony interrupted. "What do you want?"

"Not me." McGee denied as he tossed his head in their guests direction.

He had planned for words to come out of his mouth but they all disappeared when he saw her face. It was a face he probably should have forgotten but guilt wouldn't allow him to do so. "Charlotte, what are you doing here?"

"You're a hard man to find." She had been at it for too long.

"Not if I want to be found." He spoke firmly as he took her by the arm and led her to the window. "Now what do you want?"

"Well aren't you just the gentlemen." She spoke sarcastically as she pulled her arm from him.

"You're right I'm sorry..." He didn't need to look over to know all eyes were on him. "I'm just super busy right now."

"Well can I at least get a minute of your time." She crossed her arms impatiently with a tapping foot.

"Actually I don't think I have that minute to spare but..."He paused to grab himself a business card. "if you call me tonight we'll set something up alright." He didn't really give her the time to answer as he steered her toward the exit.

"Tony I-"

"Call me." He drowned out whatever she was about to say as he pushed the elevator button for her before walking away.

"Who was that?" He was supposed to be on a food run but with a random girl showing the last thing on anyones mind was eating.

"A girl I know McNosey." Tony shrugged off the curiousness.

"Does that gir-"

"Tony!" Said girl cut McGee off as she came back their way.

"Not now Charlotte." He went to move away again but this time she wouldn't go.

"It can't wait Tony!" She had nearly stepped on that elevator but deep down she knew he wouldn't stay true to his word. He'd simply blow her off.

"Really! Not eight measly hours." He whispered harshly.

"Tony let the woman speak." Ziva figured he was only acting that way because of her and she didn't see why. They weren't together anymore and if he was seeing another women than that was on him but he shouldn't treat her like the other woman.

"Ziva" He didn't even know what to say to her but she sure didn't need to be encouraging Charlotte.

"Ziva's right." Abby nodded her agreement as she wheeled herself backward a bit in Gibbs' chair. "All she wants to do is say something, what could it possibly hurt?"

"Alright" Tony relented as he sat on the front of his desk crossing his arms. "What do you want to say?"

Suddenly all eyes were on her and she felt like she was under a spot light. "It's kind of private."

"Really!" Was his first thought which he verbalized but the second he kept to himself. He was already praying she hadn't come to say she had some kind of disease.

"You know what... I will.. I'll call you later." The guy she remembered from that night wasn't the jerk he was turning out to be.

"Charlotte wait!" She didn't get but a foot before he stopped her. "They're right.. say what you got to say."

"No" He wanted her to leave and that was what she'd do.

"Come on, tell me." Now that she wanted to leave he was interested.

"No" She didn't need an audience and obviously they had one here.

"Tell me." Her presence didn't seem to be causing any trouble and they were legitimately on lunch so there wasn't any harm to be done.

"NO!"

Gibbs walked around the corner just in time to hear Tony say, "Oh come on! You can't just come here and tell me you've got something to say and then leave without saying it when I finally decide to listen." He didn't know who the girl was but he quickly noticed something the others hadn't which was why he wasn't at all surprised when she let out an angry, "I'm pregnant!"

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><p><strong>EN: I'm sorry this took so long but things have been hectic and I can guarantee updates will be the same since I've got a new job to adjust to.**

**But I do promise that I wont abandon this and I'll try to get something to you quicker than it took this last time.**

**Thanks for reading and I appreciate all the favs and feed back!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter** **Eighteen**

_"I'm Pregnant!"_

Those words rang heavily in his ears and he couldn't find it in himself to do much more than repeat them. "You're pregnant?"

"I'm not looking for anything from you... honestly I don't want anything... I just thought you should know." Charlotte spoke cautiously. She had five sets of eyes on her and they were all a mix of anger, shock, and dare she say revoltion.

"No... no... no..." Tony shook his head fiercely at that. "You... you're lying!" There was no other way to explain it.

It felt like a slap in the face and she wasn't going to just stand there and wait for the insults to come. "Believe what you want."

"Wait!" She was stopped by a woman who looked more grief stricken than anything. "How far along are you?"

Turning to look straight at Tony Charlotte answered, "A few days short of eighteen weeks." before turning and leaving.

"Eighteen weeks." Was all Ziva let out before she too turned to leave.

"Ziva wait!" It was no use though because she was gone.

"With me now." Gibbs didn't give Tony an option as he got them moving to the elevator.

"He... I... they..."

McGee's words didn't have to make sense for Abby to understand them. "Exactly."

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"You wanna explain." Gibbs was all business as he leaned against the elevator wall.

"There's nothing to say." Other than his world had just been completely turned upside down.

"Well I'd be speechless too if a woman came accusing me of fathering her child DiNozzo!" No way was he gonna accept that half thought answer.

"That's a lie!" His fist met the wall as anger boiled over. "That is not my baby!"

"Alright then.  
>If you're that positive we've got no problems.<br>You send her on her way and be done." He wanted Tony's confirmation that his confidence was true.

Gibbs' words washed through his mind leaving a guilt behind. "It was just the one night and... and I don't even know her!"

A hand met the back of his head followed by an angry, "That's great DiNozzo."

"She's gotta be lying... this can't be happening to me." Denial was good to hold onto because if her word was true he was screwed.

"It can and it is." Gibbs near growled as he flipped the switch to start the elevator back up. Too much emotion was surfacing for him to stay in such a confined space.

"Gibbs what do I do?" Tony spoke in a mix of fear and desperation.

"You figure it out and you figure it out fast." He didn't know if anger or disappointment was sitting higher on the ladder for the moment. "For everyones sake."

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"Ziva?" McGee called out as he pushed open the door to the women's room. "Ziva you in here?" There was no answer but he entered none the less. "Lets put it another way. I know you're in here!"

Not a second later she was walking out of a stall and to the sink looking a tad too pale. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She offered as she turned on the faucet.

The hint of that empty look in her eyes had him angry.  
>It seemed like only yesterday that he had gotten it to disappear. "Ziva he's not-"<p>

"I do not wish to talk about it." She couldn't even name her feelings let alone put them to words.

"Alright.. but if later you do just remember I'm here." It was obvious that for the moment she wanted nothing more than space so he patted her on the shoulder and left granting it.

She waited until the door closed to let a sorrow filled tear fall.

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"Where's Gibbs?" McGee barely asked Tony as he entered the bullpen.

"Abby's lab." Tony could feel the cold shoulder that was already coming his way. "Have you seen Ziva?" It was a question he'd asked repeatedly already but it had yet to get him any useful answers.

"Don't you think she's had enough for one day?" Usually he was good at holding his tongue but as of right now he didn't care.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Tony stood at the edge he heard coming from McGee.

"That even if I knew where she was I wouldn't tell you!" He stepped further into Tony's space knowing that a long awaited confrontation was finally surfacing.

"Do you have something you want to say TIMMY?" He was not in the mood for this.

"Yeah I do TONY!  
>I'm tired of you hurting her!" Straight out he said it.<p>

"It's none of your business." Tony spoke harshly.  
>His day was going horribly enough without others unnecessarily sticking their nose in it.<p>

"None of my business." Tim huffed out. "It was made my business a long time ago. Around the same time you started being an absolute idiot!"

"I'm the idiot? That's nice coming from the guy who's been drooling over my girl since the day he met her!" Tim was stupid if he didn't think he could see that.

"Ex girl, because if I remember correctly you couldn't keep her." Maybe it was a low blow but he deserved it.

"You shut your mouth about what you don't know." Tony near growled as he thrust Tim angrily in the chest.

"I don't know?" That had Tim letting out a slightly sardonic laugh as he backed up a bit. "I know that you had something good and managed to ruin it. That instead of lifting her up you crushed her every chance you got. That you gave her nothing but heartache and she came to me with it."

"You think it was so simple but you don't know a thing. You're looking from the outside." He was tired of the constant judgment.

"I'm looking from her side.  
>The side you were never on." Anger was clear in Tony's eyes but it didn't match what was flowing through his own.<p>

"And you were?  
>You don't care about her!<br>The only thing you cared and still care about is trying to get in that-"

"Don't you dare say it." McGee all but threatened. "I care about her in a way you never will, would, or could because if you did you wouldn't have hurt her half as much as you did. I wouldn't have had to open my door to her pregnant and crying because you're an insensitive jerk and you wouldn't be in this situation now."

"Where is she?" Tony bit his lip in barely controled frustration. If he didn't leave soon he was going to do or say something he'd surely regret later.

"Trying to rebuild from your latest blow." At that Tony pushed past but he didn't let it faze him.  
>He could tell that this had just been the tip to their mountain of unresolved issues.<p>

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She wanted space, air, time even, but none of that could be found there.

The best she had found was the isolation of the fourth floors stairway which gave her enough room to let the heart breaking ache show.

The last few months had made her stronger than she'd ever imagined she would have to be but she didn't know if she was strong enough for this.

Their baby was gone yet Tony was soon to have another.

He'd move on with this new life, this new child, and she'd be left to bare all the weight they still struggled to carry.

"Ziva!" Nearing foot steps had her wiping a hand across her face as she stood to leave. "Ziva!" Knowing he had seen her was the only thing that stopped her from walking out the exit. "Ziva I've been looking all over for you."

"You found me." She hadn't imagined it would be so hard to look at him.

"Zee I'm sorry." He could see the pure pain in her eyes and it caused some of his own.

"Don't be." She'd never been good with apologies and she didn't think she could handle one now. "I'm... I'm happy for you."

"Don't say that!"Hearing such a thing angered him.

"What do you want me to say?" Her tone matched his perfectly.

"I DON'T KNOW!

That you hate me!

That you're never going to forgive me!

That it's not okay!

Something other than you're happy because clearly you're not!" He wanted her anger because he couldn't seem to be angry enough with himself.

"How long have you known her?" A feeling of betrayal settled in her stomach as she thought back to the eighteen weeks that had been mentioned.

"I don't." It was said with something close to shame. "It was a weak moment and a bad decision."

"You don't know her?" Those words hurt nearly as much as her original declaration. "You're having a child with a stranger?"

The tears he could tell she was fighting had his own voice cracking. "Zee I don't know what to do."

"You start by not having a one nighter two months after your son dies Tony!" Good for him that he didn't know what to do, like she did.

"I know.." He sat on a stair soon dropping his head in his hands. "Believe me.. I know."

Sighing she sat next to him. All the fury in the world wouldn't change what was happening and she'd have to come to terms with that. "It'll be alright."

He looked up to see something he sure hadn't been expecting.  
>A hint of affection.<br>"You should hate me.  
>Why don't you hate me?" He sure hated himself right now.<p>

As much as it killed her to admit it she did. "Because I love you."

Her words broke any resolve he had left and soon he was pulling her into a tight hug whispering, "Zee I'm so sorry," into her hair as tears dampened his shirt. He was... in too many ways to name.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

It seemed like in less than a week he had become the biggest outcast NCIS had seen in years.  
>No matter what room he went in or what hall he turned down there were whispers and distasteful glances to meet him.<p>

"Got something to say Green?" Yet another unwanted opinion was clearly displayed on the agents face but he decided it best to continue on before words were shared that might damage.

He had been made to feel like his head should be hung in shame and for that sole reason he held it higher.  
>What others thought was on them but this was his life, he had to live it, and he refused to be embarrassed by it.<p>

"What you got Duckster?" He slid into autopsy with an ease, he knew he'd be judgment free there.

"Part of a right femur." The doctors answer was quite literal as he placed the charred bone aside. "Though I presume you've come down for confirmation of this young mans identity."

"Is he Keith Thompson?" He hated fires. Not only did it degrade the victim, it burned the leads before they could be followed.

"In the flesh." Ducky looked down on his latest patient before regretfully adding, "or what's left of his."

Tony's gaze also fell to their victim.  
>He felt bad for him and at the same exact time envious of him.<br>At least he didn't have to worry about anything anymore.

"Something on your mind?" Ducky knew there was, the intensity in Tony's stare said as much.

Letting your mind wander while in the presence of someone licensed to profile wasn't the best idea but unfortunately he couldn't back track. "Nope... just thinking about how I'm gonna help my buddy Keith here."

"You sure you're not thinking about someone else?" He continued to question casually.

"Positive." The hint was clear but he was trying to close that book not share the chapter. "Listen I've got to get back upstairs before Gibbs pitches a fit." He'd also prefer it if he was gone before Palmer arrived.

He watched as Tony none too smoothly moved to the door. "If you ever need anything?" It was an offer that he doubted held any current value to Tony but still Ducky offered it feeling like he needed to let the man know he wasn't alone.

"Thanks Duck," He seemed to be the only one who wasn't feeling betrayed. "I appreciate it."

He didn't answer, waiting to hear the doors close before looking back up.  
>Everyone else seemed to be giving the poor kid a cold shoulder which he knew wouldn't help a thing.<br>No... what they needed to do was show support and until they did he'd do it for them, he wouldn't leave Tony in complete isolation.

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"DiNozzo, Mc.." Three sets of eyes had Gibbs stopping to rethink the orders he was about to give. "DiNozzo with me... Ziva, McGee find me his brother."

Ziva watched as both Tony and Gibbs left the bullpen before turning to look at McGee who was doing the same.

Feeling a gaze on him had him turning his attention to Ziva.  
>She said nothing simply continued to stare and eventually he relented with a, "Lets go" before standing from his chair and walking to the elevator.<p>

She followed without comment but her gaze was still on him even as they entered.  
>He hadn't talked to her personally in days now and though she knew he was mad she was beginning to think she had done something wrong herself.<p>

Such emotion and intensity in a single look had his skin burning.  
>Soon he was shifting from foot to foot and trying not to squirm at her scrutiny.<br>The pure discomfort and unannounced awkwardness had him snapping. "WHAT?!"

Such an outburst from him had her taken back if for nothing more than a second. "What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me!" Disbelief met anger and soon he was stepping out the newly opening doors and moving to the exit.

"McGee?" He left her without care to the stares of others. "McGee!" Soon she was also out the door. "TIM!" She nearly ran into him for how quick he was to turn around. "What's your problem?"

That question lit a fuse that had grown all too short. "You! You're my problem Ziva!"

"Wh..." Those weren't words she had been expecting. "What did I do?"

"Nothing." McGee huffed as he continued through the parking lot.

"TIM!" She was on his heels, no way was he not explaining that statement.

"We've got work to do." Having reached their car he moved to grab the handle but she quickly slid herself between him and the door.

"I am not going anywhere with you until you tell me what this is about." He had the nerve to roll his eyes which angered her. "What did I do!"

"YOU FORGAVE HIM!" If she wanted to hear it then he'd say it. "IN YOUR EYES HE DOES NO WRONG!" Mere hours after the news of Tony's latest betrayal he had found them laughing it up like everything was good and cheery.

"This is about Tony?" That was probably something she should have known but hadn't quite seen.

"Yeah it's about Tony! It's always about Tony!  
>He steps all over you and still there you stand giving him a shoulder to cry on when he brought all of this on himself!"<p>

"Don't you think it would be easier to hate him?" He had some nerve yelling at her about something he didn't understand. "I'd love to hate him but where does that get me? I'm not going to sit aside and cry for the rest of my life. He did it, it's done, and there's nothing I can do about it!"

"You don't want to do anything about it!" He knew better than to anger her but they should know better than to do it to him. "He slaps you in the face time and time again and you just keep on turning the other cheek!"

"That's none of your business!" The things that she had told him about her and Tony were shared in a confidence not so he'd use them against her later.

"I know.. it's never any of my business." He took a few steps to the side as he turned around with a deep breath. "It's not my concern to see him treat you the way that he does." Slowly he turned back around with an expression he wished was void of emotion though it was clearly painted in those sparkling eyes. "It doesn't matter that it hurts me to see you sit there and cry."

He looked helplessly hurt and it frustrated her. "WHY DO YOU CARE!"

"Why do I care?" That stung deeply. "Why do I care?"

"YES!" He was repeating the question like she should know the answer which was not only annoying but false. "WHY DO YOU CARE!" It was her life and she didn't need another person telling her how to live it.

Work be damned he needed some space and he planned on taking it.  
>If in all this time she hadn't caught on he doubted she would and he was tired of playing Tony's second.<p>

"So you're walking out on me too?" He had only made it a few paces before those words met his ears.  
>With every intention of ignoring them he continued on... but so did she. "And here I thought you were different Tim!" Still he continued on. "You know what! You're no friend! You're no better than the rest of them!"<p>

He knew she was only trying for a reaction and if he was smart he wouldn't give her one but at the moment he wouldn't claim to be winning any IQ tests. "You know what Ziva I don't care. If you don't why should I? Continue being used as a carpet... it's fine by me."

"Go to hell McGee." Too many of the men in her life talked down to her and she didn't need him becoming another.

Clearly she wanted last say but he wasn't in a mood to give it to her. "Been there for months now. I've got myself a cozy little spot actually."

As much as her temper wanted to lash out on him something about the way those last words had been said had her wanting to better understand. "Why does it matter?"

He simply shook his head with a relenting look as he pulled the car key from his pocket.  
>Like it or not better judgement had his mind getting back on works track. "Are you coming or not?"<p>

"Tell me why it matters?" In one quick movement she had the key away from him.

Again he shook his head annoyed that she was preventing him from getting into the car.

"Why?"

None too politely he tried passing her to at least enter through the passengers side but she returned the ill manners by shoving him back. "Why?"

"It's none of your business!" The anger that crossed her face brought him some satisfaction. Now she knew how it felt to be told that.

"If I'm your problem than it is!" She stepped into his space leaving him with no choice but to move back. "Why does he matter?"

"He doesn't..." If she wanted to believe her threatening manner was what brought answers then so be it but it was actually his pure exhaustion. He was tired of holding things back and pure and simple; easy as that he decided he wasn't doing it anymore. "You do."

"Why?" He seemed close to relenting but it was in no way good for he appeared to be breaking.

Something in those three letters seemed to have unlocked a door, one she was staring into without shame and instead of closing it he welcomed her in hoping she didn't rip his place apart with the knowledge she was soon to gain. "Because..."

Never had a because put her so on edge and for some reason such an innocent word had her hesitant about what was to come. "Because why?"

Too many times had he thought of how he'd tell her until finally he decided he wouldn't.  
>It was news he'd take to the grave and though he wasn't quite there yet he was pretty sure after this he would be. "Because I love you."<p>

She moved closer and for a good moment he thought she was going to hit him until she did something ten times more painful and doubly insulting.

She kissed him.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: How's that for an update?**

**Hope you enjoyed!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

Another gaze around the restaurant had her sighing out in frustration, she knew she shouldn't have come.  
>It was with a few irritated taps on the table that she decided to call him.<p>

Unsurprisingly he didn't answer, still she left a message, "How low do you go Tony? Your accusations were one thing but calling me all the way out here just to stand me up..." Her anger wouldn't allow her to finish that thought. "Look I can't deal with your childish games right now because in case you've forgot I have one on the way.. if you decide to grow up call me. I might answer."

With that she stood grabbing her purse with the intention of throwing a few bills on the table.

"Charlotte?" Her attention left her wallet as it turned to a hesitant voice.

"Sevenish Tony?" She shook her head as she reluctantly reclaimed her seat.  
>It was nearly 9:30.<p>

"I know and I'm really sorry I just..." She looked annoyed and he cut himself off as he claimed the seat across from her. "Look I'm not trying to make excuses but that's how it usually goes. That's my line of work."

"You wanted to talk?" She was curt and cold in her words.

"I wanted to apologize first," She rolled her eyes which he supposed he deserved. "I shouldn't have said what I did."

"Then why did you?" She firmly believed people said what they meant.

"It's not everyday you get such shocking news." Tony shrugged off what had turned into a partial lie.

"Well I wasn't exactly prepared for it myself." Charlotte snarked.  
>She sure hadn't been doing cartwheels.<p>

"I know but I.." He sighed as he reminded himself that excuses were useless. "I was insensitive and cruel and I'm sorry but I wanted to let you know that.." The words stung his throat with a bitter edge as he spoke them, "I believe you."

"I don't see why you wouldn't.  
>I've got better things to do with my life than to go around accusing men of fathering my child." If that statement was supposed to make her feel better it didn't. "But don't take my word for it... I'm just another bar whore right?"<p>

"I've never thought that of you." Those words were true. A lot of thoughts had crossed his mind in the two weeks since she'd shared the news but none that were degrading of her.

"I'm sure." And the sarcasm was back.

"Charlotte I called because I want to get to know you, because I don't want you to remember me as a wide eyed fumbling jerk." Thoughts were all he seemed to have and he was beginning to drown in them.

There was a wolf sitting at his door and the only solution visible to him was answering it, they were his consequences to face.

"I can get a DNA test done." She offered a bit somberly. She didn't believe he'd go from off to on so quick.

"Lets just put that idea on ice for awhile." Tony suggested.  
>He could see why she was seeming hesitant. "Are you hungry?" Maybe the tension would settle over dinner.<p>

"No..." Her nose wrinkled as her face scrunched. "For the last few days now food hasn't really been my friend." Her pregnancy hadn't been a picnic so far and it didn't help that she had no partner for support.

"Is that a good thing or.. ?" He felt like he was prying since he didn't really know her but fear began creeping it's way in. A devious little voice inside whispering, 'It's going to happen again.' "Have you talked to your doctor?"

"Just seen him today, got another sonogram to send to Ellicott." She wanted to believe the worry was genuine but she just didn't know.

"Ellicott City?" Now that had Tony's attention piqued.

"Yeah.. it's where I was born and raised. It's right outside of.."

"Baltimore" Tony finished with a half grin.

"I take it you've been there?" She'd say it was more than that if she was judging by the mood shift.

"I used to be part of Baltimore PD." Now this was the kind of conversation he could handle, it wasn't as high strung.

"Why'd you leave?" Charlotte asked as she took a sip from her water glass.  
>Her hand resting on her midsection in an almost protective way.<p>

"A light shined on a better place for me." Tony summed. He didn't want to lie but it was certainly something he wouldn't be sharing anytime soon. "And you? Ellicott's a pretty nice place to just up and leave it."

Shrugging simply Charlotte offered her own line, surely the story behind it was just as intriguing, "I like to think of myself as adventurous."

"So what do you do?" Shamefully he hadn't a clue.

"As of a few weeks ago I'm a part time librarian." He couldn't help it, he laughed.  
>Of all the ways for it to happen this was how one of his fantasies came true. "It's not funny that I had to take a leave from nursing because this child has been making me deathly sick!"<p>

"Deathly's a strong word." It was interesting to find out she was a nurse.

"Trust me it's appropriate." She couldn't even look at a jar of jelly without feeling a bit green.

"So do you have a plan?" It was kind of stupid to ask but he wanted to know how she envisioned things.

"I'm going to roll with it." She sure wasn't admitting that she was scared to death with absolutely no clue of what she was going to do.

"You're just going to roll with it?" His mind kind of froze with that.  
>Ziva seemed to have had a plan for the plans and he just assumed that it would be the same with other women as well.<p>

"That's the best I've got for now." If he was expecting an expert he certainly wouldn't find it in her.  
>The only thing she did know for sure was how drastically her life was about to change.<p>

"Well than it's good enough for now." There wasn't a rush and he certainly didn't want her to feel judged.

"Do you really want to be a father?" Charlotte found her emotions rising with those words.  
>She certainly didn't want her child to be treated like an obligation, or worse yet as a charity case.<p>

Tony found those words pulling him into memories he deliberately tried to stay away from.  
>The clearest of him holding his son with tears he desperately wished were of joy.<br>He felt them beginning to rise anew and he cleared his throat as he asked, "Do.. do you have a sonogram with you?"

"Yeah it's.." She rummaged around in her purse a bit before pulling it out. "it's from today."  
>She passed it with a fondness that seemed close to pride.<p>

Tony took it with a hand he was willing not to shake.  
>He didn't see how that same shadowed grey and black image could stir such different emotions.<p>

The first time he had held one of those it was with wonder and excitement but now it was with pain and sorrow.  
>He literally felt like he was being burned. "Twenty weeks huh?" He couldn't bring himself to look at in any longer, yet he couldn't look away.<p>

Charlotte nodded as she looked at the way he was looking at the picture.  
>She'd dare say it was somberly." Twenty exactly."<p>

"Half way" Tony let out a short laugh that was anything but humor filled as he finally set the photo down.  
>As much as he wanted to think of the baby that was soon to come it just didn't seem likely.<br>Right now his mind was with the one who had been and gone.

"Yeah I'm waiting for the half time," She joked. She could certainly use the break. "who knows maybe he'll play."

He could care less about the football remark.  
>All his attention had gone straight to that contraction. "He'll?"<p>

"Yeah," She affirmed watching as all color left his face. "it's a boy."

"It's a.." His voice broke and with it his composure.  
>Shamelessly a few tears fell. "It's a boy."<p>

"Tony?" If he truly wanted to be a father such news shouldn't have upset him so. "Like I said I'm not expecting anything.. you've still got time to back out but you've got to make up your mind now." Tonight was it because she needed a solid structure, not an absentee father her son would barely know.

Shaking his head Tony uselessly tried to push away some emotion.  
>It didn't do much for him but then again he hadn't expected it to.<br>Right now he felt as if his heart would break and worst of all it looked to be becoming a tale he'd have to share. "Charlotte," Her eyes were once again guarded and accusing, of course she didn't understand but it was time for him to change that. "there's something I need to tell you."

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"You can't ignore me forever." Ziva assured as she followed behind a McGee who was doing his best to do just that.

"Do you even know how tempted I am to get you arrested for harassing a federal agent?" McGee huffed as he turned up the hallway that would take him to his apartment. She had been hounding him for days now.

"Let them try." Ziva growled as she kept on his heels. "I've done nothing wrong."

"Nothing wrong?" Tim questioned sarcastically as he searched for his keys. "Try stalking, trespassing..." A slight jingle had him looking up to see Ziva shaking them. "petty theft!"

"Sue me." She pushed her way in front of the door, unlocking it and entering as easy as if it was her own home.

"Come on in." Tim grumbled as he slammed the door behind himself.

"Are you going to talk to me?" Ziva questioned as she sat on his couch.

"About?" He went to the kitchen in search of a beer.  
>Yup, she was driving him to drink.<p>

"About?" He was absolutely frustrating! "Maybe about what happened in the par-"

"I know exactly what happened in the parking lot." He cut her off harshly.  
>It was kind of hard to forget when it was in your head on a constant replay. "And there's nothing to talk about."<p>

"So that's how this is going to be." Ziva spoke factually as she watched him move about in agitation.  
>He had been that way toward her since that kiss and she was beginning to regret it... yet she couldn't.<br>It brought about a glimmer of a feeling she had been searching for, one that had been absent from her heart for far too long, and she wanted it back. "You're just going to ignore what I did.. I am supposed to pretend I did not hear what you said."

"Yes, because I shouldn't have said what I said and you shouldn't have done what you did!" Why could she not understand that?

"WHY!" With her pent up frustration she easily bounced off the couch. "Did you not mean what you said?"

"Ziva.." He placed his bottle on the counter none to gently as she appeared on the other side of it. "That has nothing to do with this."

"How does it not?" She couldn't figure him out.  
>"If you truly have feelings for me why is such a small gesture causing such havoc?"<p>

"Because it was wrong... I was wrong." For a fraction of a second he had let himself enjoy it, had thought there might be actual feeling behind her actions but slowly reality sunk in and he knew that wasn't so.

"How were you wrong Tim?" He was showing her how deeply annoyed she could actually become.

Of course the agent in her sent question after question his way but did she not understand he couldn't bring himself to answer.  
>The thought alone was heart breaking enough. "Ziva stop."<p>

"No," Surely he could see he had brought this on himself. "Why was it wrong!"

"BECAUSE!" His hands slid through his hair and in freshly pure anger he pulled at the ends, wanting and wishing he could pull it out.

"BECAUSE WHY!" Good for him he could get loud, she could get louder.

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME DAMN IT!" He was shaking with unspoken emotion and pure rage. "You don't love me." And in poured the pure pain.

"And how do you know that?" Stronger than any anger or rage he was showing spoke his fear.

"Because I know you... and you love Tony." Whether he like it or not he knew it was true.  
>And he'd been living with it for two years now.<p>

"You know as well as I do that Tony and I are finished.. it's been that way for months." He had been the support she needed to stick by that decision once and for all.

"That doesn't change a thing Ziva.  
>You still love him and don't you try saying different cause I can see it in your eyes." If there was one thing he had learned in all this time it was that you couldn't claim a heart that had been given to another.<p>

"I do.." Ziva nodded hesitantly in agreement as she took a seat on one of the stools. "and I probably always will Tim.  
>He's the father of my child.. and there's something in that bond that will always keep him close.. but he's never been close enough." She had admitted it before and there was no reason not to do so again. "I love him but I'm no longer in love with him."<p>

He wanted to believe it but it just didn't seem right.  
>All of a sudden she was interested?<br>Why? "That doesn't mean you love me.. and why would you?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He once again left her and she once again followed him. "You've been a solid support and for that alone I do."

"You do?" Tim snarked. "How can you try claiming to love me when you can't even say it Ziva!" He saw exactly what this was and it was why he was fighting so hard against it.

"Have you given me the chance?" He had been all but running from her.

"No and I'm not going to because I'm not going to be used as a rebound or become some sick pawn in this little dance you and Tony got going! It's just not going to happen!" That would hurt far worse than the silent suffering he had been induring.

"After everything I've gone through, everything we've gone through do you really think I'd do that to you?" The accusation stung more than a little and it left her eyes doing the same.

"To be honest I don't know what to think anymore." Too many months he had spent tied up in the middle of their knot, falsely believing in their words time after time.. he no longer knew what held true.

Nodding her head she moved to the door. "You're right.. we have done things that we shouldn't have but Tony's moving on." It pulled painfully at her heart to think of his current location. "He got his second chance," Ziva shrugged as she opened the door. "but I guess I was wrong in thinking you could be mine."

It took a second for her words to sink in and a moment more for him to catch the full meaning but finally he did.  
>He let them out of his head and into his heart where they truly belonged. "Ziva?"<p>

She was no longer in his sight but that didn't deture him as he went in search.  
>For too long he had wanted this and for days now it had been teasingly close yet impossibly far away.<br>It was about time he stopped being taunted. "Ziva!"

He turned the corner to find the hall empty, still he continued on down the staircase and right out the door when it crossed his path.  
>She wasn't in his sight so he turned around, not in defeat but to retrieve coat and keys, he'd find her yet.<p>

He had nearly reached his door when he remembered Ziva had taken his keys.  
>She must have realized the same because when he did reach the door there she was sliding said keys under it. "Ziva?"<p>

She stood cautiously as she kept a careful eye on him.  
>It was a scrutiny he returned as he searched for the something he saw hidden in that gaze.<br>Clearly it was a question and there was only one way he could think of answering it.

Slowly he pushed back unruly hair, his thumb sliding across her cheek as he did so.  
>It felt as much foreign and wrong as it did familiar and right and he found himself wanting to hesitate; but at the same time he didn't want to question or second guess.<p>

For her part Ziva hadn't moved, she was as still as her gaze that was still readily questioning him.  
>The ball was in his court and they both knew it.<br>This was all up to him, and he had chosen her; which he found he needed to remind himself of a few times.

His hand was still behind her ear where he had tucked her hair and after a moment more she placed hers on the back of it.  
>That little contact offered a comfort more than she could know, but perhaps she did.<br>It seemed like it was all he needed as he finally leaned in to offer the chastest of kisses.  
>As little as it was it had changed how things would forever be between them.<p>

"You know.." Ziva spoke softly as she thought of what they were to attempt, what she had chosen to pursue. "I do love you."

Perhaps she had seen his question too for that had certainly been the answer.  
>It broke any and all worry and the hesitation that came with it.<p>

Slowly he dropped his forehead to hers taking a second to just breath in this new possibility.  
>She was going to be..<br>No.., she was his and that thought alone brought out a possessiveness. "Say it again." He whispered as he moved closer to the door, Ziva nearly getting pressed against it.

"I love you." It held a confidence that gave him some of his own.  
>He kissed her again inhaling a scent that could be described as nothing less than home.<br>It was intoxicating. "Tell me again."

There was a look in his eyes she had never seen. "I.." Dare it be said she was excited, if not the slightest bit nervous to explore this new side of him. "love you."

A growl was not something she had been expecting of him but the sound he had just made could be considered nothing less. "You love me." Tim breathed into her neck as he kissed it.

Such confirmation couldn't really be necessary but once again she appeased him by nodding, at least the best she could with his current actions.

Lifting his gaze he caught hers and finally.. he truly believed her.  
>She was there for him and surprisingly enough.. "you love me?"<p>

With a disbelieving laugh she grabbed him by the collar kissing him forcefully as she felt behind herself for the door handle soon turning it and pulling him inside.

Apparently her word wasn't good enough..  
>She'd just have to show him.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Whatcha Think? :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Silence drifted heavily through the darkened room though the presence of thoughts was so clear they could nearly be heard.

Her arm was draped weightlessly across his belly, her ear pressed firmly against his chest, listening intently to the beat of his heart.  
>Perhaps if she concentrated hard enough she would hear the secrets within.<p>

One hand kept her protectively at his side as the other marveled in the texture of her hair.  
>It was thick and soft and sprawled across him in a way that no blanket ever would.<br>It brought a warming comfort that nothing could ever match.

His breathing was starting to slow, beginning to even, a clear sign that he was no longer having to chase sleep.  
>He was going to fall to dreams, but would he wake to regrets? "Tim"<p>

"Hmm?" The whispered breath had him letting out more of a sigh than a response as it tickled his skin.  
>Mere hours ago the thought of her fingers running along his arm, drawing patterns down his side, would have been forbidden.<p>

She lifted her head as she crossed her arms over his chest not at all bothered by the extra weight she was placing on him. "What are you thinking?"

For a second his mind supplied, 'How nice it would be if you'd let me sleep' but he tucked away the inner grumpiness as he answered, "I'm wondering how… how something that seems so wrong can feel so right."

She sighed disappointedly as she placed a lazy kiss to the middle of his chest. "You still think it's wrong?"

"I think," It didn't take much to sidle down so they'd be eye to eye. "That after so long of telling myself that it was wrong… it'll take some time to believe it might actually be right."

She had felt the very war waging within him.  
>In every kiss, every caress, every touch he'd given.<br>His heart, his soul, had begged that he finally give in to that ever growing want… that need.  
>Yet right behind them stood mind and memory insisting that he couldn't, that he shouldn't.<p>

Being torn in so many ways had set him ablaze, a fire she had guiltily reveled in. "You should have told me."

"There are plenty of things I should've done Ziva." He barely made the effort to raise a shoulder in a half shrug as he stared into captivating eyes. "Just like there are plenty I shouldn't have."

"Those are how we know our lesson is learned." Unfortunately she knew the good couldn't come without the bad.

He smiled sympathetically as he thought of what must be going through her mind. "Life is the best teacher."

Her eyes drifted shut as she nodded slightly and; God if she wasn't a natural beauty. "I hope you know Tim… you are my best friend."

His heart swelled with those words.  
>"You know there's an old wives tale that says your soul mate and best friend are one in the same."<p>

She didn't bother to open her eyes as she rolled into his side tossing a leg over his. "Perhaps it is not a tale."

His smile nearly lit the room as he pulled her closer still placing a gentle kiss to her head.  
>So much more could be said but he'd settle for silence… and soaking up the warmth of her skin.<p>

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"So you lost your baby boy before you even got a chance to have him?" Charlotte's eyes were huge with sympathy, sadness, and fear.

Long ago they had left the restaurant, looking for peace and privacy, and though it was with hesitation here they were a few hours later on his couch.

"Yeah" What else could he say?  
>He didn't share.<br>Not ever.  
>The only time he let the lid off that bottle was once weekly… in therapy.<br>It just didn't happen.

She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to do.  
>Clearly the pain was still fresh; it was seeping out of every pore.<br>He was in a world of hurt that she, try as she might, couldn't completely understand. "This'll be your second child."

Sitting up from where he had his elbows resting on his knees he nodded slightly, "Yup, another son."

"You don't want him do you?" She couldn't quite name what lit his eyes whenever he mentioned her child but it sure wasn't excitement.

"Charlotte it's…" He rubbed his hand over his face with a sigh trying to expel some exhaustion, both mental and emotional. "It's not that I don't want him, of course I want him. It's just… it's hard to imagine preparing for a second while you're still mourning the first."

"But you'll never finish mourning him." She was trying her best to understand him but he didn't seem to understand her.

"So what? You just want me to move on?  
>We'll just go to the next one!" He shot up in absolute anger.<p>

"Tony I'm not trying to replace him!" He had completely misunderstood her last words. "That's something I'd never do," Soon enough she was in front of him placing her hand on his forearm in what she hoped to be a calming manner. "I'm just trying to say that try as you might you'll never finish grieving completely."

He simply stood there with a stubborn set in his eyes.  
>"Tony," It wasn't much but at least he was looking at her. "He's your son too."<p>

Something in the words seemed to stir him and with some effort she got him to place a hand on her belly.  
>"He needs a daddy." Hormones had her close to tears. "Who else is gonna tell him about his big brother."<p>

That phrase pulled the plug.  
>After all this time it let out everything he had managed to hold in.<br>Now he couldn't even manage to hold himself up.

She couldn't help it.  
>Tears of her own fell as she sat beside where he'd sunk back down on the couch. "He needs you."<p>

He wasn't ashamed to admit it.  
>He didn't care what she thought.<br>Ironically enough it had nothing to do with her. "I'm scared."

The way he said it broke her heart.  
>She barely knew him, barely understood, barely cared that they were all but strangers.<br>He was hurting and she wanted to help.  
>Yet right now she could barely help herself.<p>

With a sigh she placed a hand on his knee.  
>This was way more than she had been looking for, it was more than she had been expecting to find.<br>Here she sat next to the after effects of a tragedy but perhaps she could provide some remedy. "I'm scared too."

* * *

><p><strong>EN: A little add on to the last chapter just to get a feel for things again.**

**I know it's been a while but I won't make excuses… instead I'll make a promise… even if it takes a good moment I will finish this… I don't believe in abandoning stories, in my opinion it's cruel and it's something I'd never do**

**Hopefully you're enjoying still and I hope that life allows another update soon!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

**One Month Later**

"What are you thinking Jethro?" He finally questioned the man he'd long been watching study the others from a few steps back.

"You know me Duck," He turned his gaze from the table on the other side of the room with a half shrug.  
>The doctor's presence surprised him no more than the lack of questioning on his own whereabouts. "Just wondering what'll happen."<p>

"Something is worrying you." He didn't need to question, the same unknown worried him.

"All's calm," He offered simply as his mind momentarily drifted back to Tony's  
>explanation of how he and Charlotte had decided to try for a relationship. "Maybe too calm."<p>

"Like the kind you'd see before a storm." The situation they'd been faced with should have been positively difficult yet he had watched the group accept it with something close to ease. That alone had him doubting the authenticity.

"What I wanna know is," He shared a look with Ducky that spoke more than  
>a thought or two as he glanced back toward the group. There they sat sharing a meal,<br>laughing and joking as if they'd all know each other for years. As if there wasn't an elephant in the room.  
>As if the subtle air of discomfort was invisible to everyone but him. "Who gets left holding the umbrella?"<p>

"I have a niggling feeling Jethro that we will soon find out." His eyebrow quirked as if to say, 'Prepared or not'.

With that knowing look of his own he tossed an arm around his friend's  
>shoulders asking, "Ya hungry Duck?" before steering him toward the table they should have long ago joined.<p>

"Did you guys get lost?" Tony spoke almost accusingly as he slid further to his left to make room on the bench.

"I had an errand to run DiNozzo." He knew the weight in which he spoke those words would put an end to all questions.

"And I merely lost track of time."  
>Ducky excused himself as he slid in next to the young man.<br>"I'm afraid it is one of the lesser perks to aging."

"Nonsense, you are still every bit as sharp as a tack and if I must say  
>you haven't aged a week past the day we met." Ziva's kind words were offered with a soft smile.<p>

"Flattery could carry you anywhere my dear." He returned the smile in appreciation.  
>Even if her words were easily seen through it was nice being complemented for a change.<p>

"That's sweet." Charlotte spoke mostly to herself with fondness.  
>Sure she'd had close friends at work but never had it been on that type of scale or level.<br>That was a bond that aside from family few were lucky enough to have and many envied.

"Don't let her fool you." Tony mock whispered as Ziva glared.

"He's one to talk." Abby joked as she pulled her chair in for McGee to pass.

With another, 'Excuse me' McGee was making his way around Ziva  
>with the offer of bringing the newest additions menus when he returned.<p>

Something about the way in which he left had Gibbs' gaze following him until long after he'd disappeared.

"So, you excited for the baby." Jimmy asked absently as he twirled his fork through his pasta.  
>He didn't seem to notice the ghostly silence that covered their table like a blanket.<p>

"Palmer," Ducky was the one to finally break it.  
>The boy could never seem to keep his foot out of his mouth. "I believe that would be a personal question."<p>

"Oh, I'm…" He looked between Charlotte and Tony with something close to embarrassment. "I didn't know."

"It's fine." Tony assured as he glanced over to Charlotte.  
>He had told her they didn't talk about it per his request but he wasn't<br>sure how much longer she'd let that fly without further explanation.

"Actually," Ziva spoke up. "I'd like to know too."  
>She didn't know what Tony had told Charlotte but she knew the hush hush of it was purely for her benefit.<p>

"Yeah" Abby's agreement pulled all eyes off of Ziva which she was extremely thankful for.  
>Perhaps they thought not speaking of it would shield her somehow but in reality it changed absolutely nothing.<br>Whether she faced it or not that child was coming and no amount of denial would change it.

"Well," She stretched the word out as she tried to see if her answering would bother Tony.  
>"Now that the initial fear and nervousness is starting to settle down I think the excitement can really kick in."<p>

"Right about now is the time when your fetus can really start to hear you, to recognize you even." It was something that absolutely amazed him.

"That's what my doctor told me." She smiled at the awe in which Jimmy spoke.  
>There was plenty about pregnancy she already knew thanks to her career path, but experiencing it first hand was sure something else entirely.<p>

"This is your second trimester no?" Ziva questioned as she tried to remember the milestones that showed around that time.  
>She didn't like to look back on her own pregnancy; seeing mostly unhappiness when she did.<p>

"Thankfully yes," Charlotte laughed slightly as she placed a hand over her lower belly.  
>"For a while there I was thinking this kid was going to starve to death."<p>

"I can tell you right now I'm not sorry I missed that."

Palmer and Abby's laughter could have been from Tony's comment but it was  
>more likely from his wince as a certain someone's hand connected with the back of his head.<p>

"Who is your doctor?" Ducky questioned once he finished assessing Ziva.  
>It didn't look like she had minded, possibly even caught on to, the death comment.<p>

"Matthew Sutton," His face was blank. "He's a regular at St. Mary's."

"I can't say that I've heard of him." Ducky shrugged apologetically.

"Wrong side of the shore." Jimmy laughed, but no one joined. "Come on guys… you know, Sea Shore… we're Navy."  
>Abby just quirked a brow as he cleared his throat; talk about a tough crowd.<p>

"So have you done a lot of shopping?" Ever mindful of Ziva she kept her excitement to a minimum but she'd  
>be lying if she said she hadn't all but been sitting on her hands to avoid knitting the kid something.<br>After all just because she didn't like the situation didn't mean she couldn't like the baby.

"I've got a few things but we've actually been waiting until after the baby shower to see what I'll need."  
>She knew a lot of woman would think her nuts for being so poorly prepared, but really she was in no hurry.<p>

"You should see the scale that thing's on." Tony spoke with obvious disbelief. "I swear the guest list is two miles long."

"Yeah," Charlotte spoke shyly. "When it comes to my ma and Jessica things tend to get carried away pretty quickly."

With a shrug Abby joked, "It just means that many more presents."

"Which we expect from none of you." Tony made sure to clarify.  
>He didn't want them to feel obligated in any way; not even to come.<p>

"One thing's for sure," She ignored his antics as she moved a hand to rub at her side. "This boy is going to be spoiled rotten."

"Boy?" Gibbs who had been silently wondering where McGee had gotten off to up until this point remarked.

"Yeah," Charlotte smiled, obviously not having picked up on the renewed tension. "It's a boy."

Once again Ziva had all eyes on her and it had her wishing desperately she could just crawl under the table.

What were they expecting?

A melt down?  
>A freak out?<br>A tantrum?

It wasn't as if she would just let herself fall apart in public.  
>She wasn't some poor soul; some helpless wallflower.<br>She was Ziva David for Christ's sake!

So what if she felt like she was breaking inside.  
>It didn't matter that her heart was painfully shattering.<br>She was a strong woman whose head was always held high.  
>Surely after everything she'd been through she'd survive this.<p>

With a flatteringly false smile she was the first to offer, "Congratulations! I'm sure he'll be a beautiful boy."

"Thank you" Charlotte smiled brightly as the others started offering their congratulations as well.

A few moments later Tim was back and offering menus to the two eldest of the group. "What'd I miss?"

"Not a thing." Ziva assured as he moved past to reclaim his spot between Abby and Palmer.

"Hey Boss," A shared look with Ziva had him desperately wanting to change the subject.  
>"You should try the chicken cacciatore, I heard this place has the best."<p>

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"Well that was…" For a moment Jimmy's mind wandered as he tried to think of how you'd explain  
>dinner with your friend's Ex-girlfriend - baby momma and his new girlfriend - baby momma.<p>

"Awkward" Abby provided earnestly.

"Yeah" He breathed sympathetically as he rearranged himself in the passenger side of her hearse. "I feel bad for her."

"Who?"

"Ziva of course" he gazed quizzically upon her.  
>"I mean can you imagine having the father of your child, whom you've just lost, going off and fathering another?<br>For me that would be one of the highest forms of betrayal." It really was hard for him to believe the stride in which she had taken it.

"Just think of how Charlotte must be feeling."Abby's sympathy was just as strong.  
>"She seems too scared to even talk about the baby without permission." She had seen Charlotte look over multiple times to gauge a reaction from Tony before she continued with her thoughts. "Can you fathom how much strength it must be taking to be pregnant at a time like this; trying to celebrate your child while everyone around is still mourning one?"<p>

"That doesn't even mention Tony."

Abby nodded her understanding as she veered off the main road and onto a side street that would lead her to his home.  
>"I don't even want to picture what must be going through his mind at the moment."<br>No matter what stupid stunts he tended to pull it didn't change the fact that Tony was a good guy.

He hadn't really thought too much about Tony's side of it until right now; oh how he felt sorry for his friends. "I bet it's tearing him up inside."

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"Ziva" Tim called out as he entered her house.  
>All was dark from what he could see.<p>

"Ziva, you here!" He had learned quickly that her car being out front meant absolutely nothing.

"Ziva?" Carefully he pushed the door behind him closed before walking further into the living room.

She had been first to leave the restaurant and though he would have loved to follow he grudgingly stayed behind. They had yet to tell anyone of their relationship, hence his seat between Abby and Palmer, and he didn't want his actions to begin looking suspicious now. Surely if they were to face the upcoming months together privacy was needed to prepare and strengthen a bond that would undoubtedly be questioned. "Ziva!"

A turn of the floor lamp's switch illuminated the room just enough  
>to see his German shepherd sprawled out in the beginnings of the hallway. "Jethro up"<br>The canine was sluggish in obeying as he offered what was nearly a pout of puppy eyes, as if pleading 'Please don't make me'.

It wasn't until after he passed the guest room that he heard a familiar sound; that of running water.

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"Tony" She turned her gaze to the man stretched out beside her on the couch.

"Hmm" he opened his eye a slit in wonder.

She'd been pondering this thought for a while now and she was  
>pretty sure she had the right to know. "What did you name your son?"<p>

He didn't move nor did he bother to look at her as he answered, "His name was Isiah."

"Is" Charlotte found herself immediately correcting.  
>The feeling 'was' put on things seemed wrong; as if it suggested he could no longer be."He still is."<p>

He barely made a sound of agreement which saddened her.  
>A month's time had gone by and she still knew nothing of the situation, of the boy, other than his death. "Tony"<p>

"Yes?" He seemed dead set against looking at her.

"What did he look like?"

"What did he look like?" He repeated her question as he straightened up.

"Yeah," His tone suggested she tread lightly. "What did he look like?"

"He…" The curiosity on her face only seemed to worsen the situation for him.  
>"He looked… I don't know Charlotte!" With pain filled frustration he threw his hands up.<br>"He looked like a baby okay!" Once again he let his head drop; this time with hurt. "He looked like a baby."

"Was he tall? Was he small?" Clearly he didn't want to talk about it, but how would he ever face his son with the topic if he couldn't face her? "Was he dark? Was he furry?"

That made him laugh just the slightest which made her smile.  
>It was a rare occurrence but she loved seeing him happy; making him happy.<p>

"He was beautiful." A familiar pain came entangled with the fond memory. "He's… indescribable."

"Try" It was a request as much as a plea.

"He was a DiNozzo," Tony shrugged as he tried not to let emotions drag him down. "He was tall, toned, and tan of course."

She understood his jokes were for fun but she also knew he used them  
>as a guard and that wasn't something she wanted between them. "So you say he looked like you."<p>

"No," He shook his head as he made the hard decision to be completely open.  
>Within moments he was carefully pulling something out of his wallet; offering it for her to take.<br>"I can't take even half the credit for something so pure."

She was unsure of herself as she looked between him and the photograph and it wasn't  
>until after he stretched out his arm completely that she finally decided it'd be best to take it.<p>

What she saw brought tears to her eyes.  
>It appeared as if he was sleeping, simply resting after an exhausting day.<br>He looked normal; he looked healthy, just like any other napping newborn.  
>He was just how Tony described him, indescribable. "He has your nose."<p>

"Everyone says that" and still he didn't find it amusing. "The nose and toes; that's what he got from me."

"Imagine that nickname in high school." Just the thought of the bullies made her shudder.

With a small chuckle he moved his gaze to her belly.  
>Most days he was filled with guilt and when it wasn't that he found himself frantically trying to chase away resentment.<br>It felt like he was being torn apart and desperately he wanted to make it end.  
>It wasn't their fault and they didn't deserve to be saddled with his pain.<p>

"Tony," She knew she had already asked for too much and he  
>had already revealed plenty but she couldn't help herself. "Who's his mother?"<p>

For a long moment he just stared; as if in disbelief of the question and it made her quite uncomfortable, but just as she was beginning to think she should apologize he broke the silence. "She's an incredible woman."

This was it.  
>If he wanted a chance at the future he was going to have to release the past. "She's stronger than I could ever imagine having to be."<p>

"What happened between you two?" She'd swear her heart would break if he said they split solely for their loss.

"We…" It was a question he still had trouble answering.  
>What had happened to them? "We were head over heels…<br>Until I started hurting her head and she started nipping my heels."

She tried not to show amusement at the remark but didn't quite manage to hide the smirk. "So it fizzled."

He nodded his agreement; it was as good a way to say it as any. "A couple months in and we had reached the breaking point; it was time to call it quits, but then she found out she was pregnant and it changed the game."

"You wanted to try to work it out for the baby?" She could understand that; heck weren't they doing the same?

"She was my best friend and whether I'd like to admit it or not,"  
>It was still painful to acknowledge "we never should have been nothing more."<p>

"Have you kept in touch?" Surely having shared a child, having been best friends, had formed some type of bond.

He turned to face her completely as he answered, "We just had dinner together." There'd be no use in denying it.

You just…" She couldn't finish the thought; her mind too busy racing back a few hours.

"Had dinner with her" Tony finished as he prepared himself for what was to come; might as well go for broke. It's…"

She didn't give him time to finish as she breathed out the name, "Ziva?"  
>With everything she had witnessed she really should have seen this coming. "It's Ziva."<p>

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"Ziva?" He knocked firmly on the door to let his presence be known as he called again, "Ziva, I thought we agreed you were going to stay over at my place tonight." He knew she didn't like leaving the house once she showered; that's why she preferred to do so at night. "Ziva?" The silence that met him had him turning the door handle slightly, wondering if she had heard.

It was only opened a crack before he was met with an ill feeling; there was absolutely no light coming from within.  
>"I'm coming in." Perhaps she was across the hall, in the mists of running a bath.<p>

At least that's what he was hoping, but what he was hearing led him to believe different.  
>There was no thunderous sound of a tub filling, just the patter of water drops rushing down the drain.<p>

With a nervous hand he flipped the light switch on; tension creeping higher as nothing but the shower curtain was seen.  
>"Ziva," dare he say he was almost scared to pull it back "You in here?"<p>

The bulb over the sink illuminated his movements as he drew the curtain back with caution.  
>"Ziva" He dropped to his knees with worry at the sight before him. As far into the corner as possible sat Ziva shivering profusely.<br>"Babe" Her knees were pulled to her chest, head tucked tightly into her arms. "Come on," she shied away from his outstretched hand "let's get you out of there."

Much to his dismay she shook her head no.  
>"Come on," still he coaxed "it's time to get out." He made to grab her arm but she managed to keep just out of his reach.<br>"Ziva please," He knew she wasn't currently in a rational mind set, whichever set that might be, but he also knew he couldn't just leave her like that. "you're scaring me." He was kneeling on the bath mat torn between reasoning with her or physically removing her.

"Ziva" He was trying to stay on her level so she wouldn't feel crowded or over shadowed but it didn't seem to help much.  
>"Let me help you." He offered a hand for support but she simply pushed it away. "Fine" With a huff of disapproval he stood. "If you won't come out than it looks like I'll have to come in." That statement caught him her gaze but he was past caring.<br>In a matter of seconds he had toed his shoes off, uncaring of anything else, as he stepped into the tub.

Cold was an immediate sensation but with a quick adjustment to the temperature it was thankfully remedied.  
>He turned ever so slowly, mindful of slipping in the socks he still wore, to pull the shower's curtain closed before lowering himself to sit beside her in the tub. "You're freezing" Despite the heat of the water now raining down on them he could feel her continued shivers and it had him pulling her close with the hopes of making them subside.<p>

Eventually those shivers turned to shakes, but those shakes soon turned to heartbreaking sobs that had him wrapping his arms around her tightly as he whispered, "What happened?" into a head full of wet hair.

She didn't answer, but then again he hadn't expected her to, instead she curled tighter into his chest.  
>It was almost as if she was trying to climb right inside and hide from the world and oh how he wished he could let her.<br>How he wanted to be the one providing such a safe haven. "Please, …talk to me." Softly he kissed her temple as he began rubbing her back in a gesture he hoped would comfort them both. "Tell me what's wrong."

She lifted her head in what he could only assume was an answer to his plea and for the first time he saw all the pain and anguish in her eyes, the absolute agony that had to be consuming her from the inside out. The blistering tears that ran down her face faster than any droplets the shower could descend upon them. "Ziva," it killed him to witness such a thing, "what happened to you?"

He barely caught the sight of her lip beginning to tremble before she ducked her head into his shoulder, squeezing him tightly as she brokenly murmured, "It's a boy."

No explanation was needed; understanding came just about as quickly as the heartbreak.  
>He ignored the wayward tear that slid down his cheek as he pressed another kiss to her temple.<br>Perhaps if he tried hard enough he could put an end to the wildfire she had been desperately trying to extinguish.  
>Maybe if he held her close enough he could ease that burn; take a piece of that ache for himself.<p>

"It'll be alright" Though his word wouldn't mean half a damn he so badly wanted to assure she'd never feel this way again; swear he'd shoulder all her burdens. "I promise"

For in the very least he could try.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

With a deep breath Tim blew away some extra steam from his coffee mug as he leaned against the doors frame.  
>He couldn't remember the last time he had actually walked completely inside.<br>Still for some reason he found himself in this same position nearly every morning, staring at a big blue showering elephant.

Sometimes he stood there in anger wanting to buy the biggest can of paint he could and rid his life of the whole thing.  
>Other times he stood there in memories, thoughts going so deep and far he usually needed to be pulled from them.<br>Most times though he stood there with sadness, wondering what his son would be up to if he was still alive.

His son.  
>The boy hadn't needed a father, Tony more than happy to fill the role, but somewhere along the way that's what he had started to consider himself.<br>Perhaps it was wrong, that's why he had never openly shared the thought, but it was how he felt.  
>The anticipation and excitement, the fear and worry, the love and adoration; it was that of a father.<p>

He had spent more time loving and learning about Ziva while she was pregnant than he had the entire time  
>they'd known each other. Without question or pause he'd provided them with a home because even if it<br>couldn't be so they were his family. He had vowed to take care of them, of him, by any means necessary and in his mind  
>devotion like that plain and simply meant Isiah was his.<p>

It was after an exasperated sigh that he finally took a sip from his mug.  
>He wasn't the only one that visited this room. Every now and then when he stayed over he would wake to the slightest of creaking, a sound he just knew belonged to that rocker. He'd simply listen to a silence that he somehow recognized as her pain; try to take some of it upon himself when she finally returned to his side.<p>

With an uncaring hand he reached for the door handle; giving the room one last appraising look before pulling the door shut.  
>Today wasn't a day for him to get lost in there, not with how hard it was already going to be.<br>He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to go actually, but Ziva had already said she was and he wouldn't allow her to do so alone.

The thought had him realizing that in order to do that he'd have to get ready, or at least  
>dressed, because he doubted he'd ever be ready for this. Another sigh accompanied him down the hall and to the bedroom.<br>He had every intention of entering until a glance inside changed his mind and he found himself leaning against another door frame.

There Ziva stood beside the bed in a yellow sports bra and navy shorts simply staring at her reflection in the full length mirror.  
>Immediately he saw beauty, complete and utter gorgeousness, but he knew that wasn't what she was seeing.<br>The set in her eyes told him it was more than likely she was seeing something that wasn't quite there and he was pretty sure he knew what.

Though he wouldn't say it was quite self consciously she had watched diligently as her body made the journey back to pre-pregnancy.  
>He himself had watched as almost all of the signs of having been expecting disappeared; the only give away a slight pouch. Nothing more than some skin around her midsection that was left to be tightened and he had a feeling it saddened her. She never said anything but something just seemed to say it for her. He knew he felt it. They had been through a lot in their lives in these last few months, her figure having literally shown it, yet it seemed like they didn't really have anything to show for it at all. Surely she felt like this was just one more thing pushing the past and therefore her son further away.<p>

"You're staring." Ziva's statement brought him out of his thoughts and back to  
>where she was standing with an arm loosely wrapped around the front of her waist.<p>

"I'm sorry," He had two options here; he could let the current mood dominate  
>his actions or he could accept it and change his reactions. "I was just mesmerized by your exquisiteness."<p>

"My exquisiteness?" She looked down at herself in what had to be contemplation but it didn't stop him  
>from seeing the small smile that appeared. He had made the right choice. "Yes, never have I seen something of finer quality."<p>

The teasing in his voice had the smirk growing as she playfully added, "Well I am one of a kind."

"That you are" he agreed as she moved toward him and he straightened from the doors frame.

With a soft kiss in passing she announced, "I'm going to take a shower" leaving him to watch as the bathroom door closed.

That was his cue to make the short journey to the living room where he had dropped a garment bag the night before.  
>You'd think after half a dozen stays he'd have brought over a thing or two, but all that he really kept there was a toothbrush.<br>He just didn't want to intrude on Ziva's space at the moment, or so he told himself.

Without a second thought of it the garment bag was grabbed and he headed back to the bedroom.

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"Wow" Jimmy breathed out as he stepped through the doors of, Charlotte's mother, Stephanie's house.

"Bet you're happy Breena's working now." Abby teased as she followed behind him.  
>The whole way he had been complaining about how this was a girls' event and how in the very least he should be accompanied by his.<p>

"Yeah," His eyes were wide as he took everything in; fancy was surely too plain of a word for this place.  
>Everything from the tile on the floor to the pictures on the walls seemed to sparkle. "Can you imagine what kind of ideas she'd be getting right now?"<p>

"I think I'll send her a picture or two." Abby stated dismissively as they continued toward the backyard where they had been told the event would be held. This place was mighty impressive and it had her wondering what these people did for a living. It was hard to imagine the work you'd have to do to afford this and it had her thinking if one of the four C's wasn't helping pay for it.

"Wow" Jimmy once again breathed as his eyes continued to grow.  
>They had just come to the glass sliding doors that would lead them out into what looked to be something from a movie.<br>It sure wasn't what came to mind when you said backyard.

"You can say that again" Abby offered herself as she took in the sight.  
>There was a cozy party tent off to the side that had nothing but tables and chairs underneath. A massive swimming pool in front of them that had a variety of pastel colored balloons floating on top of it. Then to the other side held a more patio type of space that held a few strategically placed chairs and a few loungers accompanied by a few side tables all underneath what had to be an iron framed canopy.<p>

More and more the four C's were coming to mind.  
>Celebrities…<br>Cash Cows…  
>Crooks…<br>And criminals…. Theories were beginning to arise on which one had provided the maid that had opened the door for them.

"Wow" Jimmy unwittingly succumbed to what hadn't really been a request.  
>"Maybe you should take pictures." He didn't think he'd be able to describe this to Breena in a thousand years time.<p>

"I think I will." Abby agreed as she turned to place her bag on what she'd know to be the gifts table even if it wasn't labeled as such.

"How early are we Abby?" Everywhere he looked there were blue and white decorations, tons upon tons of them, but that was all he was seeing.

"I don't like to miss anything." She all but defended as she decided to explore.  
>After all being first meant she got to see things how they were meant to be and not how they were left once people got to rearranging.<p>

"That early huh?" He wasn't all that thrilled with it but he decided to make the best of it  
>by finding himself the best seat in the place; it looked like he'd be sitting there a good while.<p>

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"What did I miss?" Gibbs asked as he swiftly ducked into a chair beside Ducky.

"Why everything Jethro," he spoke lightheartedly as he turned his gaze to the man at his right; he knew Gibbs already had such knowledge. "So, what are you doing here?"

A slightly sly smirk lit his face as he looked over to where he could barely see Tony. The others were easier to spot being only a few seats ahead of them; apparently the whole set up was more production than party. "Ziva asked me to bring something for her."

"Ahh" Ducky nodded at the explanation.  
>He knew what ever had gotten Jethro to such an event would need impeccable reasoning.<p>

"I thought these things were supposed to be cake and presents with a few girlfriends." By his count there were a few dozen people in attendance.  
>Definitely more than necessary for the luncheon Charlotte had said she planned on talking her mother into.<p>

"Traditionally speaking, but then traditions have changed."  
>He'd be lying if he said he hadn't been astounded when he'd first arrived too. "You and I are sitting here after all."<p>

"Hold that thought Duck." Gibbs spoke distantly as he stood from his chair, gaze wandering.

Ducky simply followed it; his sights eventually catching on another familiar face that had risen.  
>It wasn't long before he lost track of him, nor was it much longer before Jethro was leaving his side without another word.<br>No matter, he'd just go slither into that newly vacant spot between his friends.

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"McGee" Gibbs announced his presence as he sat beside the man on one of the front porch's circular steps.

"Boss" Tim barely acknowledged as he kept his gaze on fingers that were anxiously wringing around each other.

"You're missin' the party." And if anything it was a nice day for one; just enough warmth  
>still left in the air to stop the chill of fall from being carried along on the breeze.<p>

With a shrug Tim stated, "I just needed to slip out for a second."

"You've been doing that a lot lately." Gibbs furthered his meaning when all he received was a questioning gaze, "When she showed with lunch at the office, when she complimented Ducky at dinner, right now in the middle of her announcement."

"I just…" A lack of words and growing frustration had him stopping before he'd even formed an answer.

"Don't like her." Gibbs suggested simply.

"I never said that." McGee was quick to defend. "I mean she's a nice enough girl and all."

"But?" It didn't really need to be voiced but he did so anyway to insure Tim wouldn't be backing out of it.

"It's hard to see her ya know," Tim turned to confide in the only person he truly could with such a subject.  
>"Watching them, seeing how happy she seems to be making Tony… it's difficult when we're still feeling miserable."<p>

"We're?" There was something about the way McGee said that word that had him questioning it; it'd seemed almost intimate.

"Yeah" Tim nodded as he stared directly into an inquiring gaze, "You, me, Abby and the guys, Ziva."

"They seem to be going about it pretty well." As for himself; he'd rather not share.

"Seem being the operative word." Not for one second would he believe Gibbs as naïve as he was claiming to be.

"It's been a rough couple of months for us all… and that includes DiNozzo." Easily he could be angry with the man but it wouldn't do him one bit of good. It wouldn't change the fact that he had broken a major rule, nor would it change the tragedy that had come from it, and it certainly wouldn't stop this latest ordeal. Plus, what was left of a mending team would surely combust if he added any heat to the tension Tony and Tim had spread throughout the office.

"Which is why sometimes I just need to take that step back." For some reason he was feeling as if he needed to defend himself. "Me disappearing for a while to get my head together is a lot better than me having a bad mood or attitude and at the end of it he doesn't even realize I'm gone so…" He shrugged as he tried to think of how he wanted to finish.

"When's the last time you two actually talked?" He knew it didn't happen at work; dialogue there was forced with odd gazes in between.

"That's a confrontation neither of us is ready to have." He spoke matter of factly as he fiddled with a loose thread in the seam of his pants.

"And why is that?" There were definitely undertones here; he just had to find them.

"Because I'm not sorry for what I said and I know he isn't either." Once more those icy blue eyes were searching, piercing even, the look in them keeping him talking. "Besides I'm not ready to forgive him for what he did to Ziva, she shouldn't have to be alone with this but that's how he left her."

"She's not alone Tim," Suddenly an understanding hit but unfortunately it didn't bring much light with it. Though he couldn't name, let alone describe it, there was just one of those feelings. "She's got me," He squeezed McGee's shoulder as he stood. "and if I'm not mistaken she's got you too."

Tim simply stared at Gibbs' retreating form as he pondered those words.  
>Perhaps it had been an acknowledgement, maybe a suspicion, but it didn't matter.<br>Whether Gibbs knew what he had been suggesting or not it had been true; Ziva could count on him.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"I'm glad you came." Charlotte spoke gratefully to Ziva who was sitting comfortably beside her.

A few hours had passed since the start of this event and most people had long since disappeared.  
>Including Tony who had left a few minutes ago on Gibbs' insistence to help unload something from his truck.<p>

"Why would I not come; every child is worth celebrating no?" Ziva spoke sincerely as she watched Jimmy sneak another piece of cake from a few feet away. She smiled slightly with amusement when she realized, it must have been his fourth.

"I just thought that maybe…" Suddenly she was out of words and it felt like she had stuck her foot in her mouth.

An awkward pause had Ziva asking, "Tony has told you hasn't he?"

"I'm sorry" Charlotte apologized as she ducked her head.

"It was no more your fault than it was anyone else's, there's nothing to be sorry for." Though it had taken her awhile she could proudly say that she had finally gotten past the blame.

"Still I am." It was something that was so heartbreaking she couldn't help but being sympathetic to it.

"I appreciate that." Ziva spoke quietly as she nodded her thanks.

After a moment of thought filled silence Charlotte broke it. "I never expected this day to be so…"

"Overwhelming?" Ziva suggested as she turned her attention back to the soft spoken woman.

"That's definitely one way of putting it." Charlotte looked over what had not too long ago been a crowded space. "Even knowing how lavish mom and Jessica like things I wasn't expecting all of this."

"Well at least you know they care." Learning that Charlotte came from such a well off family only seemed to highlight her simplicity and humbleness.  
>She certainly wasn't the kind of woman you thought of when speaking of money.<p>

"Yeah"

She might have heard a sigh from Charlotte but it wasn't her place to ask. "I think Abby hit it off with your friend Jessica pretty well."

"Excuse my saying it but they are two equally insane peas that never had a chance of fitting into that pod." Charlotte smirked as Ziva laughed.

"I must admit that I wasn't expecting Jessica to be quite so exuberant when I met her." Ziva shared as she distantly wondered where the pair had gotten off to.

"Now you know what I was thinking when I met Abby. Jessica immediately popped to mind and I was just floored; like no way can there be two of them." She still didn't know how she was going to deal with balancing both kinds of crazy in her life.

"Eventually you will become accustomed." Ziva assured.

"I've got a lot of things to start getting used to." Unintentionally she moved a hand over her stomach as she rearranged on the patio bench they were sharing. Discomfort seemed to be growing stronger as the days passed.

"You're in your sixth month correct?" Ziva found herself asking as she turned her gaze to one very pregnant woman.

"Twenty six weeks and counting." Something about the way Ziva hummed her agreement had her asking, "Do you remember that time?"

"It was Christmas time," She spoke distantly as her mind took her back to what had been a frigid December. "and we had just learned that we were going to have a little boy." She didn't let her mind drift to Christmas itself, her feeling angry and alone, which had been a few days later. "Over all it was just an exhausting and emotional month."

"That's what I'm scared of." Charlotte spoke shamelessly. "It seems like each night sleep keeps on getting a little bit further away."

"It does…" Ziva spoke almost fondly as bittersweet memories resurfaced. "But remember to focus on yourself and not so much the day; it'll make for an easier time and a greater memory. Simply relax and enjoy every moment you're granted with such a blessing."

"I'll do my best." With advice like that she couldn't help but agree; not when it was coming from someone with experience.

"Have you and Tony discussed what you will name the child." Ziva switched to what she felt was a safer topic.

"Not even a little bit." Charlotte shook her head. "Do you have any ideas on how to go about that?" She supposed most women would want to shy away from Ziva given her past with Tony, but somehow that very reason seemed to pull her closer.

"Even if I did have a suggestion I'd be the first in line to tell you not to take it." Ziva laughed despite herself.

"And why is that?" Charlotte found herself wanting to be enlightened on the joke.

"Once more, it was about the same time in December when we had that conversation and that was the last disagreement we had before going our separate ways." In no way would she say it was funny but it held a hint of humor; like when you'd finally accept your mistakes enough to laugh at them.

Charlotte just smiled slightly as she confirmed, "I'm sure I'll figure out something." It was inspiring to listen to Ziva speak in such a way. Honestly if she even thought about putting herself in Ziva's shoes she was reduced to a sniveling heap, she didn't think she'd have ever left that position had it been her, and for that she admired the woman. "But what's really got me nervous is the third trimester."

Ziva couldn't help but chuckle slightly at the actual fear in Charlotte's eyes.  
>It reminded her of an assurance from Ducky, 'You'll see when you hold him for the first time though… that fear only multiplies.' Though it hadn't been in the way anyone would've imagined those words suddenly rang very true.<p>

"Some of the stories my Aunt's have told me are horrific, especially about the last couple of weeks." At first she had thought they were mere tales to scare a teenage girl away from any thoughts of pregnancy, but even now with her being grown and very much pregnant they swore by them.

"That I wouldn't know." Ziva spoke factually as she glanced over to where Tim had resurfaced with Jimmy.  
>Upon looking back though she was met with an inquisitive gaze that had her furthering, "I went into labor at 34 weeks."<p>

"My God," Tony certainly hadn't shared that tidbit. "and they couldn't stop it?" She knew for fact that more than a few beds in the hospital belonged to women that were having trouble holding off preterm labor.

"I had virtually no amniotic fluid and had progressed past the point of return; delivery had become the only option." The first question out of her mouth had also been if there was any way they could stop it. "My son was born seventeen hours after I arrived at that hospital."

Both PPROM and Stillbirth came to mind but she didn't plan on following that line of thought.  
>No matter what had happened or what you called it, it didn't change the fact that Ziva had lost her little boy. "May I just say he's a handsome little boy, every bit as beautiful as his mother."<p>

Ziva looked over to Charlotte with a hesitant but none the less grateful smile.  
>She had heard nearly the same exact words from each of her friends but they seemed to mean just a little bit more coming from this woman. "Thank you"<p>

"You're welcome" Charlotte returned the smile in what she hoped would be a sign of support.

"Hey Zee!" Tony's shout turned their attention to those sliding glass doors. "You think you could have gotten a heavier present?"

"You really didn't have to get us anything." Charlotte nearly admonished as she watched Tony struggle with a solid looking box; he could barely get his arms around it and she'd say it stood at least three and a half feet tall.

"It's been sitting in the basement for a while now and I really have no use for it so I figured why not pass it along instead of leaving it to waste." Ziva shrugged as she watched Jimmy, who had taken pity on Tony mere seconds ago, help bring the box in their direction. McGee simply laughing at the way they fumbled over such a task.

"So what's in it my lovely ninja?" Tony asked when he finally got the box settled in front of the two women.  
>Gibbs hadn't helped past getting it off the truck and it hadn't been an easy task; especially not while wearing his Sunday best.<p>

"Well seeing as that isn't the first time you've carried it you should know." Ziva answered simply as she stared at the plain white box complete with a severely flattened blue bow.

For a moment he looked between Ziva and the box, then over to Charlotte and back to the box before suddenly something dawned on him and he was shaking his head. "No, no Ziva that's… no…"

"It was meant for your son and this way your son will get to use it." It was what she wanted and she wouldn't let his opinion change that.

"Ziva I…" He was still shaking his head even as he spoke. It just didn't feel right to him.

"What is it?" Charlotte couldn't help but ask as she watched the scene unfold.  
>Whatever it was Tony obviously felt strongly about it.<p>

"Do you know?" Jimmy whispered to McGee from a few feet back.  
>Respect told him to leave but curiosity told him to stay.<p>

"Not a clue." Tim shook his head as he watched those three.  
>He hadn't known Ziva had planned on giving them anything; she sure hadn't told him about it.<p>

"Well go on and open it Tony!" Charlotte admonished; it would be rude not to.

"It is a gift after all." Ziva pushed further.

She knew he had something else he wanted to say but he stayed quiet as he followed a seam that soon had him exposing another box.

"Aww… it's a buggy!" Charlotte beamed as she stood in an attempt to further inspect the stroller's box. "It's adorable Ziva."

"The matching carseat is yours if you'd like it." She didn't miss the look Tim gave her as he excused himself; she just knew they'd be sharing words before the nights end.

"Are you sure?" Charlotte questioned seriously as she ignored the heated stare coming from Tony.  
>This was a huge gift and it had to have been a hard decision for Ziva to make.<p>

"Of course I am." Ziva stood as she decided it best to wrap things up.  
>Though it was unintentional she knew she had created waves between the two of them and the sooner she left the sooner those could be fixed.<p>

"Thank you" Charlotte surprised her with a hug but soon enough she was returning it, if just slightly. "It means a lot to me and I really do appreciate it."

"You are welcome." Ziva spoke truthfully as she pulled back. "Tony" With absolutely no worry she gave him a soft kiss to the cheek. "I will see you on Monday." She couldn't help the humor that washed over her features as she walked over to Palmer who was carefully eyeing what was left of the cake. "Let's go Jimmy." She slid her arm through his as she steered him to the door; he certainly didn't need any more cake.

Besides she needed to find Tim, they had a few freshly formed bumps of their own that needed to be smoothed over.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Not sure how but we ended up with a little boys vs girls there at the end :)  
>Any ideas for next chapter? I'm more than open to them right now.<strong>

**Anyway, thanks for R/R, faving and all that other fun stuff it's much appreciated!**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: It's been too long, but you've all been extra patient so I put (what I think is) a little something special in this chapter.  
>Let me know whatcha think :)<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Twenty-Four<strong>

"You're mad." Ziva stated simply as she stood directly behind where Tim was sitting on the sofa.  
>He hadn't spoken a word to her since she'd returned from the shower and she couldn't take the silence any longer.<p>

"I'm not mad." though his tone wasn't very convincing.

"Well then," She squeezed his shoulder slightly before walking around to join him on the couch. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing" He thought it should have been obvious that he didn't want to talk about it.

"This is about the gift I gave to Charlotte, is it not?" She couldn't figure anything else since they had been fine mere moments before that.

"It isn't about the stroller." Tim sighed as he turned his gaze to meet hers. "It's just…" For their sake he'd try. "I don't understand how you can accept things so easily. I can't do that, I need time to process it and decide how I feel about it first."

"My entire life has been made up of split second decisions." She shrugged as the weight of this upcoming conversation fell to her shoulders. "Sometimes there is not time for examining things further. Sometimes it has to be as simple as yes or no, right or wrong, with or without. Yet other times still it can be as basic and complicated as do or die. Life is a string of choices and we each are left to make our own."

"It hurts." Tim confessed as he let the meaning of her words truly sink in. "Being around them is actually painful some days. And I just get so angry that I literally want to yell and scream at him but then I feel guilty because he doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve it, yet I still feel that way which makes me want to scream at him all over again for bringing her into the picture. And I'm trying to deal with it but it isn't working and…" He couldn't help the urge to rub his hands over his face in frustration. "I'm losing my best friend."

"You're not losing him, you just need to talk with him and let him know how you feel; listen to him in return." She placed her hand over his in what she hoped was a comforting motion. She'd been trying to get the two of them to speak since right after their argument.

"I don't know Ziva," Even as he said it he shook his head in disagreement. "Every time we're together I see red." He felt betrayed.

"I too am visited by anger quite often," Sometimes she felt like if let loose she could beat the world itself into oblivion. "But the trick is to find something still more powerful than it. Hold onto that for all you are worth and eventually the anger will fade."

"What do you hold onto?" He flipped his hand to grip hers as he wondered what  
>would be strong enough to pull her from something that seemed to nearly consume him.<p>

"You," There was hesitance even as she said it. "And the knowledge that even at the worst of times good can come; we are proof enough of that."

"Do you think things would have gone differently between us if Charlotte hadn't showed?"  
>Never before had he been given the love or attention Ziva seemed to constantly offer.<p>

"I think that whether it be getting us together or giving life to my son's brother, that she was put into our lives for a reason."  
>She honestly didn't know how things would have turned out had Charlotte not come into their world.<br>"She's here and I choose to accept that because at the moment that is the only thing I can do.  
>She won't be leaving and I'll only hurt myself if I fill my heart with hate for her and an innocent child so instead I try to love them as much as I can."<p>

A guilty feeling spread over him as admiration for her doubled within. "You know that I love you right?"

With the hopes that he would try to amend the demons within she fully settled  
>herself onto the sofa, snuggling into his side as she let the subject drop. "As do I Tim."<p>

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**29** **Weeks Pregnant**

The night was growing long and her eyes tired.  
>Not to mention the chill that was starting to pick up in the air.<br>These were not facts that slipped Tony's attention, yet the glee that relit her face every time a child enthusiastically approached kept him quite.

"I think we're running out of candy." Charlotte adjusted her position on the stoop as she did the same with the cat ears on her head.

"I've got more in the car if we need it." Tony shrugged as he leaned up against the railing to her building.

"Why'd you keep trick-or-treat candy in the car?" It wasn't doing anybody any use in there.

"I didn't keep 'trick-or-treat' candy in the car. I kept 'just in case Charlotte gets a weird notion for chocolate at two in the morning again' candy in the car. It just so happens to have a double purpose tonight." After too many trips to the one 24hr place within 10 miles of him he had learned to have a few things stocked here and there.

"That was one time. And I didn't even ask for it!" She didn't like feeling like she had put him out of his way.

"You said you wanted chocolate, so chocolate is what you got." He tried his best to be good to her. "You know all you have to do is ask."

"I know." She beamed as a pirate approached them, though some of the gleam behind it had to do with how well he was indeed treating her.

"You be safe," Tony called to the retreating form, treats having been safely tucked away, as he adjusted his NCIS cap.  
>"And I better not here about any incidents with walking the plank tomorrow!"<p>

With a light chuckle Charlotte spoke, "And here you actually had me believing that you hated Halloween."

He really had, but he shrugged as he realized, "Maybe it just depends on how you spend it."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-  
><strong>33 Weeks Pregnant<strong>

"I'd say it's time for a toast, but given the circumstances I thought perhaps we'd follow closer to the holiday tradition this year and each state what we are thankful for." Ducky spoke just as his guests of the evening all but finished situating their plates.

"Oooh" Abby voiced excitedly as she straightened up in her chair. "I'll go first!"  
>Smoothing out her crimson dress, complete with skull buttons, she began, "I'm thankful for my family and being able to work with them every day. I'm thankful that that work lets us help others. I'm thankful that Sister Mary Catharine has gotten lucky in the lanes and I'm especially thankful for all of our health and happiness."<p>

Immediately her eyes fell to Tony who was on her right, as did everyone else's, after a few last quirked brows drifted her way.

"Well geeze Abs, I think you just about covered it." It was safe to say she seemed pretty thankful for her life.

"Nonsense Tony," Ziva chastised from across the table. "There are plenty of things to be thankful for."

"Well can I at least get a minute to think of one of them." He hinted with a tad of conviction and a ton of charm.

"Tony!"

An echoed female reprimand in either ear had him relenting, "Alright, I'm thankful for…" But what was he thankful for? "Friends… that are both understanding and forgiving even when I don't deserve it."

"Awww!" Abby couldn't help herself.

Even though she did notice the gazes being exchanged across the table Charlotte didn't let attention drift to them as she took her turn. "Well I'm thankful that you've all been nice enough to let me join in on this life you've built together. I appreciate you sharing these moments with me."

"And I'm thankful for good grub that I didn't have to cook." Gibbs tossed in his two cents just as quick as he could, probably with the sole thought of getting it over with in mind.

"Spot on Jethro!" Ducky laughed from his spot at the head of the table, wishing he could claim the same.

"I for one am thankful for fine wine and finer company." No one could see the hand Ziva squeezed just a little bit tighter as she kept it simple.  
>Though they all witnessed the smile that brightened as that hand squeezed back, resting both of theirs on a slack covered thigh.<p>

"It's your turn Tim." Abby announced as she stared absently at his tie, it coincidently matched the shade of Ziva's emerald dress perfectly.

"Okay" His gaze turned serious as he looked over to Charlotte and Tony.  
>"I'm thankful for the newest additions to our little family and the happiness they have brought to a man I truly consider my brother." He only hoped it would amend some of his mistakes. "And though they didn't come in a way any of us would have expected I am truly thankful for new beginnings."<p>

He had offered an olive branch and for that Ziva was proud of him.  
>With a knowing smile in his direction she lifted her glass of wine declaring, "To new beginnings."<p>

Gibbs and Ducky shared a moment of pondering even as everyone lifted their glasses echoing, "To new beginnings!"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

**36 Weeks Pregnant**

"How is he?" Frantic was a safe description of how Charlotte entered the waiting room.

"There's no news on either of them yet." McGee offered as he stood to meet her.

"You called me twenty minutes ago! How is there no news?" Every minute it had taken her to get there had been agonizingly teasing.

"Why don't you sit down and try to calm yourself." Even as he said it he tried directing her to a chair but she wasn't having it.

"Calm myself! They were in an explosion for Christ's sake!" Just the thought had  
>her very core shaken; her fleece coat useless to protect her from those kinds of shivers.<p>

"They weren't in it they were near it." Which was currently the only difference between life and what would have been their death. "Now I understand that you're worried but you've got to calm down; the stress isn't good for you or the baby." Not to mention he wasn't good with hysterics.

"The baby's fine, he's not." Her previous career had definitely opened her eyes to a  
>variety of injuries, but it had in no way prepared her to expect such calls about loved ones.<p>

"Charlotte! He'll be fine." McGee made sure he was strict, though trying not to come off as mean.  
>"But if either of them finds out I let you get all worked up they'll have my head."<p>

"I'm sorry I just…"

"I know." He sat down and she thankfully followed suit.

"He's been at my feet nonstop, not even taking the time to breathe, for the last two  
>weeks now and when he finally leaves them this happens." Her heart was pounding with fear.<p>

"He's just worried… hell we all are. This baby means more than I could ever explain and if anything should happen to him it would destroy them." He didn't even want to imagine what it would do to him.

"He thinks I'll have the same fate as Ziva." Suddenly it dawned on her that she had just barely passed a time in her pregnancy that had previously brought Tony a world of pain, she couldn't even fathom how such a thing had slipped her mind.

"He's just being cautious." And he had to admit that if he were in such a situation he'd be just as bad, if not worse.  
>Heck, he'd probably be resisting the urge to tie her to a chair right about now. "A healthy happy baby will be a great way to start the new year."<p>

"What was it like when Ziva gave birth?" Anything to distract herself from worry.

"Warm… everyone was trying to steal themselves a piece of free time to enjoy it." It was a taste of summer in what should've been an icy cold week.

"Why do you say that like it's a strange thing?" Who didn't want to have a nice day free?

"It was February." And oh how quickly things had gotten frigid.

"It bothers you to talk about it." She stated as she watched the discomfort settle in his eyes.

"It wasn't an easy time to go through." Tim shrugged as he tried to keep the subject at a distance.

"You loved him." She could hear it in his words.

"I did." So much for keeping distance.

"You love her too." May he excuse her if she was off but that was what was currently written all over his face.

"I…" He was shocked by such a statement, so much so that he didn't know what to say.

"Agent McGee?"

He was definitely relieved when his name was called; the doctor currently looking for him sure had nice timing. "That would be me."

"I have some information for you."

:-) T-O-N-Y (-:

"Tony?" Charlotte immediately called out, not caring that she had barely gotten the door to his hospital room opened.

"In here!" He spoke from what she could only assume was the bathroom; he proved her right a second later by walking out of it.

"What happened to you?" She immediately noticed the bandages on his right arm that led to a brace on his hand.

"It's just a couple of scrapes." He shrugged as he moved closer.

"And your hand? Last time I checked a couple of scrapes didn't need to be braced." She crossed her arms over a very protruding belly.

"This here is my get out of paperwork for free card."

"That's not funny." But still his smirk lightened her heart. "You had me scared."  
>Just the thought of her son never getting to know his father killed her.<p>

"I'm sorry babe." Even as he said it he pulled her into a hug kissing her temple softly.

Such a gesture let her know that he really was and it had her holding on tight. It wasn't often that he was unguarded enough to let her this close but she had hope that she could worm her way in yet. "So when can you go home?"

"They were talking about me spending the night for observation but we just might get them to change their minds if they find out that I have my own personal nurse at home." There was more than a little hint in his voice as he moved his left hand to rub a comforting pattern on the underside of her belly.

She gave him a soft kiss with a slight smile promising, "I'll see what I can do."

-_-Z-I-V-A-_-

"Hey pretty girl," Tim finally spoke from his seat beside her bed. "Wake up." The doctor hadn't had much to say but what he had was unsettling. "Let me see those eyes." He had only now decided to disturb her, having taken a long moment to just process and let her rest. "Come on Ziva."

With a sleepiness that could only be drug induced she slowly began to stir. "Come on, I know you can do it."

Eventually she slid her eyes open but they were so heavy that they wanted to simply droop back down.  
>Still she fought them to get a good look at who it was that wanted her attention so. "Ahava?"<p>

With an emotion filled smile Tim nodded his head as he kissed the knuckles within his grasp. "I'm here baby, I'm right here."

"What's wrong?" Her face felt oddly numb but it was the expression on his that had her worried. "You look upset."

"I've been all kinds of worried Ziva." Not to mention he had Abby bugging him every two minutes for updates, though she was keeping him informed on what Gibbs' proceedings might be. The last thing he wanted was Gibbs doing something that would jeopardize his freedom in any way.

"What happened?" She began to rub at her temple but immediately pulled her hand away at the pain that pressure caused.

"Erik got the upper hand on us." He winced in sympathy for her as he watched her all but rip her hand away from her face. The whole left side of her face was swollen and bruised, a hematoma casually spreading on her skull. "Had his fuse been just a little bit longer you would've died today."

"Still I am here." The fear she heard in those words had her reassuring him that she was indeed still alive.

"As it is the CSI's say had you been even a foot further to the right you'd be in the burn unit right now." Just the thought scared the hell out of him.

"Which I am not." She couldn't remember if there was ever a time she had seen him this terrified; she didn't like it. "I will be fine Tim."

"Meaning in a couple of weeks!" She certainly wasn't fine now and he didn't like it even a tiny bit. "But in the meantime I've got to watch you suffer through a burned leg, broken ribs, and a concussion."

"It will heal, I will heal." She tried her best to sooth as she adjusted her hand to grip his.

"I could've lost you." Just the thought of it had his eyes burning.  
>"And the worst part of it is knowing that no one would've understood how much I had actually lost."<p>

"As long as you still have a place within that holds my name you will never truly lose me." She wouldn't swear to be around forever for the plain and simple fact that she knew it wasn't a truth she could keep.

"Then let me make you mine." They had only been dating for a couple of months but that little fact didn't bother him at all.

"Tim, what are you saying?" She couldn't tell if it was nerves or fear that began creeping into her throat.

"I've known you for years and loved you for about half of them. You mean everything to me and I don't want to be stuck in the shadows if something like this should happen again. I want to be able to speak on your behalf and I want to have a free voice when it comes to us, anyone and everyone else be damned if they don't like it." He really hoped that she couldn't see how anxious he actually was.

"Timothy?" She couldn't help but look on with enormous eyes.  
>She could feel her pulse throbbing nearly as quickly as her head.<p>

"Ziva," He took her other hand in his, feeling how it slightly shook, squeezing it in an offer of comfort.  
>There were only two ways this could go and he figured it was about time he played the odds. "Marry me."<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: So I got lost for almost an entire year (kidnapped by aliens; the whole year that never was deal) but I'm back now and so is this story.**

**Actually, this was one of the only stories I had just about finished but then my computer crashed, burned, and**  
><strong>died along with all my hard work so I've been forced to start over.<strong>  
><strong>Regular posting is clearly non-existent (Impossible when your day is as full as mine) but I will finish this.<strong>

**To all the readers (I'm not sure how many of you are left) I appreciate your support and understanding and I'm sorry for such a delay.**  
><strong>-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-<strong>

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

**CHRISTMAS EVE**

"I don't want to get up ever." Tony groaned as he stretched out beside Charlotte who wasn't very awake herself.

"I can't imagine why not." She barely mumbled; the TV they had fallen asleep to still playing softly in the background.

"Because it's Christmas Eve and this bed is warm." Tony sighed out with childlike annoyance as Charlotte scooted closer, whispering, "And?"

"And it's Christmas Eve." He stressed. "All the family is getting together, most of them haven't seen each other  
>in months, and they've had all that time to stew over the bad behavior and stained carpet from last year's get together."<br>With some of the calls he had answered over the years it was safe to say, "Those kinds of conditions bring out the mother load of crazies.""Well they're justgonna have to find a way to stay sane today because you are not available to help them."

"I'm not?" Tony quirked a brow at what almost sounded like a warning in her voice.

"Nope" Charlotte shook her head no as she pulled the covers just a little tighter under her chin. "You, I, and the little guy have other plans."

"Oh really?" Tony's question got nothing more than a raised brow so he furthered, "Like what?"

With a devilishly wicked smile she promised, "You'll see."

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"Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!" Abby all but cheered as she bound over to them.

"You are welcome Abby." Ziva assured as she was wrapped in a, too tight for the injuries she had so recently collected, hug. **  
><strong>

"Easy Abby" Tim warned as he caught a slight flinch from Ziva; she was still on  
>medical leave and it was only because of her stubborn persistence that she was here now.<p>

"Sorry" Abby pulled back apologetically.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." Ziva swore, sending a stern look in Tim's direction as she asked, "So how can we help?"

"Well for starters there are tables to be bused, plates to be fixed, and cups to be filled." Abby began speaking as  
>she started back through the dining hall, the other two following automatically. "The sisters might need some help<br>in the kitchen too; last years' turnout was nothing compared to this." The amount of diners alone had their meager "staff" overwhelmed.

"I'll start on clearing the tables." Tim announced quickly; more than willing to take  
>the most tedious task for himself so Ziva wouldn't even think about over exerting herself.<p>

"Then I suppose I will go and find the coffee pot with my name in it." Ziva stated simply as she moved  
>to find the refreshments table; leaving Tim and Abby in slight amusement and a bit of confusion.<p>

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"This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when you said we had other plans." Tony groaned behind a ridiculously over stuffed grocery cart.

"Which is exactly why I didn't tell you what those plans were." She offered as she smelled some fresh mint.

"But a dinner party Charlotte? No offense but I'm not exactly host material and I didn't think you were the kind of girl that liked playing hostess." They were in for some serious trouble if she expected him to put on his best every holiday and mingle like all the other uptight hypocrites.

"I know, I know," Charlotte swore. "But you don't know my parents the way I do." She dropped the mint back down as she moved to his side. "One stuffy dinner party tonight means they'll leave us alone tomorrow and if it goes good enough they might even stay off of our toes for the next few months."

"Just one?" Tony prodded as he mulled over her reasoning.  
>Her parents were suspicious of him and the fact that he'd been virtually imaginary until a few months ago when Charlotte, not so smoothly, mentioned him and their grandchild in the same sentence. She clearly didn't want them to know the exact circumstances in which things happened and he was okay with that seeing as he was less than proud of them.<p>

"Just one," He was clearly on the edge of a decision; one she couldn't help but guide along with the largest of pouts. "I promise."

"Alright" He surrendered.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" She gave him the biggest hug her protruding belly would allow.

"It's nothing" At least it was nothing he could resist.  
>He couldn't very well tell her no when she was all but begging. "Let's just get this over with."<p>

With a sigh she moved back to the mint, she'd work on his attitude later.

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"What do you think you're doing!"

Ziva stopped in startle as she answered, "Tossing out the trash?"

Within seconds McGee was pulling the trash bags from her hands and chastising, "With broken ribs Ziva" as he tossed them in the dumpster.

"Tim it is my ribs that are broken not my arms or legs!" She defended as she leaned against the alley's brick wall.

"Ziva," Her annoyance was clear but he just couldn't help himself. "I know I've been driving you up the wall and I'm sorry for that but I just don't want you straining yourself is all."

"If I begin to feel overwrought or strained in any way you'll be the first to know alright.  
>But until then could you please just give me the space to breathe without worrying that the way in which I've done it will upset you."<p>

"Have I really been that bad?" He cringed at the thought as he rubbed his snow dampened palms down his jeans. He really should have grabbed his gloves.

"Just a little" she offered slyly as she tried to save him some embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, I just… I…"

"I know" Ziva assured earnestly. "It's been a stressful time for everyone as of late but let's not forget what time of year it is.  
>Tis it not the season of gratitude and selflessness?"<p>

"It is" Timothy agreed as he moved closer to Ziva.  
>He couldn't help but wonder if the chill of December's air got to her the same way it was getting to him. "But it's also a time of giving."<p>

"Hinting at presents are we?" She teased as she tucked her hands under her arms.

"Actually," Tim stressed as he unzipped his coat enough to reach into his shirts pocket. "Since you mentioned it I do have something I want to give you."

"Timothy please don't." She wasn't sure if her heart was closer to stopping or exploding.

"No Ziva," His mind was set and he was going to make himself heard. "A little while ago I asked you something which you've yet to answer and I've been thinking about it a lot since then. I've come to realize that maybe you haven't replied because instead of questioning I stated it so here is me reiterating." Without hesitation he went down on bended knee into a slushy pile of snow. "Ziva will you- And it's not because I believe in some ridiculous ideals because I don't. And it's not because I want to demonstrate my masculinity or any machoistic crap either because we both know you could take me on your worst day. Hell, it's not even because I want to tell the rest of the world your mine though I really kind of do." Her slight chuckle calmed some of his shaking nerves. "It's just because I want you. Not the unrealistic illusion of some kind of happily ever after or a forever together. All I want is a promise from you, to promise to you that what we have we won't let go of easily. I want to swear to God and to whomever else that'll listen that I love you and that I'll stick around and do my damnedest to make things work even when times get rough." He couldn't help but pause as her stare all but pierced him. "Ziva, I'm not expecting some huge change from you. For all I care you'll never do the laundry and we'll only ever eat take out." She didn't even blink and it had his nerves racing once more. "All I want is to hear you promise that you won't give up on me either. So Ziva," With nearly numb fingers he opened a little blue box. "Will you marry me?"

"Tim I…" His speech wowed her. Never before had someone proposed to her without  
>the thought that it would be a fix all, get out of jail for free card. "I don't know what to say."<p>

His heart sunk a little as he suggested, "How about yes?"

"No" Immediately she watched his face fall. "I mean I'm not saying no I just…"

"You just aren't saying yes." He relented as he stood.

"I…" For about two weeks she'd been mulling over this question yet she still couldn't find herself with words to answer. "I'll do it Tim."

"You'll do it?" He was beyond skeptical. "Ziva, this isn't one of those things you compromise on. I don't want to feel like you're taking one for the team; I'd rather not get married at all then feel like you did it out of guilt, or duty, or even pity."

"It wouldn't be pity." That she could assure. "I'm just… scared I guess."

"About?" He absently tucked the jewelry box back into his pocket.

"Everything you just said that wouldn't happen." It sounded silly even to her.

"And it won't. I don't have any preconceived notions that I want to force you into. I just want you," He sighed as he took note of his freezing leg. "which is exactly why I'll give you more time to think about this without feeling rushed or obligated." He offered a slight smile as he assured, "No matter the answer I'll be here."

His words rang through her ears until he was gone from her sight, a closing door announcing his departure.  
>What was she doing?<p>

Before long she was opening that very door and entering the back hall where she could still see him walking a few feet away. "Tim!"  
>He didn't turn around immediately but when she was sure that he was going to she slowed her pace.<p>

What was she doing?  
>Her heart was racing nearly as much as her mind.<br>Change was inevitable and no matter how hard he assured otherwise things were going to change.  
>She had to tell him this; explain her reasoning as to why.<br>She couldn't go on like this; not when every day she dragged it out hurt him a little more.  
>She just had to be honest to him and herself once and for all.<p>

"Ziva?"

Suddenly she was next to him and that alone scared her. "Timothy"

He had no clue what to say; there was nothing left on the subject and her gaze let him know that she was definitely going to be mentioning 'The Subject'. But he didn't let her know that. Instead he'd play dumb, "What's up?"

Words were lost on her.  
>In a time when she needed them most they betrayed her and she feared that he'd do the same.<br>Her fears always seemed to get the best of her but she presumed it was because they were few and always founded.

"Ziva? Are you okay?" She looked like she was ready to cry, or punch him, he wasn't absolutely certain.

She nodded though she knew she wouldn't be in a moment, "Timothy?"

The full first name thing was starting to unnerve him. "Yes?"

"Marry me?"

"Wh… What?" He made a sound somewhere between a gasp and a surprised laugh. "Ziva are you…"

"Completely out of my mind?" She offered emotionally. "I think so, but I'd be more so if  
>I didn't at least try to build on what has been the best thing to happen to me in a very long time."<p>

"Are you sure?" He didn't believe it.

"As sure as I'm ever going to be." She couldn't help but feel slightly awkward.

"And you're not just doing this for my sake?" Mere moments ago she was completely indecisive.

"I am doing it for your sake," She admitted as she looked down to her twisting fingers. "But I'm also doing it for mine. I need this," Her gaze met his as she realized, "And you know that."

"And you're absolutely positive?" He had to be sure that she wouldn't be changing her mind in twenty minutes time.

"Completely" She offered a slight smile.

"Then," He fumbled in his pocket for a minute before stating, "I guess this is yours."

She couldn't help but stare at the ring he was swiftly placing on her finger. "I'm going to be Mrs. McG…" But before she could finish the thought he was lifting her off of her feet and into an all-consuming hug. "You're going to be Mrs. McGee" his eyes were shining brighter than the sun.

"That I am" She wrapped her arms around his neck as he settled her back to her feet.

"I promise you won't regret it." He swore as he rested his head against hers.

"I know I won't." She assured as she leaned in to give him a kiss. "Now let's tell Abby we have to be going."

With a lightened heart he offered another kiss before asking, "To my place or yours?"

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"You look amazing" Charlotte gushed as she got sight of Tony straightening his tie.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" He questioned as he glanced over to the oven where the product of their shopping trip was now resting.

"I look like a hefty bag someone stuffed a giant basketball into." She huffed as he moved closer and she turned from the stovetop.

"If this is what hefty looks like," He made a show of getting her to turn as he admired the view. "I can't wait for the Ziploc."

"You are completely incorrigible." She shook her head with a laugh.

"Don't I know it," He grinned. "But seriously, you look gorgeous Charlotte."

"Thank you" She offered as she ducked her head.

"Am I detecting some shyness here?" Tony laughed as he strived to recapture her attention. "If you're not careful you'll pass it on to the munchkin."

"If he inherits even half of your personality he'll need as much of my shyness as he can get." She swore as she placed a tender hand over a ridiculously stretched stomach.

"Now none of that taking after me business," Tony directed his attention to the baby as he placed a hand over hers, the other beginning an attempt to coax a response. "You take what your mother gives you and run with it."

She hated the way he seemed to depreciate himself. "I'll be a proud mother if he takes after you Tony."

"I'll be a prouder father if he doesn't." With that he began to pull away.

"Tony" But the doorbell was soon cutting her thoughts short.

"I'll get it" he announced as he straightened his tie; an all too cheesy smile being put firmly in place.

"Go on" With a sigh she renounced herself to his feelings; she just hoped they'd change with their son's arrival.

He offered her a kiss on the cheek in what might have been a silent 'forget it' as he left her with, "I've got parents to impress after all."


End file.
